Children of Narcissistic Parents

[Just Me]

As much as I hate to say it I actually feel somewhat comforted by reading some your posts.......

I wonder if there is an element of competition in these people. I didn't go into it in depth in my other thread but I will in here. After Nikita died when we were done organising funerals etc, I mentioned to mum that we were having a plaque made up to put under a tree in our backyard. SO mum had to get one too. at the time I didn't really think anything of it until she rang up one day and was askng all about the plaque and the wording we had on it. It seemed odd but I told her anyway. A few days later she rang up and asked if we were going to have a photo of Nikita on the plaque, I said no and explained we were having 2 made up one for the garden and one for the cemetery where the first generation of Hubbies Family were buried. The she said "WELL (emphasis on the well) I am having a photo put on the plaque I am having made. AND (emphasis on the and) I have planted a "the childrens rose" JUST for her" ... um ok sure.

Everytime she comes here she makes a point (and very obviously) of going and sitting in the memorial garden we built for Niki, She often tries to encourage me to go and sit with her in the garden, which I refuse to do. She also always manages to tell me how badly it needs weeding ... yeah ok its not weed free some of the weeds actually need to be sprayed to kill the roots and shoots they send out. But I have either been pregnant or BF so not in a position to use poisons. I hand pull out what I can when I go out there but really its my friggin garden who the fruitcake are you?!

One time she came here and exclaimed really loudly in front of guests, "wow your lino is really shiney, did you clean it? I have NEVER (emphasis) seen it shiney before" ....... even when its grubby, its shiney.

My Babyshower - holy moly - we had not really spoken following an outburst by yours truly and my having to physically remove her from my house when she refused to leave. I reluctantly sent her an invite, bestie was the rsvp person. Instead of saying to bestie "I am sorry I cannot make it" She said " I am sorry but Naomi has made it clear that I am not welcome in her house any more" Bestie forwarded it to me and said "it speaks volumes about her."

DD's 1st Birthday - Mum wanted to give DD Fairy bread and went on and on about it being a party so she should have fairy bread. Bestie was in the room when I fed DD her sausage with mum carrying on about fairy bread and I cracked it and said "No, DD is eating her sausage, then she is having some cheese and bread, she is NOT having fairy bread or other sweets as she has NOT been introduced to them" .... Mum rolled her eyes and made a face behind my back but I caught it well enough to see it, Bestie just winked at me LOL.

Gah there is more I could go into but dinner is ready LOL.

I am so pleased that everyone else in here has mental issues, I was beginging to think I was the only one in the whole world who'd rather little to no contact with their mother or father or MIL etc.

Nae x

Nae, all of that is so familiar. Competitiveness is also a trait of the disorder. My MIL was the same. We bought a brand new car ... two week later MIL had a brand new car that was 'better' than ours (she always made a point of telling us how much better what she had was than what we had). When we bought a new leather lounge, a month later MIL had a new leather lounge. She invited DH over to see it. She bought a five seater and pointed out the seats 'One for the mother, one for father and one for each of the children' (she always refers to herself as 'the mother'). DH was really confused by 'the children' comment and questioned her on it. The seats were for DH, DH's older sister and DH's older brother. DH was 25 years old at the time, his brother was 31 and his sister was 34. She really did play the game 'anything you can do, I can do better'. I didn't care that she bought a new couch or car just because we did. I did find it interesting how it was part of a pattern of behaviour. It did get annoying when she starting buying the same clothes as me though ...

I didn't invite MIL to my baby shower even though we were still in contact - too many bad memories. I found out later though that she had made me a baby blanket (apparently) and showed everyone who visited her the blanket she had made but told them that she was not allowed to give it me as she was not allowed to give her own grandchildren gifts She is not anymore, but at that point she could.

