Help. I'm in a black hole over c-sections.

[peanutter]

*breathe*

I'm feeling like I'm in a bit of a black hole today.

I found out last week that I will need to have a c-section, and I'm just feeling lower and lower about it as the days go on.

I had been warned ages ago that chances were that any future babies would need to be by c-section, and I had understood (but not but not yet accepted) that, but now it's reasonably final ... so I'm working on the "acceptance" part, but I'm getting nowhere with it - on the contrary, I'm getting wound tighter and tighter, and feel like I'm going to snap.

And I can't get over the anger (at being put in this situation), my frustration and hurt (at being put in this situation), and my guilt that I'm robbing this baby of a natural entry into this world.

I know in my head that the risks to Ziggy from having a c-section are quite small in this day and age, and that the impact to Ziggy if I was to get another fistula - or worse - would be enormous. An incapacitated mummy siting in a salt bath rocking in the foetal position 3 times a day and generally overrun with PTSD is not what a brand new baby (or anyone) needs ...

But I'm still sitting here, completely distracted, completely devestated, running through my head about all the negatives of c-sections ... mostly the negatives for Ziggy directly, but also for DS and DH and our family in general ...

Ziggy's lungs won't be cleared, and have to be manually suctioned ... what a horrible entry into the world!

I won't get skin to skin contact for the first hour of so, so bonding can be much harder - and Ziggy's first experiences will be doctors and midwives doing things with them, rather than DH catching, cuddling, and then passing to me for their first feed..

My colostrum might not come through for a while, as those hormones won't have been kickstarted by labour.

Other hormones won't be doing their thing, as I won't be progressing through labour, and so Ziggy and I won't be benefitting from those.

I will be trying to recover from major surgery, and won't be able to lift my DS for ages, or drive us anywhere, or even pick him up for cuddles or nappy changes. But DS will see me carrying, changing and feeding Ziggy - which will be rough on the poor little man.

I will be in hospital longer ... I completely went in to a tailspin last month when I had to be admitted for 2 or so lousy hours - how on earth am I going to cope with 3-5 days, after a c-section??

It seems so unfair that Ziggy is getting sloppy seconds in so many respects, due to what happened with DS's birth ...

And I worry that somehow, one day, Ziggy will resent DS for that ... I know (believe me, I know) how irrational that sounds, but I can't get past it.

And over all - I know that I should just keep looking at the positives (DS is perfect, Ziggy is growing well, the pregnancy is mostly going very well, DH is just wonderful, I am working through my own recovery, I have family and friends who love me, etc) but this is just like a great big hot wet woolen blanket over my head at the moment, suffocating me. The last thing I need is someone saying about how I should be grateful about a, b, c, d and e, and that the method of birth is irrelevant, and Ziggy won't rememeber it anyway ... those rational parts of my brain just are driving me nuts at the moment, and my emotions are screaming all these illogical things ...

I have counselling tonight, but that's hours and hours away ... I just need some positive stories about c-sections, or some more information about risks to babies with c-sections and how I can minimise them, to make Ziggy's entrance as wonderful as possible ...

Sitting at my desk basically in tears isn't helping right now ...

It's only 8-10 weeks until the big day, and I can't feel like this when the time comes. I won't be able to get myself in the doors of the hosptial, let alone be calm and collected for the operation and then functioning well enough to look after Ziggy by myself.

And I don't want to do any more googling and surfing about c-sections ... so much seems to be contradictory, I'm at a loss to know what is and isn't real, accurate and up to date information ...

[Purple Penguin]

I had an elective c-section with DD2 after an emergency section with DD1 (which left me with PTSD and PND). DD2's birth was everything I could have asked for, everything went really well and I was able to have skin-to-skin within 10 minutes (possibly less) of her being born and she stayed with me while I was being stitched up, into recovery and when we went back down to the ward. I was in hospital for 2 and a half days. I can't help with the BF side of things as I chose to FF from birth due to the trauma from DD1's birth and subsequent events that followed.

[Kimbles01]

Sorry you are feeling this way.

I had a c/section 4 months ago, and all I can share is that it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected, but I don't know what you've experienced with a previous birth.

Also my milk came in on day 2 or 3 after my c/s so hopefully that helps.

