Single Parents General Chatter - Dec 2007-Jan 2008

[Melly01]

Sorry for being so absent lately. It's felt like I have had no time to myself lately. BF & I broke up, because I didn't feel like I had the time for a relationship & being back a uni will mean I will have even less time to spend with him. He was ok with it, I think. We're back to being friends now which is good since Logan likes him a lot (He came to pick us up for swimming lessons on Saturday, so he could buy me a birthday present after, and Logan ran to him with his arms out saying "Hello Momo!" and was happy to see him.. His name is Damian but I call him Damo so Logan calls him Momo LOL he also calls Nemo & Elmo "Momo", sorry rambled).

I hope everything is going well for all of you.

Oh, Brendansmum, Logan & I just went to Melbourne from the 26th - the 2nd. I loved it down there, I would be so tempted to move there one day.. Logan just wanted to go on the horse & carriage he saw, but we didn't get to. Hopefully another time

[AMH]

Hello not sure if I should write my story here or post a new thread??
I'll give a brief fill in:
I married my DH almost 6yrs ago and have been with him for 10yrs.We have 2 boys, Jasper(4) and Logan(nearly 2). In October last year I found out he had been sms and talking to another woman, a week later I found out we were expecting #3. I confronted him about this other woman and everthing spiralled down hill from there.. Lots and Lots of lies, arguments, hurt and deceit.. I gave our marriage my all still knowing he was contiuing this relationship with this other woman although he denied it.. Xmas he spent xmas eve with her and xmas night.. again lied about it but I knew where he was.. that was the last straw for me and I asked him to move out that weekend following. Since then he has barely seen the boys or barely rung them.. and has just moved this weekend to Bris to live with this other woman..she too is apparently a single mother of 2.. he isnt interested in the new baby and even asked me to get rid of it earlier on. I just dont understand how someone who you thought you knew and loved could hurt you sooo much..
in the last week he has asked me to let him take the kids to Bris with him for visits.. I am refusing as he has never taken an active role in thier lives even when we were together..now hes has threatened to go for custody of them.. my biggest fear...
I have a current solicitor , but i was just wondering what his chances of this are??
I would appreicate any ideas..
thank you
Anna

[Early Kids]

Mel, I loved Melb, it was just gorgeous.... I still cant get over how many parks there are!! Definately no shortage there... lol

Anna, hello and welcome to our lil thread So sorry to hear of your situation. Big congrats on your lovely children and bubba number 3!

I start house hunting soon.... Nigel and i have sorted out a fair bit now and while we are on friendly terms I'm really not sure if I cant trust him to stay with me... it keeps sticking to me that he's done it once, has he really learnt his lesson or not?? So I'm not really sure if I can afford to live by myself but not really sure if I want to live with him either... aaargh. I'm sure we'll (i'll) work something out!!

take care

[Lilly-Pilly]

Hey Anna, Sorry to hear you're having such a yucky time, your ex sounds like a complete idiot.

I never can understand how a parent can just move away and forget about their kids like that. My dad was pretty much the same as your ex. I'm not 27 and have only JUSTforgiven him for the past and got to know him again. I was 5 when he left. I don't think they even realise the effect it has on the kids when they do stuff like that.

We're all here to talk to and support each other through all the cr@p Let us know if there is ever anything we can do to help or if you just need to talk.

It gets better, I promise it does...

[Mellybubz]

Hi Anna,
I'm not too sure about his rights... your solicitor might be the one who can give you a bit more information on that. It must be very difficult for you but I'm proud of you... sounds like you're doing a great job of what you have left and your boys are very lucky to have a mummy who's as strong as you. Do you have much other family around to support you?. How is pregnancy treating you?
Mel.

[Lilly-Pilly]

Lea, i've found a few things for you, can you PM me an address I can post them to??

And does anyone need any girls winter pajamas in size 5 or 6? I have HEAPS here and they are all in excellent condition. If anyone wants them let me know

[Lilly-Pilly]

Hey Lea, sorry i havent posted anything off yet, been a crazy last two weeks around here.
Should her to the post office some time this week!

How is everyone going?

[Early Kids]

Hello everyone

We are doing well, Brendan is a lil monkey and into EVERYTHING! lol

I just ahve a questions for you ladies, I know a few of you have been single parenting for a while so here goes:

My DP (we aren't living together but have resolved some issues, so are seeing each other, if that makes sense?) has had a new job for about 5 weeks now and my child support payments haven't changed, so i'm assuming he hasn't otld them yet. I don't want him to get into trouble, but I want the money. ATM he's only paying $27 a month (that covers 2 tins of formula, which lasts a week and a half) Woopdy do!

So my question is, should I just ring CSA and tell them? Or do I keep on his back and try and get him to do it, it is afterall his resposibility.

