Registered User
Zennie- some men really have no idea what it is to be a family, and by the sound of it your Partner needs some adjusting. The couselling helpe us in that way as basically the cousellor told my DH that what i was expecxting wasnt to much and he was being irresponsible. so yeah told him to pull his socs up. Maybe if you can get someone else apart from you to tell him what it is to be a dad it migt help. cause then its ust not you nagging. hugs to you hun
Registered User
Zennie That's men for you. I've had arguments with DH about priorities. Now that they are fathers they need to put their family first, they need to realise they have responsibilities, but some just don't. The woman is always the one who makes the changes and sacrifices. Still the best way to deal with that is to calmly talk about it - maybe with some sarcasim, but calmly. Try to put him in your situation. Ask how would you feel if I did describe what he did wrong. And if that doesn't work, then yeah I'd go with Beatrix's suggestion. However, if you get just someone you know to tell him, try to make it one of his friends that understands as opposed to one of yours.
Registered User
he stayed with our friends last night(grapevine) who have a 1 yr old instead of his ****wit mate so was comforted knowing that hes talking to someone whos been there and working through it apposed to those looking through the window and have no clue. Shavon and chris seem to think they knocked some sense into him but i dont know whether that means he realising the errors of his ways and wants to talk or if he will just dwell some more. i know i am up and down but atm i feel empowered on my own. My mum had Russell last night for a few hours and my close mates just rallied round and help pick me up and we slept better for it . i talked and cryed and theorised and laughed. though ifeel empowered now , i know i will feel defeated later if it all goes down the gurgler
Registered User
Kira, I just saw your post. *hug* I wish I had some words of wisdom but some men really take a lot of adjusting. Or should I say, they need a good kick in the freakin' pants. Hope you don't mind me saying so but your DH is being unreasonable. You are a strong woman, remember that, and he should be made aware of the gifts he has. The first year is a write off, really, even though it gets easier, parents just glue together to survive it. It really challenges any relationship's metal, so to make it through, he has got to stop worrying about his mates altogether and focus on what he has created with you, your life, your son, your relationship, you. Don't start thinking PND though, because it doesnt' have to go that way. Feeling low because of stress isn't depression, remember that. That is simply a normal reaction to stress. Depression is feeling seriously low and out of control for NO apparent reason. You have plenty of reason.
Blessings to you, and I hope you all find your way soon.
Registered User
wow how do you all find time to post? everysecond of my free time goes to sleep or TRYING not to drown under th onslaught of filthy washing and dust and dishes. i wish i could ignore it but dirty house bothers me more than sleep deprivation...
Kira-It can be hard, especially when they (we do too!) want to feel young and like they still have lives. My DH is a little bit the same way.. He doesn't get up with Lila in the middle of the night (rightly so, he's got uni) and he still has something of a social life and doesnt understand why I get upset when he goes out. Granted, he goes out fora few hours early in the evening usually, but still. He gets to be a grown-up. All I can recommend is talking to him... ?
Mgm- I didn't have a caesar, but this baby is so hard on my back. I try to make sure I'm using good posture 100% of the time but its still so wearing. No idea what to do about it besides a little cat-cow-cobra yoga, I'm just hanging in there in the hopes it all gets better.
Janine- I feel the same way about babies, though my heart does melt a little lately when she looks deep into my eyes and gives me a big gummy grin. And she's starting to make little pre-talking sorting-things-out vowel sounds. Just a bit but its a start.
we're still fighting thrush here, have had 2 rounds of nilstat drops with little change. so i'm using my trusty old hand pump still, and being a nazi about sterilizing everything that comes near her mouth. it's getting old, i'd rather just be able to put her to breast but she gives my nipples thrush and its excruciating. if it doesn't clear up i guess its back to the dr.
Despite that, she's getting so big. And I finally managed to get her into the sling today, she liked it and fell asleep while I did some chores. Fantastic. Then DH finally got up and I handed her over so I could get some sleep. I'd been letting her fall asleep on my chest (after burping) and then transferring her to the bed or her bassinet (yes I caved and got one) on her back.she doesnt really sleep well like that. we visited dh's parents a few weekends ago and Mil had Lila sleeping on her tummy. She was so much happier and better settled. MIL put her kids on their tummies and they all managed to make it to adulthood, so I've been letting her tummy sleep some lately.