[wysiwyg]

Is there another reason you won't get skin to skin for an hour or so? DS was an e-csection after a failed VBAC - and I was able to have skin to skin in recovery which was maybe 15 mins after he was born - maybe discuss with hospital how important that is for you and see if can accommodate (was standard practice in hospital I went to).

It is harder to stay at hospital when you have one at home already - I was allowed to go home 72 hours after DS was born (and would have been sooner if he hadn't lost so much weight (just due to being big baby)) - so you might be able to get home sooner than you think - if you feel up to it.

Not being able to carry your older one is hard, but found that cuddles etc still fine just had to get them lifted up or to climb on - I also drove 2 weeks after second c-section.

Sorry you are so upset about the thought of a section - hope hearing about these little things helps.



I have had two e c-sections

[OceanPrincess]

Oh hun, massive hugs to you

Get up from your desk, head outside and get some fresh air. Go for a walk around the block, or somewhere, to clear your head a bit. Change of scenery.

I'm going to do some googling of my own.

[Pholi]

I'm sorry you're feeling so tormented over this, peanutter.
I believe many hospitals have a policy of encouraging skin-to-skin asap after caesars, and it might help if you find out whether your chosen hospital and/or ob suppots this. And often, DH can be present for the caesar and will be able to advocate for this at the time, too.

[OceanPrincess]

I hope it is ok to link to this ABA page: Breastfeeding after caesarean birth

Specifically this bit:

There is a perception that a mother's milk is slower to 'come in' after a caesarean. The 'switch on' of lactation after a baby is born is caused by the removal of the placenta, which in turn results in a change in the balance of hormones circulating in the blood. Studies have shown that some babies born by caesarean section take a little longer to regain their birth weight than other babies, but this is not significant after a few days, and is unlikely to have any long-term effects.

And this:

Not every caesarean mother can start breastfeeding immediately. You may have needed or asked for a general anaesthetic or your baby may need to be put in a humidicrib for a while to stabilise his condition. While early breastfeeding is helpful for baby and mother, there is one important thing you can do while waiting and that is to express your colostrum. Colostrum is like 'super' breastmilk and contains more concentrated protein and immunity factors than mature breastmilk. It acts as a natural laxative for the meconium, your baby's first bowel movement.

It is rare for newborn babies to require anything other than colostrum and breastmilk. This is especially important if you or your partner have any family history of allergy or food intolerance.

You could start expressing colostrum before the c-sec. Worth a try.

Here's a birth story:
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...incess-171625/

I'll keep looking...

[NaeNae]

Oh sweetheart

PLEASE STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP.

You know what, DD2's birth, her lungs didn't clear and she was a VBAC, she was flat and unresponsive for a few minutes. She didn't even get to hold the breast in her mouth (she didn't attempt to suck at all) until she was 4 hours old, didn't get her first real feed until she was 9 hours old hell I didn't get more than 30 mins with her until she was 12 hours old.

I know you are looking at the negs of the Section but believe me ... not all V births go according to plan either. You have a GREAT opportunity knowing that Ziggy will be given the very best start to keep you BOTH healthy thats the truth of it ... its for both your benefit and thats sooo essential.

Will you have any support post section?? It might be a good opportunity to call on friends and family.

Ziggy isn't getting sloppy seconds, nor will Ziggy resent DS, Ziggy will come into this world the safest way possible for you both and mummy will be healthy enough to look after ziggy straight away x

I do understand some of what you are feeling, but you know its what you do after ziggy is born thats important, loving ziggy with every fibre of your being and doing the best you can even if its not how you planned.

Ziggy will be just fine, DS and Ziggy will be best buds (after a while ) and you will be a fantastic mummy. Focus on that sweetness x x

much love x

[black_rose]

So sorry peanutter, it's obviously brought up a lot of the trauma back of ds's birth.

I would be talking to the hospital and asking for skin on skin contact. I think you will be surprised at how many cuddles you will get from ds he will be able to climb up to you for cuddles even while you are bfing.

When I wasn't allowed to lift dd1 for 6 weeks before dd2 was born she was able to get up onto the change table for me so I could change her nappy. You may be able to drive before 6 weeks I was in the car at 3 weeks, you just won't be able to lift things.

Write a list of what is important to you and work out with your support team what is possible and how.

