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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the 1st Trimester March 2007

  1. #37

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    Hey, couldnt find that website you are talking about but check out the site "nathanfoley.biz" .... did you realise he had his own record? Too funny! Strangely enough there is no mention of Hi5, mind you would you mention it?


  2. #38

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    Oh yeah and he has his own My Space page too LOL

  3. #39

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    Hey girls

    WARNING: This is a long vent about my MIL so if you really don't feel like reading it, I totally understand. Just needed to get it off my chest.

    Well I am going to have another vent because I am just really upset at the moment. When DH got home last night we were both tired and angry about the tenant, but I really wanted to talk about his mother, in retrospect, the worst possible timing.

    DH has stood firm on this one, usually he really doesn't care either way but he said despite how much his mother annoys us, she is his mother and if we are telling my parents, then it is only fair to tell his. Well for starters this is not about what is FAIR!!!!! What is FAIR is that I would have Harrison with me. Anyway, I said some things about his mum that I probably shouldn't have although he did agree with me. But he said, one in all in. I just go so upset, if possible I now resent his mother more.

    Anyway, three things annoy me the most 1. as soon as she knows I am pregnant you watch, she will kick into over drive with the best MIL in the world routine. Not to mention that she hasn't spoken to me since before Christmas and she was so disrespectful of our wishes at the funeral!!!!!!!!!! 2. I know that she will not respect our wishes yet again and tell other family memebers that I am pregnant. 3. I can put money on the fact that she will come up with some stupid, insulting or upsetting comment that will upset DH.

    DH is so serious about this being her last chance to respect our wishes that he said he would disown her if she told people before I am ready. He said he will make it abundantly clear to her that it is not her place to tell. The thing is, I know in my heart that she will blab, I am 99% sure, so why is DH just setting himself up for disappointment? So anyway I ended up in a huge mess of tears and DH ended up with a headache, yet another thing his stupid mother has ruined.

    I know I am going on and on but this is my only real outlett so sorry for being selfish. Anyway, I have been thinking and I know that I have to respect the fact that she is his mother so this is the compromise I have come up with. He can tell her that I am pregnant, I don't even want to be in the same room when he does, but at the same time he can tell her not to bother trying to contact me now because I am very dissapointed and upset at her absolute lack of support during the time since her Grandson passed away. I know in some ways I am getting him to do my dirty work, but I just can't even bring myself to talk to her and I know that if I do, it will make me say something that may cause more damage.

    Don't get me wrong, I know how much you girls would love to have this problem, and I dont want you to think that I am forgetting just how hard the TTC journey is, it is just that I need some advice. I just feel so angry, upset and peeved off.

    Oh well, that is my vent.

    Luv Spring

  4. #40

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    Bailey & Mel - you girls are too funny!

    Spring - I'm sorry that you have this decision to make and that it is causing probs between you and DH. It is supposed to be the happiest time but it is also hard given what has happened to you guys. When it comes to MIL it is a tough decision especially because what your MIL has done to you over the past few months. I agree that none of this is fair. I hope that you and DH can work out what to do and I hope by now you have told your family the great news. How did it go? I bet they are just so happy for you.

    Well I have had my fair share of MIL issues too. I was really upset the other night and she happened to call right in the middle of it. DH was out at soccer and I was just having a really good cry with my puppies. She came over which I thought would be good seeing as though my mum is not here right now. I can't believe how different she is to my mum and how differently she responds. Anyway I won't get into too much but she just doesn't say the right things. She told me that there are other people suffering in the world WTF!!!!!!!!! I bet they aren't worried about me right now. I just don't find her supportive and it feels like she has no idea of what I am going through. I know you can't imagine it but she just doesn't get it!!! Anyway I had a phone call from a shrink yesterday. My MIL took it upon herself to discuss ME and Cooper with a shrink and asked them to call me - I couldn't believe it! She said to me I think we need to have a talk. NO WE DON'T!!!! I just told the lady (politely) that I didn't walk to talk to her because I have already spoken with a counsellor and I don't feel like I can get anymore out of it and that I find it helps talking with people who KNOW what I am feeling and KNOW what I am going through. I told my MIL this so I can't believe that she went and got a shrink for me! She must think I am a complete nutcase and need help or something. Anyway that is enough of me whinging about my MIL......

