Hugs honey.

How do I get him to wake up and realise and acknowledge that he is emotionally abusing me and always has? I have told him that he needs to get his own counselling otherwise he will never be able to have a uccessful relationship with me or anyone else.
This is HIS problem. You cannot be responsible for HIS problems or how he reacts to anything.

It is not your issue - he is the only person who can recognise HIS issue and decide whether he wants to change.

Good luck honey!