It's sad that your mother made you feel not being ready to have sex was some sort of ridiculous hang-up instead of being completely normal. I was abused by a family member and by a boyfriend but i do not regret the consensual sex i had as a teenager. In my experience whether it is me or the partner i'm with, if anything get's compared it is not the physicalities or the mechanics but the mood. Today after some very wonderful intimate moments DP remarked that he has had unloving sex before and he is always amazed by the difference between that and how it is between us. It is not what i do or how i do it, it is how i FEEL when i do it.
Sex is not a purely physical act of relief or an "activity" to be take part in during leisure time. As you feel in your heart (as shown by how you talk about married sex) sex is about the connection between two people. There is no sexual technique or trick which can fake loving devotion to another and the desire to use your body to communicate that love to them through their own body. There is no thrill of willingness or knowledge which can emulate love with conviction, and without love sex is functional and distant.
We raise men not to discuss this, we raise them to be undemonstrative but we allow them to be demonstrative about sex. Men are encouraged, expected to be keen on and to seek sex. Some of that is nature, sure, as it is with women, but a lot of it is nurture.
As a society we joke about men wanting to be bachelors forever, play the field, sleep around, experience everything. But as many men as women get married because as many men as women seek the closeness and ressurance and warmth of the marital bed.
It is my opinion that you should cease giving even a passing thought to those other women DH has known. Whatever it was they did in bed was not spectacular enough to stop him committing his whole life and self to you so he could always share yours. THAT, in my opinion, speaks for itself.
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