[forshelby]

You have every right to feel ****ed off that Ziggy's birth will be impacted by the trauma of your first birth. That is understandable, and nobody will blame you for feeling that way. I know my birth wasn't exactly empowering... (understatement much?) my c/s itself was fine. DS was wrapped (I assume suctioned) and as soon as Daddy had cut his cord, he was placed on my chest. If it wasn't for the following complications, that would've been it. Wheeled into recovery with my babe in my arms and everything would've been hunky dory. I think.

Bonding wasn't exceptionally harder. I felt immense love for my DS as soon as I was alone with him on the ward. It was the rest of my twisted tale which caused our hardship and suffering. The c/s was not the cause of my pain. I'd also like to hazard a guess, as I've never had VB or relating complications... but I don't think a surgical incision would hurt as much as a fistula. I was surprised by how manageable my c/s pain was. Or maybe I'm just a trooper, I dunno One tip- take your medecine religiously.

I was driving 2 weeks after surgery. Naughty, I know. You may need clearance from a GP before you can, but it can be done prior to 6 weeks. Recovering from surgery will be nowhere near as difficult as what you endured the first time around. I promise. Hell, even with the horrible things I suffered, I still don't think my physical pain was as intense as yours. My scars were more emotional than physical.

As for BF and potential issues, I can only speak from my own experience... but even being separated for days on end and not being able to express due to the sedation I was under, my milk came in. It took until day 7, but it happened. Even with all the interference, I was able to feed my baby for those precious first few weeks. The fact that I gave up is mostly down to misinformation, stress, and lack of support. Having a c/s didn't negatively impact my ability to BF. But the rest did.



This might be pointless advice, but I have to say it. Do not beat yourself up over things out of your control. You didn't ask for your first birth to go the way it did. You didn't ask to be left in a position where another VB would be detrimental to your health. None of this stuff is your fault. It's just ****ty circumstances you have no choice but to overcome, just as you had no choice about being in this position in the first place.

It's not fair. I want to punch something for you. (perhaps those attending your first birth would be a good start?)

I don't have any magical cure to help you sort and file everything going through your mind right now. But know that I am here, quietly supporting, and hoping for a wonderful, calm, peaceful c/s birth for you and Ziggy. Everything is going to be ok. In the meantime, scream into a pillow until you can't scream any more.

I some of what I've said is useful to you.

[forshelby]

bugger, double post. More for you though.

[Miss E]

It sounds like you're going through a really rough time grappling with this hun. I've pretty much all but agreed to a scheduled CS this time round after having an emergency CS with DS, so in some ways can understand a lot of your anxiety. From my first experience with a CS I can personally say that I didn't have a lot of the experiences that you're worried about and I've also had time to work though some of the other concerns you have...

Ziggy's lungs won't be cleared, and have to be manually suctioned ... what a horrible entry into the world!

This didn't happen with my DS. He was screaming before he was even half way out. The cord was cut (by DH), he was wrapped in a blanket and placed straight onto my chest.

I won't get skin to skin contact for the first hour of so, so bonding can be much harder - and Ziggy's first experiences will be doctors and midwives doing things with them, rather than DH catching, cuddling, and then passing to me for their first feed..

DS wasn't able to come into recovery with me because I had an emergency CS and there wasn't a midwife able to come into recovery. I have been told that this time round with a scheduled CS there will be a midwife scheduled to be available so that bubs can be with me in recovery and we can establish BF right away. Talk to your hospital and make some demands about being able to bring bubs into recovery with you, it shouldn't be a big issue if you're a scheduled CS. Also, while bubs first minute or so might be spent getting a quick once over from the paed, keep in mind that as long as they're well they will then be put straight into your arms.

My colostrum might not come through for a while, as those hormones won't have been kickstarted by labour.

As far as I know this isn't an issue. The link to the ABA article that was posted says something along these lines and I know from my first experience that I had no issues with colostrum.

I will be trying to recover from major surgery, and won't be able to lift my DS for ages, or drive us anywhere, or even pick him up for cuddles or nappy changes. But DS will see me carrying, changing and feeding Ziggy - which will be rough on the poor little man.

This is something I'm really worried about too. I started a thread on it awhile back and got some great ideas on how to work around these problems. https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...o-cope-174106/

I will be in hospital longer ... I completely went in to a tailspin last month when I had to be admitted for 2 or so lousy hours - how on earth am I going to cope with 3-5 days, after a c-section??

