From reading these posts I can see a couple of things

This is also a lot about personality clash I think. There are those who seem to be going with what works for baby (parent adapt to child needs), and those who seem to want a baby that works for them (ie. child adapt to parent needs) and the routines are about how to achieve these goals.

TH is all about how to get the baby to adapt to the parent's way- MINIMAL inconvenience, so as the parents can get back to their own thing (can be seen as selfish)

Take one mother from my MG. A very strong, determined woman, saw her goals followed through, a very inspiring, Just Do It person. Inconvenience was a hurdle to be jumped. So when she had her baby and it wasn't sleeping and she was up every 2 hours, she was at her wits end as most of us are! She decided she would CIO and she did, and she was so chuffed with her accomplishment, that she came to MG with baby in pram, showed us all how it worked. X time rolls around, pop baby into sleeping quarters, no distractions so she put him in the corner, left him and he was quiet...he went to sleep! no fuss no crying...

She was thankful she found a way...and the rest of us were in awe...as our dry, stinging, red-held up with matchsticks- eyeballs dropped out of our heads.

At least I was until the next occasion. She changed his nappy on the blanket on the floor as we all did then, and let him be for a minute. the rest of the babies were also on the floor, including mine. I looked over at friend's baby and something in his eyes caught mine. There was a slightly vacant expression in them. As the other babies oohed and ahhed and looked around and responded to their mum's voices, this baby didn't. In an instant, I felt so shattered by his expression. To me, (and yes this is only what I speculate as i'm not the baby whisperer) this little boy looked like he just "switched off"....stopped interacting.

I never heard of Dr. Margot Sunderland but I can imagine this is what she meant when Shanti said "Dr Margot Sunderland (a well known child psychologist)..... "the too-good child who does not have tantrums may have learned early on that expressing big feelings elicits a frightening parental response, and that the price of parental love is total compliance."


Would love to post more but don't have the time atm. will be back.