I can understand where you're coming from in terms of not wanting to pry into your wife's personal space. Glad to hear that she has a online community that she is involved with - as I've stated I think it is a really valuable thing.
I totally agree with you on this - in fact, that totally strong goal for DH and I is getting pregnant and starting a family through the really difficult process of IVF, despite the odds against it occuring naturally. Does your DW view your TTC through AC something you are going through together and that there is a goal to reach together?
I could be interpreting this completely incorrectly - and I apologise if I am - but her saying the above sounds a little to me like doesn't view the process of going through IVF as something significant you are going through together. I've found the actual physical process of IVF a very isolating thing - especially isolating me from my DH in this way. Perhaps your wife is feeling really isolated from you because of the whole process and difficulty of the things she is going through physically and mentally. DH and I have to remind ourselves - in particular I have to keep reminding myself - that despite that isolating mental and physical experience, this is something we are going through together and will reach the goal together. That is the single most significant thing that gives me hope when I'm feeling despondent, and keeps my feet on the ground when my head is way up the air in the fog of hormones and stress during a cycle.
If this is the case, is there a way that you can tell you wife that despite the isolating things (the physical process) that you will reach this goal of successfully conceiving via AC together and that this important, shared goal can bring you closer together? An important fulfilling life goal doesn't necessarily involve trekking around the world (although it most definitely can!), but just something that is vitally important to you together in your relationship, and something that you decide together (not at someone elses suggestion) and would be a big acheivement for you.
I don't mean to be over-stepping my bounds here by offering unsolicited advice, but you have mentioned more than once about your DW bringing up concerns about deep down issues before she started treatment and I wanted to address that. Is there a way that you are able to remind her of what your relationship was based on, and the wonderful things you see in it and the wonderful things you may have done together before the stresses of AC? DH and I like to remind ourselves of all positive and sustaining memories before we started AC - it also draws us closer together during the isolating moments, and at the times where it feels like a struggle to continue with the treatment and that it may be affecting our relationship. Perhaps it would be helpful to remind your DW of the positives in your relationship, and that the stress, let alone the intense hormone treatment, can skew perspective and that focussing on this really important goal and the things you do share together can help balance out the disquiet that seems to occur from the upheaval of treatment (to so many of us!). I'm sure drawing the focus to the positives would be a really good thing for you to deal with your own emotional battle and stress also.
You sound very determined to cope with the stresses and the difficulties your DW is going through, and I applaud you for determination and strength - you're so right - it's a huge emotional journey to go through as a DH/partner, and I can tell you that all in here that are going through AC - we all are so thankful to have partners that also show determination and support that you are showing your wife. All the more so because we often ask for unique and exceptional support and understanding.
Sincerely hope I haven't overstepped my bounds with the advice, hope it's been helpful and I really hope to hear that things are improving for you, as you say - you're in for the long haul, and that counts for everything when going through such a difficult life journey as AC.
Miss C
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