Hey Zola,

Glad you understood what I was getting at there in my last post (and that Colleen does too) because I just really believe that everybody deals with grief, loss and stress in different ways - the main point is that they DO work through it rather than try to avoid it altogether. Everyone must do what is right for them, and others may not always understand it, but you've got to do what you've got to do IYKWIM.

I too felt that it was something I had done....e.g. something I had eaten that I shouldn't have, or something that I didn't eat that I should have. I actually remember that when we were told our first baby had died, it was the first thing I asked - "what did I do wrong?". As you say, I too began to think that I had done something terribly awful in a past life or something! That I simply did not deserve children! How cursed could I be.....and then I'd struggle to try and work out WHY I was cursed, again, what had I done wrong....so the vicious cycle continued.

I remember trying to deal with family and friends immediately following my first m/c and that one person in particular told me I was being self-indulgent!!! How was grieving being self-indulgent? I've lost a child! So yes, isolating myself from such things was simply what I needed to do for a while.

Getting up each day and just battling through the best way that you know how - yes, it's the best thing that you can do for yourself when every day seems like an uphill battle and you can't see anything positive in your day. This might sound totally silly to you, but even if you see posting in this forum (or another one!) once a day as part of your day - i.e. something to occupy your mind a little bit and to get your feelings out in a positive way? Just tossing ideas around here as I know that for me, developing some kind of routine when I felt I was able to, was a good thing. For me, I started making sure that each day that it was sunny outside, that I would take my beautiful dog for a walk. I soon realised that just for that half an hour that I was outside walking him, I didn't think about anything else but him...what he was looking at, things he was smelling, how warm or cool it was, did he need a drink, and how happy he was to be outside and to be with me. I find it refreshing to come home and to realise that for half an hour I'd be free of worry. Even half an hour is a relief!! Anyway, they're just my thoughts/suggestions - let me know what you think because it could well sound like a load of rot to you and that's quite ok! LOL Do whatever is right ok?