    Onto the other news - I had my BT this morning and they called with my results and said that it doens't look like there is much going on at the moment so I will go back on Wednesday to have another BT to see what is going on then - hopefully a bit more than what is happening now. I also went to acupuncture this morning. I thought hey it can't hurt so why not. Hopefully this can also help bring O a bit sooner.

    Hope everyone is having a good weekend - its a bit quiet in here so you must be.

    luv & hugs
    Lynn

  5. #41

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    Hi everyone,
    awww big hugs to Lynne and Spring. It is really really difficult negotiating in law relationships sometimes. I truly understand your hurt Spring and Lynne.

    Lynne it sounds like your MIL has some boundary issues there. It was really not okay to contact a health professional on your behalf - and I am really surprised that they took the bullet and contacted you. Maybe your MIL just doesn't know how to help and maybe she is a "doer"and that is why she did what she did. It still wasn't the right thing but maybe that's why? Some folk find it really really tough just to sit with someone else's pain - it is so very common a complaint amongst grieving people. Outsiders feel "it's time they moved on". Often this is born from their discomfort with sadness, grief and death. I know this doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Perhaps next time she offers her unwanted advice you have a pre arranged "statement" you can give her. I know I did this with people who would continually offer unhelpful advice. Something along the lines of " the grief I feel at the loss of Cooper will always be there MIL - somedays are great and others are unbearable. This is a process and one that I will move through in my own time, with my chosen support. I would really appreciate if you would respect this..." Perhaps you could phone Bonnie Babes or Sids for kids and ask for some brochures to be sent to you about grief and grieving. You could give them to your MIL so maybe she will understand a little more... I am sorry Lynne. I wish I could give you a big hug in person so know I would if I could. Keep leaning on those who understand.


    Spring, This is a big dilemma. One I empathise with. I will tell you a little of some of my story in the hope that it will help you. When our first angel died my MIL told me it was obviously a sign that Ihad had enough children. I was shocked and just couldn't believe her comment when she understood just how much I wanted another child. It really hurt me and that comment often springs to memory and makes me feel sad. My MIL is a bit of a piece of work and due to her comments we haven't told them of our other two baby Angels - I knew that I would hear comments that were not helpful and would serve to hurt me. To protect myself from that we made the decision to keep our babies to ourselves. Of course as you know they died without ever being known to their grandparents... Due to other reasons between my dh and his parents he has not heard from his parents for some time. However, next pregnancy we will not share the baby until it's born - easier for us because DH parents live in country victoria!

    I understand why your DH wants to share the news with both sets of parents (we didnt' with subsequent pregnancies we only told my side - simply due to the hurtful nature of my MIL therefore we protected ourselves from comment...). However, maybe you need to talk a little more about this Spring. Perhaps put on hold telling anyone until you feel a sense of resolution about this? It does sound like you have a lot of concerns about her respecting your need for keeping Lil Spring a family secret for the time being. It also sounds like you are concerned about her making inappropriate comments. That is something that has the potential to cause problems for you and your sense of wellbeing.

    I am thinking of you Spring and I am hoping that you and DH can come to a place of unity on this one. Just know that it is a really tough one. Lots of love and hugs...


    Me, well the Baby Dance Fest has begun and I have very strong ovulatory pains (ON BOTH SIDES!!!! ) today. So I am imagining ovulation will occur tonight or early tomorrow. I pray that we catch those eggs this month - all of us. We deserve it!