Thanks heaps for any input!
Take care

[Amity]

AMH, I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. It's awkward to say the least. I think you should speak with your solicitor ASAP. It ought to be up to HIM to make the effort to see the kids, but you have to be reasonable as well. (Not that you're not IYKWIM).

Brendansmum, I think you should try and work it out with DP rather than CSA - you'd have to lodge a change of assessment on the basis that he's now working, and in your situation I think it'd be better just to try and work it out with him. There's a calculator on the CSA website that you can work around, if you know what his income is. Explain to him how much it costs with Brendan!

Nothing much changed on my front, it's been a difficult few weeks, but I'll get over it. XH being a PITA, but that's SNAFU.

Oh there is one thing - I'm getting divorced in 11 days..... not that I'm counting! XH's last XP (mother of his 16yo daughter) wants to come to our divorce hearing, now THAT'S wierd... hmmm... maybe there's some unresolved issues there...

Hope you're all well.

[Lilly-Pilly]

Hey Div, is your ex being difficult over the papers or did he sign them okay?

That is odd about his other ex wanting to be there at the hearing!

[Early Kids]

Thanks Divvy, just a question though, if DP and I come to an agreement on how much he should pay, do I just let CSA know that that's what's happened, so they can adjust their files and let centrelink know??? Or do I just let centrelink know and DP rings CSA? He has given been giving me extra money to help out with petrol and things (Brendan sees specialists in Perth) so I can trust him to give me the money... there is no problem there.
i'm not sure how the system works.

Thanks heaps

[Banx]

hey..

Need some advice..

how do u girls deal with having babies to XP's? how long did the break up hurt for.. how did u get through coping without a partner?

[Melly01]

Hello Banx,
I am sorry if I'm not much help, from the sounds of it my circumstances may be different to yours so my advice may not help. But here goes anyway.. I for one was kind of relieved when my XP finally listened to me that I wanted to break up for good.
I don't know that I deal the best with having my son to my XP, I mostly wish that we never had to see him again, but I know he will have to be a part of our lives in some way. I try to keep him & his family updated, but have issues with talking to them and get so busy with full time study & looking after Logan I take a while to write emails to the ones that do have internet access. The break up didn't really hurt for me because I had wanted it to happen months before it actually did. The break up still seems to hurt for him, but I think he is beginning to come to terms with it, after almost 2 years.

I got through by just focusing on how much better things would be. I kind of felt like a single parent while I was with him for that short time after Logan was born. He never helped much and mostly yelled at Logan when he cried and called me lazy because I "got to stay at home all day and do nothing". Also I am living with my mother for now, so that helped a lot although I insisted on doing all of the looking after Logan myself (except for when I needed a break every couple of months), it was good to have someone understanding to talk to when I needed it. I also had a close friend who was willing to listen to me vent or take me out for a couple of hours if I needed it while Mum looked after Logan. I also had a social worker visit my house so I could talk to them about any issues I had that I couldn't talk about with anyone else. I also cope by knowing that a happy parent = a happy child and while I am prone to bouts of depression at times, I am a lot happier being single and looking after Logan. As lame as it must sound, he is my life. I am thankful that I am in the best state of mind possible to be able to enjoy every minute I have with him, rather than fighting with someone and being too depressed to enjoy anything.

[Amity]

Banx, I'm sorry to hear you're in this situation.

I left my XH when my sons were 12 months, and three and a half years old. It was difficult, but I live with my parents and we (mostly) get along fine now.

Go and get some legal advice and talk to Centrelink (they can provide social workers) about your situation. It's better to be informed now than not know.

Hope things get better.

On a different note.... I get divorced tomorrow!!! WOOhOO!!!

[Early Kids]

Hey Banx, sorry to hear of your situation. I think these lovely ladies have covered the basis.

I think by the time bubs comes you will be better prepared. Definately talk to centrelink!!

Any questions, please feel free to ask

Divvy... WOOHOO!!!!

Me.... well we (DS dad, his bro and my bro) have all put in a application for a rental. It's not ideal... but i'm hoping this means that DS's dad has sorted things out and really wants to give this a go. I actually cant wait to move out of home... there is no space here and my parents have both started smoking again

anyway enough about me.

How is everyone else?

[Melly01]

Hey Divvy, Congratulations! I hope You're having a good day!

I have to see XP on the weekend He's coming up to watch Logan go to swimming lessons & then said we could all go to lunch or something nearby. I know it's good that he should be seeing him, but I am really dreading it. Oh well, hopefully things will go smoothly this time.

[Early Kids]

Congratulations Divvy!! Hope you had a great day

[pegasus]

hi girls

i have a new account because my ex was reading all i said on my other one.

i've been a single mum to 15 month old dd for 6 months now.

i'm still in the process of getting my own place (living in crisis accommodation, a share house. its actually a good thing, and a nice place).

i'm hoping to move north to my family, next court date is much later this year.

if you've figured out who i am, brendan'smum would know, keep it hush please, but chat to me nonetheless.