I'm also struggling with this, but hoping that I will recover quickly and may be able to leave earlier than planned. From what I know a scheduled CS is a lot easier on your body than an emergency one... There was a thread around here awhile ago and a lot of women said they left on day 2 cos they could. Fingers crossed we're like them!

HTH hun

ETA: Ooops I just wanted to add that my first CS in no way impacted on my bonding with DS. We did have difficulty establishing BF, but that was more due to my inverted nipples than anything else. I was expressing (to stimulate supply) from about day 2 and my milk came in day 3/4. This time around my plan is to bring my own pump into hospital with me (with sterilising tablets) so I can express in the comfort of my bed and not have to go over to the nursery every few hours to express.

[*Belle*]

Hugs hon accepting it has to happen is hard. I found it to be, I actually had psych counselling to get through it to prepare for the birth of my 2nd child. She said every birth is different. I will try and help you through some things you mentioned and say that you can still have these things.

a) this is for your baby's safety, keep repeating this to yourself and for yours too.

b) Skin to skin - Is there a reason why you cant? with both my elective c/s i had skin to skin straight away and also with my 2nd elective c/s, I had baby in recovery with me and Bf straight away

c) some babies who are born vaginally still need to have their noses / lungs suctioned.

d) Colostrum - I had it straight away even before the c/section mine wasnt kickstarted by labour, you may have it before hand especially if its not your first baby?

e) The lifting of your first child worried me too , you can still have cuddles and hugs kisses etc, just sit on the sofa first and they can stand and hug you. Yes you are unable to carry him for at least 3 weeks though as well as some other things you cant /shouldnt do like laundry etc. Also when your Ds comes visits you to meet the baby, give all attention to him and say hello and whatever you like to say and give him a present from the baby. When he is settled by seeing you again then introduce him to baby. Dont hold the baby when he comes to the room to see you the first time though after the baby is born, have the baby in the bassinet thing or with someone else, so it shows DS you are paying full attention to him it works so much better. Explain to DS what you are doing while feeding your baby, my girls found it facinating, also have a small box full of toys/boys/crayons/craft that come out only when u are feeing the baby so he has special things to play with at this time, it helps!

I dont think Ziggy is getting sloppy seconds, its just he needs to be born a different way, it will come down a lot to how you handle the situation, he wont receive any less love from you than you gave DS just a different entry into the world.

I was up and started to walking 24hours after the c/s, the sooner you walk the faster your recovery, it does hurt so much though that first walk but you get through it the midwives will help you through it.

Here are both my elective c/section stories I hope they help you hon, especially read my Tara's birth story as thats the one I had counselling for.

Taras birth story https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ll-born-75023/
Annabels birth story - cant find it will try again to find just feeding atm

Honestly i was beside myself with anxiety for Annabels birth just recently (6 months ago) but excitement overtook at the last minute!

If you want to talk about anything pm me

[Megan]

PN, so many of your fears about c/section sound like what was going on in my head with DS. I had planned a calmbirth, read everything I could, didn't want a c/s at all for a lot of the reasons you have written. At 37wks I was told I would need a c/s and was devastated. I didn't have long to get my head around it. It is harder for all the reasons you mentioned. DS was born at 5.40pm and I didn't see him until 7pm apart from a quick 10 second cuddle when they whisked him away because they were concerned about his breathing. Apgar was 4 at 1min, 9 at 5min. He was fine, and with DH in my room when I got back but it was a lonely experience being stitched up and then taken to recovery. They did keep me up to date with where DS was and how he was, but I just desperately wanted to see him. I was told before the birth that DS wouldn't be able to stay with me in recovery anyway as there wasn't a midwife available for that extra hour as delivery suite was full. I will be putting it in my birth plan again that I want skin to skin in recovery, but I know that at my hospital that it depends if there is a midwife available for that extra time. Definitely something for you to ask about and request.