    Hi to Bailey and Mel - you girls can chat!!!! I hope you both have a beautiful weekend.

  6. #42

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    Thank you so much Deb. Your words are so wise. I think I believe that she only did it because she thought she was helping. Otherwise I don't think I could forgive her. I guess I don't know what it is like to be on the other side of pain. I don't know what it is like to watch someone in pain and not know how to help them. Your words are perfect and I think next time we have a 'chat' I will use them and hopefully she will understand a bit better. I guess the hardest part or how it made me feel was that I was put in the too hard basket or she didn't know how to deal with my issues so passed me onto someone else.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL. Some people just don't think before they speak do they. Every woman is entitled to as many children as they want and it is no-ones decision except for ours. When I read what she had said to you, I was in complete shock and just felt for you at the time and how that would have made you feel. You deserve as many children as you want.

    I hate it when people (doctors, MIL) say that I am still young. Sometimes it makes me feel like they are saying don't worry about Cooper, you will have another one, you have plenty of time. They don't know how I am feeling. Age is one thing, but feeling (emotional and physically) is another. I know that 29 is not 'old' to start a family. But when I started this journey at 26, 3 years ago, it feels like eternity and I do feel old. I am not saying that 29 is old, I am saying that I feel old. People just don't seem to understand the way I feel. It is in my mind that I should have 2 babies by now. That is what was planned - 26 and 28. If I have learnt one thing on this journey it is that life is not how we plan it.

    Sorry for rambling..................

    I hope you got that eggie Deb. Or you get it tonight or tomorrow. Sending you heaps and heaps and heaps and heaps of

  7. #43

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    Hi everyone,

    Spring - How did it all go? I am sorry you ahve to go through all that [email protected] with MIL. I can understand why your DH wants to tell her, but I even more understand why you don't want him too. It just sucks that you should be enjoying this time (well as much as us lot ever could) and instead you are having to stress about this. If you do have to tell her, please try not to let her thoughts/comments or her potential to spill the beans worry you. At least you are interstate and you physically don't have to deal with it. Outta sight outta mind - make it your new mantra!! I hope what ever you guys decide, you are ok with it. How did your family react??

    Lynn - OMG, how's your MIL's form?? More front than Dolly Parton is what my mum would say to that. but seriously, what Flowerchild said makes sense to me, that she may just not know what else to do, so this makes her feel like she's 'helping' in saome way. Try not to let it get you down too much, you just don't need it. Sorry to hear about your not so good BT's, hopefully wednesdays will be better.

    Flowerchild - Woo Hoo on your egg's! Hopefully they are on their way!

    Mel - I am going to go and find Nathan's my space sight and drool over him. Lol, how gross is he? Hopefully I can buy his record from his site for you. Sorry, that wasn't funny. I will go and have a perve now!

  8. #44

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    Flowerchild: How did you ever get so wise. Thank you so much for your kind and insightful words. I really thought about what you had to say and coming from someone who has had to endure some terrible treatment from their MIL, I am so grateful for you sharing.

    Lynn: WOW, back off MIL, that is just not on. What sort of professional would just call you out of the blue? Doesn't sound like they know what they are doing. I know that you MIL was just trying to help but I agree with Flowerchild, there are some boundary issues there. Big hugs hun, another thing in common, screwed MIL

    Bailey: "More front than Dolly Parton" I love it, can I use that one. Thanks also for the advice. I agree with the outta sight outta mind thing, although I wished I was in Melbourne more so that I could see Mel, I am glad that there is still a State between MIL and me.

    Mel: How is the weekend with the Kids going? I hope that are behaving and being as cute as they usually are. Thanks for your advice about MIL. You are such a gem and I couldn't do without you.

    Well we did it, the calls have been made and I'm exhausted. Talked to Mum and Dad first and Mum was crying (with happiness) before I even finished my sentence. Mum and Dad are wonderful, very supportive and offer such encouragment. Spoke to my Best Friend and Big sister and after they stoped crying (I must have that effect) they were both so excited and amazed that I had kept it quiet this long.

