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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/ Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the First Trimester

  1. #73

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    Welcome to Kristee and Hindonly, I am also new hear and the ladies have made me feel very welcome! Sorry you find yourself in a position that you need to be here, but also glad you are here to share the roller coaster rides we are all on. I hope your stay here is as short as possible.

    Not much news from here at the moment, but just wanted to say hi.

    Lol
    Sarah


  2. #74

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    Wow you guys have been chatting today so here goes, lets see if I can remember everything.

    Lynn: I think sometimes when we feel overwhelmed, we remove ourselves from the situation (not physically but emotionally) so I am not surprised that you felt a bit out of it at your appointment today. I can't blame you, you had a lot to take in. Good luck with the first jab on Saturday, I am sure that you will be fine, you are a brave brave woman. Oh and you are under strict instructions to have a WONDERFUL holiday, that is not negotioable, make sure you give yourself a bit of a break and spoil yourself a little. I will miss you so make sure you post as soon as you get back on Wednesday.

    Mel: Sounds like you have a Melbournian buddy in Klee, that is great if you can support eachother at the Sids meetings. I know what you mean about public hospital staff being overworked and underpaid but it is just so sad that people who are really in need care can't afford to be treated now and have to wait around. Oh and smarty pants, you are so sure that Lil Spring has a willy but I know you and I am not going to be tripped up you naughty thing. Don't worry, almost half way to finding out...nice try though.

    Kristee: sounds like you are getting the tests that you need. I hope you got good results this arvo. When you get a chance pop in and let us know how you are going.

    Klee: You probably won't see this until you are back at work on Tuesday but when to start TTC question is one that comes up often. I had a pretty straightforward vaginal birth ( well in the circumstances anyway) with no tearing, cuts or grazes so DH and I started TTC as soon as my bleeding stopped which was about 4 weeks. To be honest, I don't know how we started so soon but I think the urge to have an earth baby just takes over. So for us it was fairly quick. Everyone is totally different and it takes different amounts of time for your body and cycles to go back to normal. I got AF 6 weeks to the day after losing Harry then had two cycles and fell on the third. If you are having mixed emotions about TTC that is totally normal, I cried so many times because I felt I was dishonering Harry. But that isn't the case, he knows I love him and that he will always bee my first born. Good luck with the decision.

    Hindonly: I hope you and your DD had a great day at Crazy Critters, I can't wait to be a mum of an earth baby and do those sort of things. I am glad that you are feeling welcome, we are all here for you so share as little or as much as you feel you want to.

    Deb: How are you feeling today? It might be a stupid question but do you continue taking Clomid during the TWW or do you stop after O? I hope that you are feel happy and that the TWW is just flying by.

    Well I am looking so forward to this weekend. DH is coming home and it is his B'day on Sunday. I just did the shopping for the weekend and got goodies. We are going out to dinner and a movie on Saturday night and I am making Bacon, Eggs and Hashbrowns for Breaky on Sunday (his favourties) I am also making a double layered chocolate cake with freash whipped cream and Flake chocolate bar sprinkled all over it. Trust me, it is going to be a fat weekend in this house. I just love him so much so I can't wait to spoil him.

    Then I have my 19 week scan next Tuesday which is going to have sensational results (see positive thinking) and then I drive to Canberra for Anzac day, I am staying there for two nights and driving back on Thursday so I only have to work two days next week YIPPIE!!! I really feel like I need the break. I can't wait.

    Anyway, I haven't even thought about dinner yet so I think it will be an orange and a peanut butter sanger. Just what every pregnant woman needs (not)

    To everyone I have missed, sending you huge huggles.

    Take care
    Luv Spring

  3. #75

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    Hey there everyone - I so hate working, I miss out on so much here during the day!

