Kate - reliving your grief is always exhausting - go and snuggle up in bed with a good book or dvd or even have a sleep, do something to nuture yourself. I always fell so exhausted after counselling but at the same time have the most amazing sense of peace. Glad you went to a new counsellor - don't be afraid to search for one that you feel a connection with ( but do be careful of changing just because they challenge you.... it's part of their job to challenge thinking and thought processes). I went to a gestalt therapist once and whilst she was good and I did learn some things, in the end it was just a bit too out there for me. I went for 4 sessions, so I did persevere. You will be able to change your thinking, but it might take some time, you've had a fair bit of practise at blaming yourself. But you can do it! By the way Ellen is a beautiful name for your precious darling daughter.