Hi everyone,

I have just been reading some of the other posts here, and I'm hoping I can add my story to the list.
I've only just regstered, so I'm kind of new at this, please forgive any mistakes.

My husband and I have been togehter for about 6 years. At the end of 2000, I got pregnant... while on the pill. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I stopped taking the pill. At our first appointment I was told by my GP to go to the radiologist to have an ultrasound, so I did. The radiologist told me the sac looked about 6 weeks old in size, but she couldn't see a heartbeat, so she told me to come back. I went back 2 weeks later and was told exactly the same thing - that the pregnancy was about 6 weeks.
After several weeks of stuffing around, I was finally at our local hospital and after being seen by about 7 different doctors in the space of an hour, we were told quite bluntly "It looks like your baby is dead, you'll probably have to come back next week for a D&C".
Eventhough my husband and I hadn't been trying, we were devestated... as much by our treatmemt as at losing our baby.

We were married in early 2002 and bought our own house in October 2002. We started trying to get pregnant in Nov 02 and it took us until June 03 to get pregnant. We we ecxtatic! We had a private ob/gyn and we saw our baby's heartbeat for the first time at about 7 weeks. About 2 weeks after that visit I started to have some light brown discharge.. so light that I could barely even tell. I called our doctor and he told me not to worry too much and to come and see him. We went back and he told us that he couldn't see the heartbeat any more. Back to hospital for another D&C.

We were determined not to give up, so we started trying again a few months later. It took no time, and I was pregnant again in January this year. Once again we got excited, convinced that this time would be different. Everything was fine at our first visit... progressing perfectly normally. This time about 4 days after our visit to the doctor I started to bleed and the next day I actually miscarried. My husband was home with me at the time, and we were both crushed to see the little grey blob that should have been our baby.

I want a baby so desperately, but am soo scared to try again. i don't know how many more times I can go through this. I feel like I die a little bit inside each time it hapens, and if I do get pregnant again I'm scared that i will be so stressed that I might cause a miscarriage on my own.

My husband has tried to be the strong one, but I know how much he is hurting too... from losing our babies and from seeing me in so much pain. It seems like everyone is having babies except for me. Our best friends started trying, were pregnant in 3 months, has no problems during their pregnancy and now have a gorgeous little boy. I'm happy for them but at the same time so sad and jealous.

Sorry for rambling, it's just helpful to be able to vent a little without having to wory about anyone seeing my cry.

If anyone has any advice, I would be most grateful to hear it.

Thanks.