As much as I hate to say it I actually feel somewhat comforted by reading some your posts.......

I wonder if there is an element of competition in these people. I didn't go into it in depth in my other thread but I will in here. After Nikita died when we were done organising funerals etc, I mentioned to mum that we were having a plaque made up to put under a tree in our backyard. SO mum had to get one too. at the time I didn't really think anything of it until she rang up one day and was askng all about the plaque and the wording we had on it. It seemed odd but I told her anyway. A few days later she rang up and asked if we were going to have a photo of Nikita on the plaque, I said no and explained we were having 2 made up one for the garden and one for the cemetery where the first generation of Hubbies Family were buried. The she said "WELL (emphasis on the well) I am having a photo put on the plaque I am having made. AND (emphasis on the and) I have planted a "the childrens rose" JUST for her" ... um ok sure.

Everytime she comes here she makes a point (and very obviously) of going and sitting in the memorial garden we built for Niki, She often tries to encourage me to go and sit with her in the garden, which I refuse to do. She also always manages to tell me how badly it needs weeding ... yeah ok its not weed free some of the weeds actually need to be sprayed to kill the roots and shoots they send out. But I have either been pregnant or BF so not in a position to use poisons. I hand pull out what I can when I go out there but really its my friggin garden who the fruitcake are you?!

One time she came here and exclaimed really loudly in front of guests, "wow your lino is really shiney, did you clean it? I have NEVER (emphasis) seen it shiney before" ....... even when its grubby, its shiney.

My Babyshower - holy moly - we had not really spoken following an outburst by yours truly and my having to physically remove her from my house when she refused to leave. I reluctantly sent her an invite, bestie was the rsvp person. Instead of saying to bestie "I am sorry I cannot make it" She said " I am sorry but Naomi has made it clear that I am not welcome in her house any more" Bestie forwarded it to me and said "it speaks volumes about her."

DD's 1st Birthday - Mum wanted to give DD Fairy bread and went on and on about it being a party so she should have fairy bread. Bestie was in the room when I fed DD her sausage with mum carrying on about fairy bread and I cracked it and said "No, DD is eating her sausage, then she is having some cheese and bread, she is NOT having fairy bread or other sweets as she has NOT been introduced to them" .... Mum rolled her eyes and made a face behind my back but I caught it well enough to see it, Bestie just winked at me LOL.

Gah there is more I could go into but dinner is ready LOL.

I am so pleased that everyone else in here has mental issues, I was beginging to think I was the only one in the whole world who'd rather little to no contact with their mother or father or MIL etc.

Nae x
Nae, all of that is so familiar. Competitiveness is also a trait of the disorder. My MIL was the same. We bought a brand new car ... two week later MIL had a brand new car that was 'better' than ours (she always made a point of telling us how much better what she had was than what we had). When we bought a new leather lounge, a month later MIL had a new leather lounge. She invited DH over to see it. She bought a five seater and pointed out the seats 'One for the mother, one for father and one for each of the children' (she always refers to herself as 'the mother'). DH was really confused by 'the children' comment and questioned her on it. The seats were for DH, DH's older sister and DH's older brother. DH was 25 years old at the time, his brother was 31 and his sister was 34. She really did play the game 'anything you can do, I can do better'. I didn't care that she bought a new couch or car just because we did. I did find it interesting how it was part of a pattern of behaviour. It did get annoying when she starting buying the same clothes as me though ...

I didn't invite MIL to my baby shower even though we were still in contact - too many bad memories. I found out later though that she had made me a baby blanket (apparently) and showed everyone who visited her the blanket she had made but told them that she was not allowed to give it me as she was not allowed to give her own grandchildren gifts She is not anymore, but at that point she could.

MIL has a shocking record with parties and I could not enjoy myself when she was there. I told my SIL (from my side of the family) that I would rather not have a baby shower than have MIL come. I almost didn't have one because I was so riddled with guilt about not inviting her but she was going through another stage of 'food allergy' so who knows what we would have fed her. She also thought that if I had a party and invited her, I should talk to her and only her for the whole party. She would get inches from my face and stay there the whole time. I couldn't do it again. I just could not deal with her.

this so hits home for me, like many others mine is a complicated story with my mother and it all came to a head last year when i was suffering my 3rd miscarriage in 6 months and she was so horrible and so mean to me about it, she stormed out of my house saying she "wasn't welcome here" because i was so upset i couldn't even talk to her. she then ran to my brother and cried hysterically to him and from that day i have lost my mum, dad and brother as they all took her side and have been awful to me

it really did feel like they had died that day and every "family" moment since has been terrible for me, birthdays, mothers day etc but Jennifer you are so right it is such a lonely grief because i can't write on fb today is the anniversary of my families death because they are still alive but not to me. i have no family, no grandparents, aunts uncles etc its hard

i am so sad to see you all needing to post in here but at the same time it comforts me that others have felt the way i do
Minniemouse - that sounds so awful! I'm sorry your mum did those things to you and your father and brother enable her by taking her side. Triangulation like this is another trait of the disorder. If you didn't check out the links I posted earlier, have a look. The Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers website has so much information and if you don't understand much of NPD, it will help you understand your mum.

It is sad that so many people have family members that have NPD. It really does destroy families. I agree with Jennifer13, the emotional abuse that goes with it is just as soul destroying as any other form of abuse. It is so much harder to identify than other forms of abuse because people with NPD are masters at looking like the victim while blaming everyone else for their choices. They never take responsibility and I think over time it starts to make you feel crazy.

was just reminded of my birthday present last year. Mum has this thing about "Fat" people. I am a 14-16 post baby and have really only started dropping weight since I became pregnant ...... anyhoo, she asks me what I wanted for last years birthday, so I tell her, I need some button open pj's so I can BF, new pants new tops etc. She asks my size so I say to get a 14. She comes with some pants, a singlet top (my birthday is in July) and some PJ ... they were a size 18 and even against her "fat" daughter they were huge for me. I said to her "Mum these are an 18, and I cannot open the front to BF DD" ... "well I thought they were funny, look it says "do not disturb"" I asked her to take them back and she said I'd grow into them ...... they went in the bin the very next day.
Narcissists are notoriously bad at giving gifts. MIL bought DH a yo-yo for Christmas one year because she saw some 12 year old boy playing with it in Germany and thought that DH might like it. DH was 23 at the time