Seeing I have sons, to any future DIL's I pledge to...

Be supportive. My mother thrives on drama and can't help sounding quite thrilled at the possibility that I'm not coping. For example - she saw a pic I posted on FB of our newborn sleeping, I had a caption about 'Finally' or something similar. She rang the next day and was all "Oooh having a hard time are you? Having trouble with him are you?" in a gossipy tone of voice. During this conversation she kept asking how on earth I was going to cope when DH goes back to work, how DS1 is going to cope, over and over! If there is nothing going on I don't hear from her for weeks. I actually haven't heard from her since that conversation. Of course if I wasn't coping she would be the last person to know.

Believe in them. At the same time, my mother treats me like I'm about to break into a million pieces! The first few weeks after DS2 was born every conversation was filled with "Ooooh how are you coping? Are you alright? Are you coping alright? You haven't got any of that depression thing have you? Have you been crying?" I find it patronising. I have no idea why she thinks I can't cope, especially when I'm the happiest I've ever been right now.

Never invalidate them. My mother can't listen to any issues I have with DS1 without butting in with "That's exacty what you were like! Don't have to tell me about it! I know exactly what that's like!" She can't just hear what I'm saying and if she knows so much about it then give me some help.

Build them up as parents instead of tearing them down. As most of us do, I use the TV as a distraction when I need to. My mother is very proud to tell me that she never needs to put the telly on when she baby sits, that DS1 didn't even ask to have it on. Yay for you Nanna! Way to make me feel bad.

Respect their rules. I'll never forget the time my mother tried to tell me that my son's sunburnt face was actually just baked beans. It's seriously not that hard to put on sunscreen!