Sleep... Ah. I get kind of jealous of DH's sleep, esp when I haven't had much and get stroppy about it. Sometimes it just feels like I have to do everything, which is crazy because he helps out so much and cleans house and cooks sometimes and right now is sleeping under Lila while i have a break.
As for body... I'm getting really thin, like ugly thin despite eating well. I eat good food and heaps of it. You wouldn't be able to tell from looking that I had a baby, which sounds like a good thing but it kind of freaks me out. Not a mark on me. Its just bizarre. Here I was all ready to sacrifice my body on the holy altar of motherhood and nothing. (tongue in cheek a little there)
I'm well mentally really upbeat to be honest and I love my little Lila-bear. Its finally happened, the love thing. I think it has something to do with the way she looks round for me and smiles when I kiss her tummy. Something like that...
Anyone who is planning to use cloth nappies still in sposies? I'm working on making the transition to old fashioned towelling and covers, I just haven't completed it. Kind of feel bad, I'd pictured myself cloth diapering, breastfeeding and babywearing and it hasn't worked out like that at all yet. Oh well, my baby is fat and happy.
Registered User
I was planning on cloth nappies myself, I even have some fitted ones for DH to use.
We were given some sposies by friends before BJ was born so we used them up, then I switched to towelling ones, only to find that no matter how I folded them, the were too big for him, AND he was weeing through them within an hour!
So we went for more sposies and we are still in them.
Well, after our trip to the Dr, Benjamin is on Zantac for his reflux so we'll see how that goes, fingers crossed...
And on a brighter, wonderful, relieving note....I've been struggling with the decision about going back to work (kindergarten teaching), I am scheduled to go back 2 days a week for term 4, and full time next year....its been really killing me, on the one hand, I LOVE my work and all the staff, but on the other hand, I really wanted to stay home with Benjamin.
After our shocker night last night, when I got up every 15 minutes for Benjamin, and then stayed in the spare room next to his so as not to wake DH every time I came to bed, then stayed in the spare room for his bottle this morning.
DH has decided that (because he is in a highly important role at work) he needs me to be able to do that whenever it needs to be done (which would be hard the nights before I would have to go to work), Im NOT going back to work....
I am officially resigning tomorrow....how sad, but how exciting!!!
BellyBelly Member
God, how I wish I could say this.
Nothing against you Steph BTW.
Baxter is 6 weeks old today and is barely 400gms above his birth weight.
He had his paed appt yesterday and we are booked in for a renal and bladder ultrasound at Murdoch next Thursday, with a follow up paed appt the Thursday after that.
I'm to keep feeding him as per normal, with an extra bottle of EBM after his last feed at night time. If this doesn't give him a projected weight gain on Friday of 200gms per week, we are to give him a bottle of formula.
Two things that upset me:
- why isn't he putting on weight? Why is he still unwell?
- the decision to maybe put him on to formula is not made by me, but I know he needs to be fatter and my milk alone isn't doing that.
Before he started on the AB, he had a weight gain of 170gms in 8 days, which was great! Then the diarrhea started from the AB and his weight gain was only 105gms in 7 days. Plus he got a nappy rash that I've only just managed to clear up.
Poor little mite, he is so alert and settled otherwise and it just breaks my heart to see him not thriving. ETA - actually he is just been screaming his heart out because I've missed his tired signs and he is exhausted.
Plus, I had GP and OB appt yesterday. My stiches look fine, and I've lost 10kgs, only 5 to go until I get back to pre-preg weight, but that will go on the backburner until Baxter's issues are sorted. I have a tear around my bottom, hence the bleeding when I go to the toilet and I had a flu jab. AND! If that wasn't enough, I'm back to pumping 3 times a day for his EBM at night. So between Baxter, my boobs, my bottom and sore arm, I'm feeling very down right now.
Sorry for no personals, but
SG
xo
Registered User
Shoegal try not to stress about Baxters weight gain. I can't say anything about the illness, but my BIL's Sister's son, Christian, is now 2 and is still in size 0 to 1 clothing, some kids are just small. The OBs and Drs get concerned when they are not on their magical charts, but not all babies fit nicely into the charts. There isn't anything wrong with Christian, he's just small and was born around 6lb, so not significantly underweight.
Bookmarks