SusieQ - I am so soo sorry for the loss of your precious little girl. Grief is a hard journey and at times amazing journey that opens you up to things both good and not so good that you would never expect. Go gently. Hmm, for Amelia, I bled for about 6-8 weeks ( bled means heavy bleeding with clots through to light spotting) I think however that I got AF in that time as well? I felt like forever at the time. I can't actually remember for Sophie as I didn't make a note of it. After Amelia, my ob said we could try right away, but recommended we wait one cycle. I was happy to do that, but was very keen to get on the TCC wagon again. I hope what I say next doesn't upset you. As sad and heartbreaking as my experiences have been, I am so grateful that I got to birth my babies, alive, and that I held them as they died, surrounded completely in my love and grief. I feel so priveleged and empowered to have had those experiences. Not everyone feels the same way. I felt that way at the time and the time hat has elapsed since has only reinforced my feelings of pride and maternal bonding. I hope for you, in time, you are able to be at peace with your experiences. You angel is never far away and is always in your heart.

Gigi - oh blossom. I think I am just ok with being a pin cushion! Before and since my pregnancies I have had a lot of blood tests. I am seriously not phased, except when they can't find the vein, that does become a little anxiety provoking. It must be awful being so apprehensive about it. You'll get there. I am so proud of you for helping up with the nursery. Just getting in practise for your own, good thinking!. I find the best way to cope is just be in the moment doing what you are doing, rather than thinking about the possibilities of what could and should have been. For me, those thoughts always end in tears and make it so much harder to put one foot in front of the other, especially when doing something hard. It seems like you can compartmentalise your thoughts a bit too.

Cmegelles - I know what you feel about feeling more mature. Weird huh? Who would think grief could do that? And without doing medicine you can make a difference in the world, because you already have in mine. Maybe just more of a difference to more people by doing medicine?

Charli - wow an hour of bleeding? That just seems like your bod is teasing you. An hour? Clearly I can't even get my head around it. But it does help to get AF, for me it helped me think I was back in my groove. It's one step in the process.

Crumpet - I think you are very strong for not testing in April. But that does mean testing in May right?

AFM - still quite boyouant! Am doing a lot of quiet contemplation about my decision and lots of talks to DH. He's so sweet. He says he doesn't understand it all, and its such a tough decision to make, and he trusts me, that he will fully support whatever decision I make and adopt it as our decision. Wow. In a way its a bit like a burden, but mostly I am just so pleased that we are not on different pages with this.