    Klee - Wow I didnt realise you were from Melbourne - It would be nice to meet up at the meeting. I dont know why I am nervous, I just am. How have you found the counselling they provide over the phone and the 1 on 1's? I havent had any counselling since I had Nicholas, I did have 2 visits with a psych but they werent helpful (felt like she watched the clock the whole time and billed me $265 for it). I think it will be really helpful to go to these meetings, and to know that you would be there would make is so much easier. Re TCC - Lynn is right, it is such a personal decision and I believe you will know when the time is right for you and your hubbie. You may say no today and wake up tomorrow and think yes, but also you may not wake up for a while saying yes. Personally for me it was immediate, I started TTC as soon as I could (as Lynn said, as soon as bleeding stopped). But then, I am still not pregnant and it has felt like an extremely long journey so far. Maybe sit down and have a long think, and talk with DH, about what you want and how you feel right now and what your heart tells you. Whatever you decide, the time will be right for you if and when you start. If you need time to "heal" a little you should take that time. For me the healing can begin once I have a healthy baby in my arms, however I know others feel they need to take that time to sort through their feelings. The drs I found have differing opinions, some say wait 12 months, others say try straight away. One thing I would like to say to you is that dont let the thoughts enter your head that you are being disloyal to Phoebe if you do want to start sooner rather than later - I only say that because I know each and every one of us here have had those thoughts and I imagine you will as well. All Phoebe would want for you and her daddy is for you to do what you need to do to make you happy, if that happens to be having another baby then that is what she would want. You will never replace her, you will be having your 2nd child - Phoebe will always be your first born

    Lynn - Cant believe you are going tomorrow, I will miss reading your posts BUT... I hope you have a really lovely time. As Klee said, take some time for you and have some fun if you can, you deserve it. Hope to speak to you on MSN tonight but if not - travel safely and dont even think about us while your away Oh, and you will be back well and truly before I would get any good news. AF is not due til the Monday after you get back. Good luck with all of your injections, I know it will be tough but you are a tough cookie and will get through it cause you know the outcome - we ALL (incl. Deb) get BFP's in the next few weeks - how awesome would that be!

    Deb - We do have irrational thoughts though, like the other week when a lady at work left on maternity leave I thought to myself hmmm dont count your chickens before they're hatched - admittedly it was partly sour grapes but I really do believe you just never know what is waiting around the corner now. I know it is too early for symptoms but I constantly have this feeling that last couple of months that it is going to be a very long road for me - I really hope I am wrong but only time will tell.

    Kristee - How were your results? Its well and truly past 4.30 now so spill...

    Hindonly - I know what you mean by being ready now, I have had that feeling ever since I was pregnant with Nicholas and I found out 26 Jan last year so its 15 months and counting now... I had a baby, but dont have one iykwim. I hope you get a BFP soon too, I hope we all do!

    Spring - Hope they havent worked you too hard today, lil Spring will get really mad at them!

    Tommysmum - Hope your doing ok, how are you feeling? Still got m/s? Hope it hasnt gotten any worse.

    Hi to everyone else.

    Other than my personals I dont have much to say tonight. I made an appointment to have all my hair chopped off (well about 5 inches or so anyway) cause I am sick of being "me" - I need a change!

    Love Mel

  4. #76

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    Hey Spring - missed your post (again LOL)...

    Cant blame a girl for trying right?

    Your weekend sounds wonderful - you wouldnt mind sending me down a slice of that cake would ya? YUUUUUUUUM! Do you know what movie you are going to see? There are a few good ones coming out in the near future - Absolutely cannot wait for the Simpsons Movie (see big kid I tell ya).

    Peanut butter sandwiches are ok - especially combined with fruit! So enjoy

  5. #77

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    Sorry Sarah - just realised I missed you post too - I am so hopeless

    Hope you are doing well

  6. #78

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    Lynn: Big big hugs for you and have a beautiful holiday! Those injections will be fine - I wish I was close (if you were coming to the Sunshine Coast instead of Gold Coast I could have helped! ) It will be yucky the first few times but it's all over in a flash. I know it's not pleasant or optimal but it is going to help bring an Earth Baby into your life. Take good care and I hope when you get back there is news of more BfP's in here! Enjoy the Gold Coast!

