Funny, I stumbled on this website when I Googled "jealous daughter-in-law" and I really need help from your perspective. I am a 50 year old mother of 2 boys (28 and 22) and step mom to 2 (29 and 23) girls. We have worked really hard over the past 10 years to create a strong loving blended family. It worked. We have the same issues as any family, but many of my friends envy our blended family success. Obviously, at times there were challenges, such as dealing with the girls Mom. But after lots of hard work (mostly internally) as adults we realize we want the best for our children and we put petty personal issues aside so that our children can have loving relationships with all of us and not have to shield any part of their lives.

My oldest son is engaged to be married. He has a 3 year old girl from a prior relationship. We have worked REALLY hard to have as much contact with our granddaughter as possible (she lives 800 miles away) and have also tried over those years to have her mother be comfortable with us. We are not "friends" per se, but the mother has a strong relationship with her own grandparents and so has been accommodating to us, thankfully. Unfortunately, she and my future daughter-in-law hate each other. My son, I am sure, gets an earful from his fianc? whenever the issue of the "ex" comes up. He is a good father and they have his daughter every weekend. They are currently finalizing all of the legal documents regarding support and visitation.

Several times in the past months, I have had conversations with my son that were normal, happy, etc. Within minutes, he will call me back yelling and screaming. Most of the time it is after I have mentioned that maybe I should call the mother and see if I can arrange to see her or have some time with her. Because of the timing I am quite sure this is coming from his fianc? and my take is that she is insecure and jealous and thinks we are buddies, which is not the case. I am sure he is in the middle and I really wish they would get some counseling before the wedding, but I doubt that will happen. What I told my son on those prior conversations is that I am not friends with the mother, but if I need to contact her at some point to see my granddaughter, then that is something I will do. This is about the child and no one else. When we last spoke, my husband and I were going to go down in January and babysit while he and his fianc? went out of town for a weekend. He ended the conversation with "January;'s off!". To me, that is sacred ground and bothers me greatly that he would use the child as a pawn. This was 4 days ago. We normally talk once a week and I get to talk to my granddaughter then too. Christmas is next week and I just don't know what to do. I am contemplating writing a nice loving letter to the fianc?, letting he know that I am happy to have her as a daughter-in-law and look forward to getting to know her better. I want to gently remind her that my son comes with a past and that past includes a child and her mother. As a step-parent myself, I understand her difficulties, especially when she has not had children herself. It's a lot for a newlywed to take on. I want to assure her that I understand her position and appreciate her role in my granddaughter's life, while assuring her that I would phone Attila the Hun if I needed to to see a grandchild.

I really need the perspective of young women out there and help as soon as possible. Thank you,
A loving grandma