MIL has a shocking record with parties and I could not enjoy myself when she was there. I told my SIL (from my side of the family) that I would rather not have a baby shower than have MIL come. I almost didn't have one because I was so riddled with guilt about not inviting her but she was going through another stage of 'food allergy' so who knows what we would have fed her. She also thought that if I had a party and invited her, I should talk to her and only her for the whole party. She would get inches from my face and stay there the whole time. I couldn't do it again. I just could not deal with her.

this so hits home for me, like many others mine is a complicated story with my mother and it all came to a head last year when i was suffering my 3rd miscarriage in 6 months and she was so horrible and so mean to me about it, she stormed out of my house saying she "wasn't welcome here" because i was so upset i couldn't even talk to her. she then ran to my brother and cried hysterically to him and from that day i have lost my mum, dad and brother as they all took her side and have been awful to me

it really did feel like they had died that day and every "family" moment since has been terrible for me, birthdays, mothers day etc but Jennifer you are so right it is such a lonely grief because i can't write on fb today is the anniversary of my families death because they are still alive but not to me. i have no family, no grandparents, aunts uncles etc its hard

i am so sad to see you all needing to post in here but at the same time it comforts me that others have felt the way i do

Minniemouse - that sounds so awful! I'm sorry your mum did those things to you and your father and brother enable her by taking her side. Triangulation like this is another trait of the disorder. If you didn't check out the links I posted earlier, have a look. The Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers website has so much information and if you don't understand much of NPD, it will help you understand your mum.

It is sad that so many people have family members that have NPD. It really does destroy families. I agree with Jennifer13, the emotional abuse that goes with it is just as soul destroying as any other form of abuse. It is so much harder to identify than other forms of abuse because people with NPD are masters at looking like the victim while blaming everyone else for their choices. They never take responsibility and I think over time it starts to make you feel crazy.

was just reminded of my birthday present last year. Mum has this thing about "Fat" people. I am a 14-16 post baby and have really only started dropping weight since I became pregnant ...... anyhoo, she asks me what I wanted for last years birthday, so I tell her, I need some button open pj's so I can BF, new pants new tops etc. She asks my size so I say to get a 14. She comes with some pants, a singlet top (my birthday is in July) and some PJ ... they were a size 18 and even against her "fat" daughter they were huge for me. I said to her "Mum these are an 18, and I cannot open the front to BF DD" ... "well I thought they were funny, look it says "do not disturb"" I asked her to take them back and she said I'd grow into them ...... they went in the bin the very next day.

Narcissists are notoriously bad at giving gifts. MIL bought DH a yo-yo for Christmas one year because she saw some 12 year old boy playing with it in Germany and thought that DH might like it. DH was 23 at the time

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I do feel a need to stick up for my mother WRG gifts - she is "the bestest ever gift-giver". She takes time and effort to perfectly link person with gift. She shows me everything and goes through it and through it to show how much effort she puts in. Although, thinking on it, for my 30th she bought me the same watch as she'd bought me 14m before for Christmas and some duty-free stuff (knowing I don't celebrate birthdays anyway, but if you're going to ignore that then it is a big birthday), then as a congrats gift bought me some nutty chocolate so DH and DS weren't "allowed" to eat. Actually, DS can't have dairy and DH is allergic to nuts enough that I can't eat them unless he's away for the week.

[Just Me]

I thought I might just add too in relation to our kids, I don't think my PIL actually care about them at all. They want to see them and they want to be in their lives but only because PIL think they are entitled and that we are not fulfilling our job as dutiful children by presenting our children to them on a regular basis (or at all). They have grandkids that they have contact with but because they are so easy for them to get to, they don't do much with them but they obsess over my children because they feel that we have taken away their entitlement.

Really all they want is some photos for a yearly news letter that they send to all their friends as well as a bit of information. They also want DH to bring our children to pay homage to them on a regular basis. But it isn't about seeing our kids, it is about our kids worshipping them. They want their friends to see them as doting, loving grandparents, but they aren't. They had a pool that was not fenced and they refused to fence it until the council fined them. They had grandchildren for more than 10 years before they fenced their pool. They had boxer dogs that they used to let in the house when my nephew was a baby ... if SIL put him on the floor, they would open the door and let the dogs run in and on top of him The dogs weighed at least 50kg each. Their dogs have also bitten all of the kids at least once and they still wouldn't put them outside They don't care about their safety. They care about themselves and everyone else has to accommodate them, meet their needs and make them feel good about themselves.

