Hi cjneil and welcome. I'm so sorry to hear you are having these troubles, especially at this time of year.

I'm going to speak as a slightly nose-out-of-place DiL here - things a MiL say seem to undermine you a lot more than things a random stranger does! I'm still smarting that MiL told me she didn't consider me family 2 years ago and I normally get on well with her (that and last year's little gem too). It's also easy to think that someone else - particularly another DiL - is more favoured and that really gets my back up when I see how much my MiL does for her other DiL.

I would second the idea that you have to talk to your future DiL. Going via your son would (and does) annoy me. Ask her for a girly coffee and talk about how hard it was for you becoming a stepfamily and how it must be harder as she has not yet had children. Tell her you love your granddaughter but think DiL's far better for your son than his ex was (even if you exaggerate a bit!) and you're looking forward to the wedding and her officially joining the family.

Just remember, if there's a problem you want fixed it's no-one's "place" but yours to start fixing it - some people would say go via your son, a common denominator here, but that would upset me, like at school when if you weren't talking it would be "tell XYZ that I don't like her" and rubbish like that. Or at least that's how I feel!

The gift af the necklace is a beautiful one, I hope she realises how much that means. I hope it's just insecurity and it will pass - just thought, do you have pictures of xDiL up, even just for your granddaughter? Take them down, or replace them with granddaughter alone, or even your son, his fianc?e and your granddaughter. That would help a lot!

Best of luck to you.