    DH called his Mother and father separately (they are divorced) and I just didn't listen. Apparently she didn't say anything stupid and didn't ask to speak to me. I ummed and arhhed over telling her for the last week and I think that it was more important to me that DH got to tell his parents then to worry about the crap that comes out of her mouth. He said something very insightful to me, he said 'I don't like my mother but I love my mother so it is very important to me that she is told'. I couldn't really argue with that could I. So whats done is done, I am out and proud (lol)

    Anyway, we are going to relax for a while and I'll pop in later on.

    Big love
    Spring

  9. #45

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    Lynn I would say she did put you in the too hard basket my love - not because she doesn't care but because she hasn't got the skills to help... It is a special ability to sit with someone else when they are in pain - not everyone has that ability unfortunately...

    Don't be too despondent at your bloods. CD9 today and if you ar a late ovulator it doesn't surprise me that your "girls" are a bit quiet. On Wednesday you will know a little more my love. I am hoping this is the month for you Lynn

    Thanks for congratulating my gorgeous eggs Bailey!!!!! I feel pretty woo hoo too!!!
    I am very very uncomfortable though so hopefully that means good things are happening in ovary land!!!! (she says a little for twins!!!! )

    We are going out to dinner tonight so I need to go and begin the bathing process!!!!

  10. #46

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    Well done Spring - your DH sounds like a very nice man. Congratulations on "coming out". Now, you just sit back and gestate okay???? Big hugs - what a huge day it's been...

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    Sorry Flowerchild I forgot to do the happy dance about your positive OPK. I would be so happy if you graduated with Twins.

    Luv Spring

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    OMG I have so much to catch up on, just wanted to let you know family and Me doing OK thanks very much to all the wonderful support from you super women.

    DEB Go get them, those eggies there! Lots of good stuff im sending your way!

    Im goin to try and catch up on post and all thats been happening in here but if I dnt get back tonight I will tomorrow night. We just got back from Bowral and I drove home......to say the least a little stuffed, both from eating and driving

    So sweet dreams to you all I hope your all well (im sure i will find out soon)

    Lots of love and +++++vibes to you all Natxxx

  13. #49

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    Hey Nat,
    Glad to hear you guys are doing ok.

  14. #50

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    Hi everyone,

    Spring - What a day you have had... I am glad you finally got it sorted and now you have "come out" to everyone. I can imagine how excited your family is. The MIL situation was a tricky one, but I agree you cant really argue with his point huh, as much as you wish she would fall off the face of the earth. How is your belly going anyway? Do you think you will be able to hide it from work much longer?

    Lynn - Sorry about your BT, but hopefully Wednesday will be a totally different story. We have already spoken about your MIL, but everyone is right she did cross some boundaries there. Hope your accupuncture went ok, some people say it hurts but I personally didnt think it did when I had it.

    Deb - Your MIL sounds delightful! Lynn is right, you and anyone else is entitled to have as many or as few children as they like. She is not the one taking care of them or supporting them so what is it to her? DH has 3 to his ex wife and we would like a couple together, and then if you include Nicholas he will eventually be a father of 6! Some may say that is alot but we dont care, each to their own I say. How can anyone think anything negative of a new little bubba in the world?

    Nat - Glad to hear your family is doing ok Its probably been a rough week (or 2 or 3) so no wonder your stuffed.

    Bailey - Hope you enjoyed Nathan's site... It is so wrong that his record didnt reach #1

    Not much happening on my end, kids are being really good this weekend and so far I have done a really good job being patient with them so I am quite proud of myself. We got them into bed early tonight cause we have a big day tomorrow. Its my dads birthday so we are going to meet up with my family at Fairy Park near Geelong so they are pretty excited.

