i am two years separated, my child has never accepted moving away and living separately from her dad - they have twice weekly contact.

The last few months, she has been talking about "being no use of her being in the world", how she's "not important to anyone" etc etc. "no-one needs me". "no point of being alive". "if i wasn't here, you could use my room as a spare room". If i wasn't here, you and daddy wouldn't have to waste money on me".

It was a few times a week, now it's daily. Today she told me, she knew how to kill herself, i swallowed some air and tried to calmly ask her, "How?", as i thought i should know, and she said "easy, just drown myself". She wasn't saying it to shock or to get a laugh, but very straightforward about it. She is just turned six.

i feel sick. My gorgeous DD - i can't even type it out -

i tell her every day how much i love her, she is important to me, i do need her. I tell her people love her and need her, not for what she does, but just for being her.

I don't resent spending money on her, i do go without so she can have what she needs, but i don't resent that, i do it gladly. I never say "i can't buy X for me, cos i've just bought you school shoes".

So much of what she is saying, is like the opposite of the things i am saying to her, it's so confusing. She obviously is not believing or hearing me.

We have an appointment, an initial assessment session with a child mental health services person middle of January, i realise that's only a fortnight away, but right now, it feels a LONG way away.

I don't know how my bright, funny, happy child can suddenly be thinking such morbid thoughts.

Vent over.

i know i'm being silly, i should be glad we have an appointment and leave it at that.

After the initial appointment, i have no idea when they will see her next, if at all.