Thanks Sushee, I knew you'd understand...

I feel even worse about it today - I had a good friend come over who after having her first DD on her own and raising her as a single mum for the first 18 months is now in a new relationship and has just had her second daughter with her new partner. He has 2 children from a previous relationship so they have 4 all together. She told me today that they have decided to have one more because they really want a boy. I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. That old realisation that it's that easy for other people. They pick and chose when and how many they'll have.

I'm starting to feel a dread wash over me that this feeling isn't going to go away - despite the fact I managed to have another baby, I am still infertile. And it sucks just as much now as it did then. Maybe more so because I have no doubt that if it wasn't for the ordeal we had to go through to have our beautiful boy, DH would be a lot more willing to have another baby.