As for b/f, it took about 6 days for my milk to come in. I felt like my whole time in hospital was spent feeding and expressing. As for the recovery, that was just long. I didn't drive for 7 weeks because I didn't feel well enough to.
There are definitely a lot of negatives to a c/section and I think all of your fears are understandable. But at the end of the day, with the extra effort put into feeding and a supportive DH I didn't feel like it was all bad. DS and I bonded in hospital with lots of skin to skin over those 5 days, lots of feeding and cuddles. I asked for minimal visitors as I just wanted to rest and didn't want to play pass the parcel with DS because getting b/f established was too important and didn't want to be dealing with constant interruptions. I guess at the end of the day I didn't feel like we suffered terrible setbacks due to the c/s and DS and I went on to have a great b/f run of over 12 months and bonded quickly. It wasn't perfect, but my aim was to try not to let it effect us as much as possible.

That being said, I am having a c/s in 5 weeks and I'm terrified, all the same fears as last time even though I know it can all work out perfectly fine. Maybe it's because this time I have the added responsibility and needs of DS. I am concerned about being able to focus on all the same things I did last time when I wont have as much time on my hands and DS will still need my attention. I am still trying to prepare myself mentally for what is coming. I know I will get there and everything will work out. I have told DH about my concerns and I know I have his full support and he will do whatever he can for me.
Just know, that I don't think your fears are irrational especially when all those things you mentioned are so important to you.
Good luck at your counselling tonight and I hope you can find some peace of mind before the big day arrives.

[~~Snoogans~~]

Hugs to you and how you are feeling atm xx

I had my second c section 9 weeks ago, lil miss Z came out at 38 weeks, big, healthy and in no need of help to clear her lungs! Trust me, pretty sure I saw the drs and nurses cringe when she let us know she was here! damn babies are LOUD!!!
She was taken to have my hubby chop the cord and then she was on me before I realised it! Seriously, wasn't anymore than MAYBE 10mins before I got the skin to skin contact!
She was on the boob in recovery, where I was for about 30minz.

I had her at 2pm, had a shower at 5am, and was gone the next morning by 9am. So all up I stayed 2 nights and 1 day (not counting the afternoon after she was born, ITMS?) I too do NOT DO HOSPITALS!

Driving at 2 weeks and doing housework etc bout a week after she was born

I couldn't lift my 4 year old, but that is because she is 25kgs! couldn't lift her BEFORE the c section hehehe

But seriously, think POSITIVE thoughts! and I hope you can start to feel better and more positive towards the impending birth of yr 2nd bubba!

lots n lots of hugs xxx

[KitFaerie]

I had a great c-section. DS gave a bit of a yell to let us know he was in the world and while he was checked over DH had his hands on him the whole time and was talking to him, they had skin to skin for 5 minutes while I was stiched up, and once I was in recovery we had skin to skin and he was breast crawling away like a trooper. My milk came in the next day and we've been breastfeeding for almost a year now. As for bonding, that first hour, together or apart, does NOT dictate the rest of your relationship. I felt a link straight away, he was my son and he was so much more perfect than I could ever have imagined.

There are little things you can do to make it the birth you want, and the great thing is you have the time to work those things out. You can have a soundtrack, you can ask a nurse or someone to take photo's, you can have your DH do skin on skin or you can have your baby placed on you straight away. You have options. Definitely mourn the loss of your perfect birth, it sucks that you won't get that experience. But then work to make this experience the absolute best it can be. All Ziggy needs is love, and you have that in spades. You will meet your baby, and you will fall in love, those things will happen, the rest of the details are up to you.

[Melbournemumma]

My second c-section was an elective. It was fantastic. My DS2 was on chest quickly after being born and my DH cuddled him next to me until the last 5 minutes of my section. He then met me in recovery and I had my ds again. We started our first feed in recovery and he never left my side. I was up and about the next morning and while I couldn't pick my ds1 up he was old enough to be able to climb up next to me and cuddle with me and his new little brother. Both my boys were born by c-section and while I would love to have given birth naturally the reality was that that wasn't an option. My oldest ds has seen the scar on my tummy and I tell him that's where he and his little brother came out. I also tell him it's not were babies normally come out but that's where Mummy's baby's come from. I also encourage you to make a list of things that you want to ensure happen (skin-skin, baby staying with you, feeding asap) and discuss them with your Ob/Midwife. This will give you a chance to express to them that these things are really important to you and that baring any complications they are non negotiable. This is still your birth and you can still have some control. Make sure you take that control and feel like you have some power in this birth. Big .

[peanutter]

thanks for all the responses.

I'm going to read them over again tomorrow, and try to sort through my head a bit more ...