BW, nothing you did caused little caterpillar to grow his wings and fly away. I know it is so very hard not to blame yourself. You think of all the things that you did and think what if. I know because I have done it. You did everything you could do to protect your baby but unfortunately life is so cruel and unfair that bad things happen to good people. I always think what could I have done differently so that Cooper would be here right now. I know I can't go back and deep down I know that there was nothing that I could have done. But it still doesn't stop the thoughts going through our heads. I remember when I lost Cooper I said had I not suffered enough waiting 2 years to conceive him, now I am suffering again at losing him. It is just so heartbreaking when you struggle for so long and need assisted conception only to lose our precious miracles.

You will feel indecisive right now. Your head is all over the place as is your emotions. You need to give yourself time to grieve. Perhaps get someone to make the phone calls for you and give yourself time to make decisions. If you feel like you need a second opinion then get it. Don't feel bad about it. You need to do what is right for you. It is so hard to make decisions. I know when I lost Cooper I couldn't make any decisions, I wanted to change everything. But I stayed with my ob because he knows my history, he knows me. You need to do what is right for you and you may just need a bit of time to think things through. When you are ready talk to Dr S and tell him what your fears are, what you are thinking.

If it is helping to talk things through you might want to think about seeing a counsellor. It works for some and not others but if it is right for you, it might just help you say what you are feeling. My thoughts are with you, sending you a big big