When DH's grandfather died, DH was told that partners and children were not invited to the funeral 'because they're not family'. She only considered her, FIL, DH and DH's siblings to be family in that circumstance. She didn't want her children distracted at the funeral by their own children, so she told her DH and his siblings not to bring their own children. The funeral wasn't here, DH would have had to travel - basically, she wanted them all to take a holiday together without all the pesky attachments. That way they could all focus on her. DH didn't go. His brother and sister did but DH 'let down the family'. DH told her that I was his family (we didn't have kids at the time) and his first priority.

The other thing - when DH's grandad died, we got a copy of the funeral notices. All PIL's kids and grandkids were mentioned by name, but all partners were excluded (same for all DH's cousins and their children). My PIL wrote the funeral notice but did not mention any partners. Same deal when DH's grandmother died. We were no longer having contact, but he and all our children got mentioned in the funeral notice by name, as did his siblings and cousins and all their children, but no partners were mentioned. I think that's odd. It kind of represents how I have always felt about my MIL though - she sees me a uterus, an incubator for her grandchildren (she has NEVER referred to them as our children, they are always HER grandchildren ... I really do think it is her way of owning them) but nothing more. She still sees her own children as her family and she uses them for her narcissistic feed. She muscles the rest of us out in subtle ways, but they are there. Few people would have noticed the absence of partners' names on the funeral announcement, but I did. My whole family - DH and my children were all mentioned, but I was left out, like I didn't exist. I hate the psychological games.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Hugs JM. I know how long you've been having this battle and it hasn't been easy for you. If they wanted to show you love and that was it then they wouldn't have found themselves in this situation!

...

I could write stories about her all day. I really could. Sounds like there's a lot of us in that boat! (Not surprised: why reach out to an internet forum where no-one knows you when you have a loving helpful mother?) ...

[Just Me]

Ha ha - they get more and more obvious as they get older I think

[black_rose]

My mum has a thing about bigger people too, she hates that i am a size 16/18 (which is probably why I am) she buys me clothes which are miles to big and picks on one of her friends who is obese.

My mum picks weird presents too, for Christmas last year I got cake servers from a magazine and a cheap beaded bracelet when she knew I would like a charm for my bracelet. She buys more expensive for my brother and brags about it.

[toomanyshoes]

Mum had a lap band done before DS was born and delights in pointing out that I'm now fatter than her. She's delusional about how "skinny" she is though.

I moved from TAS to QLD at 17 just to get away from her, she came up when I was 35ish weeks pregnant with DS and we she got to our place she was crying. Stupid me thought it was tears of happiness to see me but later told me she was just "so" upset at how much weight I had put on, it was devastating for her. Mind you I had PE which made me look like a balloon.

She completely took over once DS was born, she would take him out of our room and put him in bed with her over night. She convinced me I couldn't breast feed and we needed to bottle feed, or should I say she needed to bottle feed him. Then when he was 2months old she went back to TAS....leaving me completely unconfident in my abilities.

The other thing that gets to me is her flat out denying things that everyone knows happened. Her favourite catch phrase when I was living at home was "I love you because I have to but I don't like you" and that I was a selfish little b**ch. Mind you she told everyone else family, friends that I was the perfect job and she had done such a wonderful job raising me. I might have been a bit of a b**ch at 16/17 but selfish was one thing I wasn't and the only reason I was a b**ch was because of how she treated me.

Another one was how she gave up everything for me, she put her life on hold for me and then when I hit 15 she wasn't there for me (not that she ever was) because once I started dating she had to start dating and she had "better" boyfriends, more boyfriends. I have to laugh though, when I was 16 for Valentines day I got 3 big beautiful bunches of roses and a teddy...she got a tiny little bunch from her crappy boyfriend...have to admit I was pretty chuffed with that although she of course turned it around on me and that it was my fault and I was being selfish again... sigh

[StrawberryFields]

My mum ALWAYS buys me clothes that are too big for me - then of course I would get in trouble for complaining that they were miles too big, or asking for the reciept so I could go get the right size. I was a size 8 and she was consistently buying me 12-14's.