    Spring: The weekend sounds lovely and the break in Canberra too. I am glad you are getting away. That 19 week scan is going to be SENSATIONAL!!!!! Clomid is taken for only 5 days of your cycle prior to ovulation cd2-cd6 or cd 3 to cd 7 this month I took it cd5 - cd9. The affects of the clomid last for about 2 weeks after the last doseage though and sometimes a bit longer! I am still having flushes now and then... !!!

    Sarah: Good to see you pop in again my love... :hugs:

    Mel: I hope that you are wrong too... Positive thoughts okay! If we don't get a bfp this month it's just around the corner.

    Well I had a busy day yesterday. I had my hair cut and coloured yesterday afternoon with 3 kids in tow arggghhhh it wasn't a relaxing experience but my hairdresser is a darling so it's always fine. The kids got their hair done too. (cut not coloured ) Then last night a girlfriend and I went to a wine and cheese night at a gorgeous homewares shop here in town. I spent toooo much! But that's okay - we had a lovely time!
    Today is busy too with a meeting for me this morning then I am taking the kids to the Plaza at the coast for lunch and a browse (they love the big shopping centre beingfrom the country!). So I will pop back this afternoon. Have a lovely day everyone!

  7. #79
    *Kristee* Guest

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    Hi girls,
    KLEE it is a great name isn't it, although i get sick of having to tell everyone how it is spelt!! By the way how do you spell yours?
    SPRING that sounds like a totally delicious cake would you mind sending some this way?? Sounds like your DH is going to be totally spoilt!! It all sounds so lovely what you have planned, let us all know how it goes.
    Your 19wk scan is going to be absolutely perfect!!!!
    Yah on the only having to work two days next week. Sounds like you are going to be very busy, just make sure you have fun!!! It sounds great.

    Well all my BT results came back fine so i am can start ttc as soon as i feel ready!
    Well i have been doing some serious thinking today. This cycle i am just going to take it as it comes, and towards my FS appointment i think i am going to be ready to actively ttc again. I have decided if i put it off i am not going to get what i want soon, having saying that i will not actively ttc unless emotionally i can take it. DH is ready to start ttc right away. We have had a blue over that! I said that it was alright for him as it wasn't his body that has just been through a lot....doesn't he even want to grieve?? Obviously a baby doesn't mean much to him until it is born alive. I just found that so hurtful that he didn't even ask me whether i thought i could, he just expected me to be ready straight away.

    Other than that there is nothing exciting happening here.
    LOL

    Take care everyone
    and big hugs to all.

  8. #80

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    Good Evening Everyone,
    This is a flying visit. I have had a big day and one little 6 year old is now the proud owner of new footy boots!
    I have friends coming for lunch tomorrow so I am cooking (I am crazy it's my bed time!) now as I have been out all day.
    I will pop back tomorrow evening...

    Kristee: Great to hear your results are all normal - it's wonderful that your FBC is normal after the large blood loss you described. You must be eating well and resting up to have such a great result. Good on you!

    I have a friend in the field in Wagga who I was speaking to today. She mentioned that the obs you are going to see isn't a FS but just an obstetrician. It might be worthwhile if you feel you need to see a FS that you contact either Trixie Rasmusen or Scott Giltrap - they visit Wagga from Albury and they both are fertility specialists. While obstetrician/gynaes can do basic fertility work it's worthwhile if you feel fertility is a problem to see a specialist in the area. I hope that helps.

  9. #81

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    Hi ladies

    Been MIA for a few days - very busy bee. DH had a bit of a melt down on Thurs night. Went out on the drink with a good mate over from Perth that he hasn't seen in 6 months. After several beers his emotions just spilled everywhere. When he got home i could see that he had been crying and he was in a bad/sad mood. He just said that it all hit home that we lost our son (plus he lost his dad in the same year and they were both named Thomas). I am glad that he got it all out (for now anyway) - he hasn't really talked about it with many people.

