prama i am gate crashing here but im hoping to be here soon so i come read how you are all going i just want you to know that i am one of those few mums that breastfeeding was hell for i actually have 5 kids and number 6 due when he decideds to make an apperance and i will not be breast feeding this time as i have done it twice and it just didnt work i feed both for about 8 weeks both costantly lost weight and were unsettled almost constantly they only seems to settle when they were just plain worn out , i wanted to do it so bad just like everyone else and were talking baby number 3 and 5 so it wasnt as though this was all new to be and i ended up with post natal depression both times and i honestly beleave it was from feeling like a failure why cant i do what most mums do and love doing ,the day i put both babys on the bottle full time was emotional hell for me i cried through the whole feed but you know what it was the best choice i could make at the time, i am not prepared to put myself through the heart ach again and after much talking with DH and a midwife have decided that a happy mum is more important then anything ,i hope it works for you as you seem to want it so bad as most of us do my kids are now 17,15,13,12and 7 and they are all healthy even though 3 of them never got near my boobs and they all love me and and i am very close to all of them boob or no boob it dosnt matter and i know nothing i say will really help you because it is one of those things that you need to work out but please do contact someone it took me awhile to but once i did it really helped ,take care and remember motherhood is the best job in the world but also the most guilt riden so try to give yourself a brake and take care