She's also a TERRIBLE gift giver - I remember when I was about 8 or 9, all I wanted for Christmas was a baby born doll. ALL I wanted, I even told her get me nothing else I don't want anything else accept that doll. I got a stocking full of clothes (all too big for me), a book about Egypt, and a chocolate making kit - I'm allergic to cocoa. I mean how hard is it to get a kid one thing. Its not like they were a hot item at the time and stocks would have been low. I wanted one thing and she didn't think I should have it - I remember her saying I was 'too old' for dolls.

I also cop being told how much she gave up for me and how she raised a child, worked full time, and did uni all at the same time. The truth is she was a shift worker, it wasn't unusual for there to be several days a week when I didn't see her. Dad would drop me at a friends house early before school and I would get a lift with them, and then I would go home with another friend after school until Dad finished work. The nights when she was home, Dad would cook, and she would be in the study click click clicking away on the keyboard getting her assignments done. The only time she really did things for me was to drive me to piano lessons that I hated, or stand over me yelling at me while I practiced whatever musical instrument I was being forced into at the time. When I was 15 she took a job in Canberra for 6 months and it was bliss - accept for every second weekend when she would come home to 'visit' (read: check up on me). Raised me my arse.

[Tinsel]

*hand up* yep, I have a mother with NPD. I went to the links which were posted in another thread and when I read the traits I was like yep, that's it alright. I have limited contact with my family and try not to let them stress me out.

It is a little sad that there are so many of us with issues but at the same time I am glad that there are people who understand.

I am constantly aware of the way I talk to my girls and I really, really don't want my relationship with my girls to be like it was/is with my mother. I'm fairly sure it won't be but the thought is always there.

[toomanyshoes]

I'm very worried of turning out like my mother, I really don't want my childhood for my kids.

I try very hard to do things differently to her, just so I'm not like her in any way even to the point of staying in my marriage for the sake of not being a single parent like her. Luckily staying in my marriage has been a good thing and things are finally better than they have ever been.

I really wanted to be a nurse but again, she's a nurse so I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to be compared to her in any way.

[Jennifer13]

My MIL chooses gifts according to what she likes. Since her taste is certainly not mine, they're rarely what I'd choose. She's not a bad gift giver in the way that others are talking about, it's just she uses gifts as a way of buying attention and status. We had to put a blanket rule in place stipulating one present for DD at Xmas and bday because she piled up a roomful of gifts for her when DD was 20 mths, mostly unwrapped and just whatever she happened to have picked up while shopping. It was just the sheer volume and the whole "look how much I've given her" angle. Then she'd bring over something for DD every time she saw her, which we put a stop to (we told her it was because we wanted DD to enjoy spending time with her for the sake of it, not for what she'd bring, but that's only part of the truth. It was just ridiculous and completely inappropriate, not to mention some of the gifts were not even suitable for a toddler.). It started even while I was pg with DD - she bought so many clothes before we were even through the first trimester that we had to be the bad guys and tell her to stop, that was enough. The whole pg became about the role she thought she'd play in our child's life.

Thankfully, because we have cut her back to a limited role and a lot of the intentions she held wrt her granddaughter haven't/won't come about, there's a bit less butting of heads these days. She's now a lot more immersed in her life of travelling too. so that's the upside for NPD - far too focused on herself to focus for long on her grandchild (she's given up on us mostly, since she has no influence there).

The little things she says still irk me and are a constant reminder about how/who she is and will always be. A few weeks ago we took DD over and I took over the beanie I'd started knitting for the baby (to give me something to do - helps if you don't have to play visitors only I've found!). She looks through the knitting book I had and asks me what I want to try next and when I point out a little set she tells me that I can get her to do it (how nice of her ) because she'd do it so much faster than me. She then pulls out a dozen old mags with other knitting projects and tells me to choose what I'd like her to knit (because clearly at my level I'm not going to be capable of some of the more ambitious ones). She didn't actually say that last bit, but YKWIM when I say it was implied. Strongly.