    Well today is meant to be "O" day and I happened to find 1 OPK left even though I though I had used all and I got a positive (YAY! If only it was a HPT) so... please please please - I dont know what I will do if it doesnt work this month!

    On a different note, I saw my GP today for a different thing but he got onto the subject of TTC and asked where we were at so I said well today is CD14 and he started to give me all this advice on the best "positions" and how I need to make sure I stay laying down afterwards... LOL I nearly died, I felt so embarrassed. I know he meant well, but I just felt weird getting sex advice from my GP. Its not like I asked him or anything... and besides I have done all that research online already, hehe!

    Anyway, wish us luck - to all either at or coming up to "O" time.

    Love Mel

  15. #51

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    Nat - I'm glad to hear that you and your family are doing ok. We do talk alot don't we!!! There is a bit to catch up on............

    Mel - Woohoo on the positive opk - get busy girl! This is your month, think positively and it will happen. NO negative thoughts. Don't even think about what you will do next month because this is your month. Next month, you will have sore boobs, m/s and all the other wonderful things that come with being pregnant! Sending you heaps and heaps of

    Deb - I hope you caught those eggs. I am hoping that this is my month too. Like Mel, I don't know what I will do if it isn't, but I am staying positive. Hopefully on Wednesday there will be better results.

    Spring - it must be good to have finally told your family. I hope for you MIL sake that she respects you guys.

    Bailey -

  16. #52

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    Mel: LMAO about the GP giving you position tips!!! I am glad he is trying to help but I can imagine 'how embarassment' that must been. I agree with the lying down for as long as you can. I did that the cycle I fell pregnant. It just gives the little fellas a bit of a head start. I am also glad that you got a positive OPK. That is fantastic. I hope you have a wonderful day with your family today and I really hope your Dad has a wonderful Birthday. Happy Birthday Mr. Mel

    Flowerchild: Good to see you are not around working on those twins I hope. But don't stay away too long, we will miss you too much.

    To the rest of you mob, see you at 12.00pm. I wish we were all going.

    Big love
    Spring

  17. #53

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    Lynn, I must have just missed you. I forgot to mention how sorry I am about your BT results yesterday. I remember you saying that they were going to do scans also to check out how those follies are going. Is that still the case? I hope more than anything that you BT on Wed is shows that O is on the way. Sending you all the vibes I can muster.

    See you soon.

    Luv Spring

  18. #54

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    Firstly Mel on a positive OPK!!!!!! It is helpful to stay prone for as long as possible to give those swimmers the best chance of getting promptly to their destination! Some women just prop up their buttocks a bit - you can use a pillow or even just your fists under your hips for 10 -15mins. It helps to get the "goodstuff" up on your cervix. Keep DTD for the next couple of nights. Most women will ovulate between 12-24 hours after they surge however sometimes it can be up to 48 hours after. I am hoping and praying that this is your month too Mel... Wouldn't it be lovely if we both hit the mark this month and could journey the pregnancy trail together. I hope you have a lovely time today for your Dad's birthday.

    Bailey - is it nearing o time for you too???

    Lynn - I am hoping that this is your month too - wouldn't it be lovely to see 4 in here in the next few weeks? Are you having a follie scan on Wednesday (that would be cd13 wouldn't it?)? I am sending all of the "ripe follicle" and "healthy eggs meeting healthy sperm" vibes that I can muster...

    Spring, Hi to you and Lil Spring. As I type away here all of you Sydney girls will be meeting for lunch - I hope you all have a lovely time...

    Well, yesterday I had soooo much pelvic congestion with lots of ovulatory type pains on both the left and right sides. I felt incredibly uncomfortable. Today I have none of that so I am assuming ovulation occured last night. Of course we have been getting jiggy with it so all we can do now is hope and pray that we caught those eggs!!!! We are spending the day in the garden - next weekend is my Evie's 3rd birthday so we are sprucing things up a bit! It's beautiful weather here and I must get back to it...

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