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Thread: TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after the first trimester

  1. #37

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    Oh Deb, I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you and I hope that the increase in Clomid is just what you need. I understand that you need some time.

    Last edited by Lynn; March 29th, 2007 at 03:54 PM.

  2. #38

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    Hi girls,

    Deb - I am sorry to hear you got a BFN. Hopefully your OB can sort something so you can get that positive next month.

    Clare - I can't believe that they mixed your scans. How horrible that must have been for you. Good luck at next weeks scan. Obviously you will just be happy to find that bubs is healthy, but are you hoping for either sex in particular? That's great you have found a good GP that you can get lot's of reassurance from.

    Mel - Sorry about the BFN. BUT, it is still a little early isn't it?? Don't give up yet. I am sure I will get a BFN too. Getting the usual AF symptoms, bad skin etc. Oh well! I am not sure what you should do about the party. I would probably just go ahead and just RSVP and then see how you feel on the day. If you are like me, the way you feel can change just like that. I think that maybe that is a good idea to ease into it and do the smaller dinner first. Thats how i did it. % weeks after we lost Asha I was invited to a friends 30th and I just said to her that I would say yes for now but decide on the day. Then a couple of days before it i just got a couple of the girls to come over for a bit just to get it out of the way I guess. And that worked for me, I got all the uncomfortable bits out of the way first and than I was better able to relax a couple of days later at the party - well until an aquaintance came up and screeched "oh you've had it, what did you have?" in front of everyone. There was a deathly silence, poor bugger, she started bawling when someone pulled her aside and told her and she left early. I don;t think she's been the same since, lol. Who knows, maybe you will feel like having a drink and a night out. And, if it gets to the day and you don;t feel like going, well stuff what any one else thinks, don't go. You are entitled. Maybe when these friends get further into their pregnancy they will be able to look back and appreciate what you have been and are going through. Whatever you decide, just make sure you do what you want to do.

    Spring - Thanks for you messages last night, I read them but I didn't reply cos I was a bit blubbery, lol. I decided to grab my little would-be baby napper and go and snuggle in bed with him. Has MIL called again? Glad to hear you are not letting it get to you.

    Lynn - How are you doing today? I also found that somethings are getting harder. You are so right about the many 'firsts' I think not being pregnant adds to that feeling. It is just so frustrating isn't it? Are you getting some blood test's tommorrow? Hopefully there will be some egg activity for you.

    Hi to Nat, Klee and Chelle too!!

    3 more days of work till I am off on my holiday. I was just researching our hotel on the internet to make sure they have intenet there and hooray!! they do, so I will be able to stay in the loop to hear about everyones BFP's.

  3. #39

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    Flowerchild: You have every right to feel flat about your BFN. I am sorry babe, I am glad that your FS is trying other things to get that magical BFP. Take all the time you need but don't stay away too long, we will miss you too much:hugs:

    Mel: Hmm, that's a tough one. I agree with the girls, just see how you are feeling on the day. I totally know what you mean about people gushing over pregnant women / babies. Remember the wedding I went to in December, everyone was going crazy over my friends baby and pretended that nothing was different with me. It upset me so much and I remember being so angry. I don't know how far away their house is, but you could always say you will go for a drink, and if when you get there you are having a good time, you can stay. I agree with Clare, I would judge how it goes at the dinner before making a decision about the 30th.

    Lynn: Did you get to speak to the FS today? Good luck with your bloods tomorrow. I can't remember if you are having a scan also, but I really hope that you finally get some good news. Boy do you deserve it.

    Clare: So great to hear from you. I hope that your 'reassure the nutcase' scan goes well next week and that you find out if it is a spoldge or a splodgette (lol). I had one of those crazy women scans on Tuesday. I told my Ob that we needed to see eachother more often and he laughed and said, I am glad you missed me so much. I just missed that ultrasound machine. I even asked how much they cost but I don't have a spair 30K to blow.

    Klee: You are doing exactly what you need to do honey, just survive day by day. I remember in those early days I would forget that I would need to go to the toilet, then get a pain in my tummy and realised I hadn't done a wee all day. Your body sort of stops functioning but trust me, the cloud will slowly lift and you will have the courage to look for the light at the end of the tunnel again.