That's the thing about NPD. You take up a new hobby, they can do it so much better and must take ownership. Any compliments are completely backhanded to add to that. ("Oh, only a few mistakes on that bit there, I guess that's not bad for a first effort.")

And the critical aspect to how she talks to us - particularly DP. He got a new car he was proud of - she tells him he "has more money than sense". Lovely. And yet we listen to her endlessly pontificating about how much her house must be worth now, based on the place across the road/next door/who cares. You bought it almost 40 years ago - in Sydney I would think it is worth a bit more now than it was then! And she always forgets the bit about how much money she was given by her parents to help buy it in the first place. Anything good is because of her, anything bad or threatening has to be blamed on someone else. If someone else has something good she doesn't have, it has to be inconsequential or unwanted.

She really falls down on parenting though. She tries to pass off any problems from her own parenting as down to the fact that her boys were 'bad', or that it was because they were boys. DD was such a dream baby and is still a great kid, so she can't find any area of our parenting to criticise or advise on (particularly since she only sees it in limited chunks anyway). But we are constantly told that we don't have problems because DD is a girl.

[minniemouse]

wow my eyes have been opened in this thread !

just me: i wrote a very similar letter explaining how things would be if they were allowed to see the children, she threw it all back in my face and said there would be no meeting up if it didn't involve my brother (i said he wasnt invited as he has apologies of his own to make, i don't get why she defends him but not one of them has seemed to have thought of defending me !). she told me that its all I I I with me and i never think of anyone else, i was shocked because i have always considered it the other way around. she told me no one should treat their parents the way i had treated mine, i guess this is all part of it ?

i had to live my life with people constantly telling me how wonderful she is and how lucky i was to have her as a mother, this always confused me as i knew a different side to her.

im also concerned about being like this with my kids, i have a very clear memory of horrible things that were said when i was a child "you are so lazy im surprised you bother to breathe" etc

what i really don't get is my brother 100% supporting her and completely blocking me, he and i were both living in london in our 20's, mum came over to visit for a month, one particular day (my birthday) she carried on about something and created such a scene ruining my birthday and asking me why i hated her so much, my brother and her didn't speak for months after she went home over it and so thats why i don't understand him now, he knows what he is like so why isn't he supporting me ?

[Just Me]

wow my eyes have been opened in this thread !
what i really don't get is my brother 100% supporting her and completely blocking me, he and i were both living in london in our 20's, mum came over to visit for a month, one particular day (my birthday) she carried on about something and created such a scene ruining my birthday and asking me why i hated her so much, my brother and her didn't speak for months after she went home over it and so thats why i don't understand him now, she knows what he is like so why isn't he supporting me ?

I'd say the first issue - bringing it up on your birthday - had to do with this: Your Success and Happy Days - Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and you'll probably find the issue with your brother has to do with him being the Golden Child and you being the Scape Goat - Golden Child Scapegoat - Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers I was the Scape Goat in my family and my brothers still can't see that there is anything wrong with things that happened. It's frustrating and it's lonely. I was also told by everyone around me that I was lucky. I believed them too until I realised that not everyone was like that.

DH was neither the GC or the SG in his family. His brother was the GC and his sister was the SG. Funnily enough, neither of them can see any problems with the way his parents are and I suspect that DH's brother has developed a NPD all of his own complete with dillusions of granduer.

[*Sparklez*]

ok im back

wow you ladies, we all have alot more in common than i think we ever realised, shame its on this note that we can somewhat connect..
some of you have read my posts on my mum, throughout my BB experience but they are only tiny specs on a huge flower that hit home..

