I agree with you completely Willow but I guess I've lately found peace in forever feeling infertile, even if I wish it were otherwise. I am pretty sure now it'll never go away, the way I feel now. It's been two years and it still haunts me.

I still feel that kick in the guts when someone close tells me they're pg/they're trying. A colleague of mine (same age as me) starting TTC the same month I fell pg to Charlie, and fell the very next month. Her DD was born 6 weeks after Charlie. I spoke to her a week ago and she and her DH are trying again, and I am actually dreading hearing from her anytime soon to say they're expecting again. I am sure I'll fall to pieces, despite the fact I really like her, despite the fact she doesn't deserve any less than to have more kids, despite the fact DH and I aren't having anymore. I just mourn not having an option that doesn't include invasive tests, lots of needles and loads and loads of money just for privilege of TRYING to get pg (because as we all know, the end result is, of course, not gauranteed!).

I expect that it's one of the reasons I have never really let go of the IVF/infertility side of things, despite having had Charlie. It's the only way I feel in some sort of control over how it's affected me.