    Bailey: Whoo Hoo only 3 days left of work. That is sensational. I am very envious. (lol) about there being internet in the hotel.. I think it is great that you can keep up with the BB gang but we will understand if you are otherwise occupied

    Well, MIl hasn't tried to call yet thank god which is lucky for her because I am in a fould mood. I am off to Canberra for a conference tomorrow and should get maybe an hour with DH. I am just feeling really emotional today, just at the end of my teather. I am really worried that my work colleagues at the conference will speculate if I am pregnant. I got some new clothes that I think should hide any buldges. I am also peeved about my MIL and angry at our stupid tenants who are still causing grief. I know in the scheme of life it is all pretty un-important, but a girl deserves a whinge every now and then.

    Anyway sweeties, off to call DH and then I'll pop in before bed.

    Luv Spring

  4. #40

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    Lil Spring - You are 15 weeks today!! Not long now til we all get to meet you

  5. #41

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    Thanks for that Bailey, but it isn't until tomorrow - confusing huh. The new ticker I have is from an American site and it ticks over about half a day early.

    I should change it I know but it is so funky that I thought I would keep it a little longer. So 15 weeks in just over 3 hours.

    You are a sweetie. This bub is going to have so many awesome Aunties.

  6. #42

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    Dear Lynn (and ladies)

    I hope you don't mind me joining in this thread. I have been meaning to join these chat groups for a while but haven't got that involved really. Also, after reading your post it brings back memories for me - i have a sister just like yours and i think i know how you feel !!!

    First of all i am deeply sorry to hear about little Cooper and secondly i am sorry to hear you have an insensitive sister and thirdly you are no way a failure - you are a survivor and are a stronger and better person! (Ladies - i am sorry to hear about your little angels too - wish there weren't so many of us mums and dads in this situation)

    I hope you don't mind me telling you about "my little sister". I do love her but it has been "about her" for as long as i can remember. My father died 10 years ago now and he was a very strong man and would stir the shi* out of us girls (there are 3 of us and i am middle child - but i don't suffer from middle child syndrome LOL) to make us stronger. I think it worked for myself and my older sister but for my younger one i think she took advantage of the fact that dad was not there anymore. Even though she played up alot while he was around (doing the bad things that teenagers do) it seems she hasn't grown out of it and she is now 33. When i got married 3.5 years ago she said to my mum "it should have been me instead"...like WTF !!! I fell pregnant straight away and hey so did she (and she announced it very early). We were due at the same time but hers came first as she needed a CS. No problem i was happy for her and i believe she was happy for me. Then she fell again 3 months after having her first. Everyone said what is she doing !!! My friends would say - you know she is competing with you and wants to "beat you" and i was like - it is not a race and i don't care. Now i find her complaining every day now (having nervous breakdowns as she puts it - i don't think these are the real ones) about not being able to cope with two toddlers....

    Everything that you say to her gets turned around about her (just like your sister) and is usually negative as if you said something awful when in fact you were saying something acceptable/normal !!! I don't get it with my sister some times - i really have to watch what i say. Sometimes it is best not to say anything at all.

    The disappointing thing is that my mum feels for her as if she has all the problems in the world. I just think to myself..."well you know once you have lost a baby those problems (and other peoples minute problems) are nothing".

    When my baby died my sister never rang to see how myself or DH were doing (and still hasn't) - i do think she cannot cope with it being brought up and doesn't want to upset me but at the same time i think - you know you are bloody family and you can ask how we are doing! At my son's funeral she said to my mum "i can do whatever i want to Tommy's coffin" when mentioning she wanted to put roses over it. I went off ! Like hell she can do that without asking. I thought WW3 was going to break out and i tell you my fists were ready. I was so angry and disgusted and i was happy never to talk or see her again.

    We all know what our family members and friends are like but when a devastating event happens (like losing a baby) i think we truly find out what they are really like (even more). It is hard for your sister to contain her emotions about her pregnancy and yes sure she should think before she acts but some people just don't get it. When this happens to me i just stay clear when i can. Just a few weeks after we lost our baby a girlfriend rang me to say she was 6 weeks pregnant - with so much excitement. I was happy for her but at the same time saying to myself "yeh good on ya !"...i keep my conversations with her further apart so i don't have to "hear it" so often.

