Oh Rozzie big. First of all, you are not really being selfish at all, you have these feelings because you have been through a nightmare! I can understand where you are coming from I have a bit of a similar but different version. My cousin and I are very close, she has a DD 9 months older than Corey, when we decided to have a 2nd baby, so did they, which was great. We fell pregnant after the 3rd cycle and I just assumed she would fall soon too, well nature hasn't been great with her and it just wasn't happening, whereas I went along happily on my way until horror struck us down. She was a great support for me and when we started to try again we thought this was our chance to do it 'together' again. I couldn't help but be a little nervous when each cycle rolled around wondering how I would cope if she got pregnant before me, this is where I battled selfishness thinking how could I NOT be happy for her she has been trying so much longer than me! I got very defensive at her one day when she said to me that 'you get pregnant so easily, I just want to get pregnant' and which I replied back to tell her 'this is the 4th time I have been pregnant, yes, but I only have one child so far!' I felt like telling her off for comparing her 'hardship' with mine, when in reality I should have been grateful for the fact that at least I am pregnant she is now about to start IVF and needs my support. So Rozzie I guess what I am trying to say is we all have our armour around us that tries to protect us and that includes sometimes being a little 'selfish'. The reminders will always be there for Edward some harder than others, but it is good they are there to remind us of our much loved babies.