Hi Bec,
I've never posted here before but I really do belong in here too. I too have suffered 2 losses and I know your pain so well. I mainly post in the LTTTC and assisted conception thread. I'm sure we've chatted in there before. But today is my 4th last day in the TWW thread so I'm going a bit crazy and snooping round. Probably like a lot of ladies here I belong in many threads really!!

So...your feelings of guilt today. I know what you are going through. You really don't want your SIL to m/c but you just feel like why is it always you who has to go through the pain. I get that. I've had friends pg and give birth since my time TTC and boy are you filled with mixed emotions. Happiness for them, jealous it isn't you. Questioning why you have had to suffer twice when these people have just fallen pg so easily and often not planned.

Do not beat yourself up. The mind plays funny games and I'll tell you this last few weeks my own head has been driving me crazy! Seriously crazy!

Cut yourself a bit of slack. You aren't a bad person. You just want to fall pg and have that mean that a healthy baby will be in your arms in 9 months..I get it.

Maybe I'll post here a bit more. Sounds like this could be my home too!!

Take care of yourself and your heart
Hugs Bel