My mum has always been the queen, the counsellor, the financier, the homemaker, the single mother etc etc etc.. i could go on but i really cant be bothered with the names she calls herself..
Everything my whole life has been about what she is, what she has sacrifised, what she had to do to finance me, what she had tried to do to protect me blah blah blah
Thing is she never once raised me, she left me to go party and use drugs, and have her teenage life, wasnt till she was preg with my brother that she even bothered to come and get me, and till my nan threatened legal custody that she made her tracks to my nans house..
I was raped by my dads brother when i was 6, and when she found out, she was yelling and crying saying "how could he do this to me?, why would he violate my property?"
Now being 6 yrs old i was just a child, i was forced to give a step by step encounter, forced into 3 yrs of constant counselling, and was made to tell my family members how i felt and what happened. When it happened again 10 months later by a drug addicts friend who was staying at my mums i didnt bother telling her, still havent, i could only imagine what she would do..
I grew up with, your exaclty like your father and his family, you ruined my life, i could be away vacationing right now, do you realise what i had to scarifise to have you in MY house?
my mum was a drug dealer for almost my whole life i was with her, and why? Cause her kids make her, She couldnt go get a job, because we wouldnt let her..
We used to get flogged with straps, wooden spoons, plastic and metal spoons, and her hands, cause we brought out the evil in her apparently,
If i didnt do as i was told, I was made to eat a bar of body soap and had to swollow it in front her.. cause ifshe didnt do it, god knows how i would be as an adult.
When it came to family outings i was always told to stay next to my nan, (always did anyway) so we didnt embarress her with our rude behaviour.
She would always ruin my bday's without fail, she would start a fight with me infront of my friends, hit me, and say that she wished i was dead, that i was nothing but an ungrateful b***h and ask my friends if they ever spoke to their mother like i did..
She would go out every weekend leave me and my bro with our 14 yr old cousin and her friends, and come home with practically the whole night club and random men, and brag about what they said attracted them to her, her drug addict friends would lie on the couch out of it, with their crap hanging out of their bag, some where even prostitutes that used to come over while they had some free time and why? cause my mum thought they needed somewone to talk too..
When it came to my sport games, she would never ever come, my friends parents used to take me, and she would never ever turn up ever, when she did, she would say "i took time out to come see you play and look at you, all sloppy, if i was the coach i would kick you off the team"
My mum thinks she is the counsellor to the stars, she thinks she fixes everyones problems, nothing she cant fix, bar her own kids, she thinks everyone looks up to her and her wise opinions and advice.
Everyones problems, she always has a "yeah i had ....' always something she has been through alsso, no one has a problem she hasnt had.
If she is invited somewhere, its "because of everything ive done for so and so.." like she is queen sheba and everyone worships her.
When i fell pregnant with my sons she told everyone how i was following in her footsteps, how im exactly like her and etc.
She also said i failed school, that i was going to be like all the other teenage mums that fail at parent hood and that i dont deserve a child, who will just be a doll to me.
When i found out isaiah was gone, she said "well your probably better off, how can i help a 16 yr old with 2 babies...
when it came to his funeral, she kept being approached by people asking if i and xh were ok and stuff, and she said "no need to worry, its not like she didnt know he was dead"
i stopped talking to her after that for a while i couldnt cope with her and my lose and having a newborn baby, all at 16, when i got back in contact with her just shy of my ds's 1st bday, she complained that i had abandoned her in her time of grief of her grandson and deprived her of ds. i just ignored it, by thrn i was pregnant again, and she went onto say, you cant replace isaiah you know. he wasnt meant to be yours, it remindss me when i has a m/c... Tuned out after the word "I"

