I can completely see where Tootie is coming from. That you can't make a formula for dealing with m/c. Each woman has to do what is right for them.

I was also so scared that in trying to deal with things I was pushing DH away, and shutting my feelings away from him and I think that made things a thousand times worse for him. We're just lucky that we can communicate well to each other. The only thing that would have been worse than losing our baby was if I ended up driving him away too.

After all of my m/c I blamed myself. It must have been something I did, or didn't do, something I ate or didn't eat, even something I thought. It has taken me so long to start to change my thinking... that maybe it wasn't something I had done or not done. And that's when the thoughts started to creep in that I must be the most horrible and undeserving person in the whole world. I must have done something absolutely terrible and that losing my baby was my punishment. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, each and every time, I was instantly extatic. I started talking to my 3 or 4 week old baby. Telling him or her how excited I was, and how much he/she was going to be loved by Mummy and Daddy. I started to picture a tiny little face with my eyes and Daddy's nose. To suddenly have all that cruely ripped away, the future of my child reduced to painful longings was excrutiating enough, without having to try to put on a brave face in front of family and friends who just didn't understand. I really needed some time on my own to figure out exactly how I was going to cope with things. I needed to get a bit past the anger and self loathing before I was ready to face the world again.

I do not believe in God. I don't have the faith that a lot of people do, and sometimes I wish I did. It might be easier to belileve that there is a reason for these things happening, that God has a higher plan. But I just have to fight back as best I can. I've tried a lot of different things. I've tried bottling things up, but that just leads to me exploding over the tiniest things and upsetting other people, or worse, trying to hurt myself. Food got to be my best friend at one stage and all that got me was fat, so I started to feel worse because I hated the way I looked as well as everything else. I even tried getting drunk every day for weeks, but once that wore off all the pain was still there.

I still haven't found a way to deall with things, but I just try to go on each day the best way I know how. I think that's all any of us can do