    As i have been told just stay away from those that offend and near to those who help. You have a terrific support group here - well really the best as everyone here has gone through the same situation and truly understand how you are feeling. Please stay positive for yourself and just focus on yourself and your mind/body - that is all that matters now doesn't it ?

    I hope you didn't mind me jumping in like this.

  7. #43

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    Tommysmum - thank you so much for your post. Please know that you are more than welcome to join this thread. You are so right - this is a terrific support group, they are wonderful women and I don't know what I would do without them.
    I am so sorry for the loss of your father and of your baby. I am also sorry that you have had to go through this without the support of your sister. Some of the things she has said and done to you is just so................hurtful and insensitive and I am sorry that you had to hear those things. You are right though, I do have to stay positive and remember what my dream is and never lose sight of that. Thank you again, and I hope to see you around here more often.

    Nat - thank you so much for today, I really needed it. You have so much knowledge and I am so glad that I have you around to share some of it and help me through this. I hope you had fun tonight. Talk soon

    Mel - how are you going babe? Have been thinking of you. Did you test today. I hope you got your BFP. My fingers and toes are crossed for you.

    Deb - how are you feeling? I have been thinking of you and I hope you are doing 'ok'.

    Spring - hope you had a good day today in Canberra. Did you get to see DH? How did the new clothes go?

    Bailey - how are you going? Any news on your bfp???? Not long now until your trip. I bet you can't wait! Can I come too??????

    Klee - I think of you often. Let us know how you are going. I know what it is like to always think that you will hear bad news but I hope that you get some good news on Monday. I will be thinking of you. I too got a skin infection not long after I had Cooper. They called it 'hormonal eczema'. My fingers were like they had been in water for a month. They were very hyper-sensitive and dry. The dr said it was to do with trauma and grief so whenever I got upset, it would make them worse. Every now and then I still get it. Big :hugs: to you and your family.

    Hi to everyone else

    I'll be back later to tell you all about my bt and u/s...........all I can say is

  8. #44

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    Hey Girls,

    Tommysmum - How are you? I was wondering when you were going to join us in here

    Lynn - How did your test's go? No good by the looks of your post. Are you ok? I want to test so much, but it's still too early, so I am resisting. I don't think it will happen this month though. Just a feeling, hope I am wrong, but seem to be getting the week-before-AF symptoms. My skin has just gone feral - I wish it was pg hormones doing it, but I don't think so.

    Lil Spring - Sorry, I jumped the gun, but Happy 15 weeks now! Tell your mum not to change that ticker, it's cute. I hope you are behavin' your little self.

    Mel - Did you resist the urge or did you test again??

    hi too to everyone else, I will come back in later to have a chat!

  9. #45

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    Tommys Mum: I am amazed that after the horrible things you have had to endure, you are still kind enough to offer your support and advice. You must me an absolutely wonderful soul. I am so sorry for the loss of you baby, my heart breaks for you and your family. It is weird sometimes how the people who are the closest to us, can sometimes cause the most harm. Please know that no matter what, we will all support you. You never have to fear being judged or in competition with us. Big love honey, you are a very brave woman

    Lynn: Oh babe, I don't know if I am jumping the gun for saying sorry about the results, but from the looks of your post it wasn't great news. If and when you want to chat about it, I am here for you hun. Take care.

    Bailey: Lil Spring said to say Ta Aunty B, we are the big 15 weeks today (well 15w 1d) if you look at my ticker. You are being very restrained not testing yet. When do you think you will give in? I have everything crossed for a BFP and I am sending you a huge big cloud of .

    Nat, Mel, Flowerchild, Chelle, Klee and all you other wonderful women, I hope you are all well. I have only just got home from Canberra so I am going to have some late dinner and then stalk BB for a while. Got to see DH for and hour or so which was nice but way too short. He is such a spunk that I just wanted to bundle him into the overhead locker and bring him home with me.

