Hi! i should be turning in for bed but just had to reply to you Laura on the DTD topic.

This might seem like a whole lot of babble but I've been doing a lot of thinking about all this lately. And it's totally honest so sorry if it seems crazy, just a glimpse inside my untamed mind

I see it as totally normal to feel how you do, to feel 'dirty'. i know you have other issues at play, the depression and meds etc but I also say there is a part which is SO normal. When you become a mother, your whole perception of yourself has to change. and it's damn hard. to be totally honest, only really since Jake has been born have I really felt at peace with who I am these days, and what that means. For me, I am happy being mum, but then I get a bit itchy....and I can't remember who bec is anymore, and what she thinks, feels and has to say about things iykwim? and then when i put the effort into who bec is I feel guilty for not being mum and wife. It's all too hard!! It's really difficult to mesh all the different 'beings' you need to be into one person without feeling like Jekyll and Hyde. So for me, it's only after being a mother for almost 5 years that i'm really starting to know who bec, the mother and wife really is, and that I can be one and the same. This is true about DTD too. I can understand feeling like you are doing something wrong because it's like you are a mother now and mothers don't do those things right?? I can't tell you how to change it, and I would still talk to the psychologist about it for sure but that's ust my take on it all and I just wanted to share if with you. Even if it is a whole heap of babble! :P

sorry catherine, will get bakc to you tomorrow when the kids are at daycare, Ben is doing better, thanks

night

xxx