During all this she still to this day protests that SHE raised my children, she woke up to them at night, she spent the time in hossy while ds1 had pneumonia and other issues, and when ds2 was in SCn after birth for a while, she bought their stuff etc... Complete fantasy, i wish i could sya she did anything but put me down and make me depressed.
When my XDH cheated on me, she actually sided with him, he used to come around and beat me up due to his own guilt and in front of my boys and he nearly killed me twice, once nearly stabbed me with a pen in my neck and the second time threw a car jack at me just missing my head, and her response " you have to learn top shut your mouth, havent i taught you anything?
I was living by myself with my boys at 18 nearly 19 yrs of age, and she never helped me, my nan did, when i rebelled my nan looked after those boys..
She loved my XDH cause he showeredc her with gifts that he used to throw money at her, buy her what ever she wanted take her to the pubs and clubs etc etc, But if you ever say what did I and xdh buy her, its "not her he did, it was his money, she never buys me anything"
Thats why her and my dh dont get along.
the famous lines i love more than ever NOT are :
* you owe me every cent you have for what i had to fork out for you
* your ungrateful, you never appreciate anything
* i had to give up all my hopes and dremas to be your mother (rather wished she hadnt and left me where i was)
*your nothing, you'll never be anything
* if only you had your mothers looks, you'd be gorgeous
so many more i could go on for ever
I remember when me and xdh seperated he locked me up in his house for 3 months and towards the end went overseas, and my mum came, i was about 42 kg, and im 5tft9, and i was limp on the lounge, and she walked in and started going crazy, Look at you!! why didnt you call me? how could you let yourself get like this, im going to take you to the hossy, im going to make you eat.
I had bullemia FFS, i couldnt eat!! she told the hospital i was weird, that i made myself sick, i have a good life and im throwing it down the drain cause im selfish, she has done everything she can for me..

Man i could go on and on and on about her... its not funny, some it sounds far fetched but if you grew up with me and knew my true friends you would know its no lie, that i count my blessings everyday that im not dead, that i didnt kill myself or become a complete drug addict or anything really..
No matter what she has done i know this is her, and will never change, but for me to rid her out of my life would be like i had to move to another country and change my identity she would hunt me down..

[StrawberryFields]

i had to live my life with people constantly telling me how wonderful she is and how lucky i was to have her as a mother, this always confused me as i knew a different side to her.

I get this ALL the time. If I have to hear one more person say "I don't know what you're complaining about, your mum's so nice" or " I don't know what you're talking about she seems really sweet" or "she's only doing it because she really loves you" or "wow you're mum is so good to you!" I'm going to go postal. My mother does things for me because then I am indebted to her - I had one phone bill that was really high when I was 16 and I STILL hear about it. Its been nearly 6 years! GTFO it woman!

[toomanyshoes]

Totally relate to the money thing, dad use to have his will so that his mum got a 3rd and mum and I got a 3rd each but her third was for me when I was over 18.

Anyway 2 years before dad died he changed it so I got 100%, boy oh boy didn't the guilt trips start when the money came in. I "owed" her this that and everything else. I ended up giving her $50k thinking that would be the end of it, when my tax return came in which was almost $50k she expected more.....its always more I can never repay my "debt" with her.

Even now she talks about if I win the lotto how much I should give to her (usually around 25-50%) but if she wins she's going to buy me a house.......

And the looks thing, "you would be so pretty if you lost some weight like me" GGGRRRRR

[StrawberryFields]

I always get: 'You were such a beautiful baby...what happened?' or 'The genes were there you were just too stupid to chose the right ones.' Yes, because the fact that she chose to marry and procreate with my father who looks like the jockey sized lovechild of Mr. Plod and the Monopoly man has absolutely nothing to do with it and the fact I'm short can't possibly be anyone else's fault accept for mine!

[*Sparklez*]

I always get: 'You were such a beautiful baby...what happened?' or 'The genes were there you were just too stupid to chose the right ones.' Yes, because the fact that she chose to marry and procreate with my father who looks like the jockey sized lovechild of Mr. Plod and the Monopoly man has absolutely nothing to do with it and the fact I'm short can't possibly be anyone else's fault accept for mine!

This to me sounds like my mum, but not big noting myself i am not an ugly lady (lol @lady) i am quite happy to say i pride myself in my looks, but when my mum put me down about how i looked like a little hairy wog or that i wish i inherited the blonde hair blue eyes, i grew up to realise that she was jealous of me and my looks, i looke dnothing like my mothers daughter and would comment on how my dark features were so enticing.. they didnt comment on her, so she would use an insult to cover her feelings of jealousy..
I bet your beautiful, tall or short, doesnt measure up to whats inside and you sound perfect to me, you all do, we all are