You have every right to feel ****ed off that Ziggy's birth will be impacted by the trauma of your first birth. That is understandable, and nobody will blame you for feeling that way. I know my birth wasn't exactly empowering... (understatement much?) my c/s itself was fine. DS was wrapped (I assume suctioned) and as soon as Daddy had cut his cord, he was placed on my chest. If it wasn't for the following complications, that would've been it. Wheeled into recovery with my babe in my arms and everything would've been hunky dory. I think.

Bonding wasn't exceptionally harder. I felt immense love for my DS as soon as I was alone with him on the ward. It was the rest of my twisted tale which caused our hardship and suffering. The c/s was not the cause of my pain. I'd also like to hazard a guess, as I've never had VB or relating complications... but I don't think a surgical incision would hurt as much as a fistula. I was surprised by how manageable my c/s pain was. Or maybe I'm just a trooper, I dunno One tip- take your medecine religiously.

I was driving 2 weeks after surgery. Naughty, I know. You may need clearance from a GP before you can, but it can be done prior to 6 weeks. Recovering from surgery will be nowhere near as difficult as what you endured the first time around. I promise. Hell, even with the horrible things I suffered, I still don't think my physical pain was as intense as yours. My scars were more emotional than physical.

As for BF and potential issues, I can only speak from my own experience... but even being separated for days on end and not being able to express due to the sedation I was under, my milk came in. It took until day 7, but it happened. Even with all the interference, I was able to feed my baby for those precious first few weeks. The fact that I gave up is mostly down to misinformation, stress, and lack of support. Having a c/s didn't negatively impact my ability to BF. But the rest did.



This might be pointless advice, but I have to say it. Do not beat yourself up over things out of your control. You didn't ask for your first birth to go the way it did. You didn't ask to be left in a position where another VB would be detrimental to your health. None of this stuff is your fault. It's just ****ty circumstances you have no choice but to overcome, just as you had no choice about being in this position in the first place.

It's not fair. I want to punch something for you. (perhaps those attending your first birth would be a good start?)

I don't have any magical cure to help you sort and file everything going through your mind right now. But know that I am here, quietly supporting, and hoping for a wonderful, calm, peaceful c/s birth for you and Ziggy. Everything is going to be ok. In the meantime, scream into a pillow until you can't scream any more.

I some of what I've said is useful to you.