    Be back soon
    Lv Spring

  10. #46

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    Lol Spring - You would have problems storing DH in the overhead locker, there are new restrictions on what you can take onboard flights now, so he would have to fit in a clear 20cm x 20cm sandwich bag

  11. #47

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    Well as you will see my ticker is gone

    I had a bt and u/s this morning. The u/s showed that there are NO follicles Confused????? Yeah me too. I had a different lady to the one that did my u/s last Friday. The lady today said that there are no follicles there and that would be consistent with my bt results over the past few days, very low levels of hormones. I told her that I was confused because the lady that did my u/s last Friday gave me hope and told me that I had some good size follicles. She said that they were probably cysts. I was so mad!!! How can you get that so wrong????? Here I am with a little bit of hope that I will o this month because I am told that I have some really good follicles and then *bang* all hope is gone. I am having another bt on Monday and I have made an appointment with the FS for Tuesday so we can work out what is going on. I am going to get him to do another u/s and get his opinion. I am also going to tell him how disappointed I am at getting conflicting results. This process is hard enough without being given false hope. I have little hope now that this is going to happen this month but the nurse today said that it can still happen, it will just be late. They believe that my body is not responding to Clomid so I will discuss options with my FS on Tuesday.

    I am trying to remain positive but it is so hard

  12. #48

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    Lynn I am so sorry. I don't know what to say, but I am praying that the FS will be able to give you a clearer picture about what is going on. I know it must be so hard to stay positive with all of this but try not to get too down just yet, wait to talk to the FS.

  13. #49

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    WTF is the person who did your scan last Friday thinking???? Surely cysts and follies looke totally different!!!! You have every right to be angry/upset. I am so sorry that you have had to endure this. It just isn't fair babe.

    You know what, the only thing out of all of this that I am sure of is that you are an absolutely amazing, caring, compasionate, wonderful, kind, understanding, inspiring woman. I would give anything for a little bit of good news to come your way.

    If there is anything, and I mean anything that I can do, please just let me know.

    With :hugs: and more :hugs:

    Luv Spring

  14. #50

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    Hey Lynn, just a thought but there is a thread for PCOS here somewhere, maybe post in there and see if the girls there know anything about the u/s and what the cyst's look like compared to the folicles. They may be able to give you some advice.

  15. #51

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    Spring - thank you so much for your kind words. I guess a bit of DH is rubbing off on me. He always says don't worry about things you can't change. I can't change what this woman said to me last week, I CAN be angry about it and I CAN get answers as to what is going on. I need to find the positives, otherwise it will destroy me. The only thing that hurts is that I had hope for a week and it was false hope. But then again it gave me something to believe in for a while. I had a bit of a breakdown this morning and my m&d came over and my beautiful mum cried with me in frustration but my dad (god love him!) always thinks positive and drilled it into me that there is always a chance and if it isn't this month, then it will be next month because they will sort out what is going on and help. I guess I just have to believe that. I need to believe in something positive otherwise it will just eat away at me.

    Bailey - thanks for letting me know about the thread. I do go in and read it sometimes as well as the TTC on Clomid thread. I spent the day with Dr Nat today so she was able to help me. I guess I just need to wait until Tuesday and speak to FS and get his opinion and work out where to go from here..................surely forward for a change! These hurdles are getting higher and harder, arent they?

  16. #52

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    Lynn the hurdles are getting higher and harder, but if anyone can jump them, it is you.

    I agree that if it is at all possible you should try your hardest to stay positive, but it doesn't change the fact that you are allowed to feel all the other emotions such as anger and dispair. I can understand how your DH feels, I think he is just trying to make it better like most men do.

    Your M&D are wonderful parents. I am so glad that you have them for support.

    Luv Spring

  17. #53

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    Lynn - I am so sorry you are going through this What a stupid woman! Spring is right, surely they can tell the difference between a follicle and a cyst! It must be so hard for you, if only they had have told you all the way through that nothing was happening - it would have still been hard to deal with but at least you werent expecting something that wasnt happening. I really hope your FS can tell you what you can do from here. Do you know if maybe he just needs to up your dose of clomid or something? Sorry probably a stupid question...

    Take care of yourself and let me know if you need anything :hugs:

    Love Mel

  18. #54

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    Hey Lynn and Bailey

    Just wanted to say nighty ni from me. Time to hit the sack

    Talk tomorrow.

    luv Spring

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