    Lynn - it was nice to meet you the other day and i hope you have a wonderful time away. Even though AF came at least now you know where to start from and you are not waiting waiting waiting. Fingers crossed that it all goes to plan.

    Kristee - welcome. Sorry to hear about your angel babies and sorry to hear about how your DH responds. Do you talk to him about it and express your feelings ? It sounds like he doesn't understand how you have felt with your babies. I hope that you sort it out soon and that you are both on the same path to ttc again.

    Spring - very exciting for your 19 week scan - can't believe you are almost at the half way mark then it is counting down the days !!!

    Bailey - when are you logging in ? I think you are home now (must be tired - did you do the overnight flight and how did DS go with it ???)

    Mel - wow you wanted a change - i think it is always a good idea. I was thinking of dying my hair more to my natural colour (whatever that is) - i am sure it is all dark under there but i top it up with blonde/brown foils...but it is too light for me at the moment - plus i get the "blonde" comments from DH - what a nice man. M/S is still here (comes and goes) but very tired, exhausted and always when it is housework time...wonder why that is ???

    Flowerchild - another one doing their hair - i think it is time for me to do mine. I have a bad regrowth but don't notice it as i wear my hair up. Have a wedding on next weekend and will put the hair down - not going to be a good look ! Hope you are feeling well and i hope you have some positive news soon.

    Hello to Hindonly, Sarah, Klee and to all the other wonderful ladies out there. Big hugs from me.

  10. #82
    Heybacko Guest

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    Blimey, I have had one heck of a time trying to keep up with this thread lately but I have been up since 5 this morning watching the cricket - all you Aussies do know that us Kiwis let you win and we are just saving ourselves to thrash you in the final now don't you?????

    Lynn - by the time you get this, you;ll be back so I hope you had a most wonderful time away. xxx

    Kristee - men! Can't live without them can we but boy, do they have design flaws!!

    Spring - half way there, oh wow. Come on, you can tell me, no-one is listening, just whisper - is Lil Spring a Springette????

    Deb - am taking Spatone in OJ to top up the iron prescribed, have drawn the line at Spinach sandwiches. Can I tap your info - have you heard any link between Group B Strep and mid-trimester miscarriage - I tested positive after Joe (last baby) was born and it put him into SCBU for a month with pneumonia - I know I will haver to have IV AB's next time, either when waters go or contractions start. Just a thought... I can't find anything definitive on google!

    Well, am still bleeding 18 days after D&C but GP says my haem is still low on BT and it may be due to this. It;s not staining a pad, just there when I wipe although I did have more loss yesterday and today it has gone!! Naughty, teasing AF!! (Old witch!!)

    And as for hair - brace yourselves!! I hacked off 6 inches off the bottom of my hair yesterday (before I had read the hair part of this thread!!) because I have been so frustrated with it - gone from bra strap to above shoulder - am splurging at the hairdressers this week!!!

    Much hugs to anyone I have missed, my DH is working today so I have the bathrooms, the ironing and the school uniforms to locate!!

    Alex
    xxx

  11. #83

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    Alex

    Just read your line about Strep B - i tested positive (can't remember when they test) with both DD and DS and when DD was born i think they gave me an injection (from memory). I now of a case where a lady lost her baby around 25 week mark with Strep B infection. She was not tested during her pregnancy (was it too early not sure) but the baby died consequently. Don't know if this is of any use but just thought i would post just the same.

  12. #84
    Heybacko Guest

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    Thanks for this Tommysmum

    I didn't have it with Tom (last but one) but tested positive a few hours before I had Joe, wasn't given anything myself but he had ABs, was on CPAP,lumbar puncture, the works.

    I know we all look for answers that may not exist or just can't be found, but I find it hard to cope with losing two at about the same time, when I know I am Group B Strep +.

    I will mention it to my GP when he starts testing next week - I want to rule out APS too!

    Thanks again (sorry for the mini hijack everyone!)

    Alex
    xxx

  13. #85

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    Hello gals,
    Well, I am back! I have been sleeping most of the day. We had an overnight flight last night so hadn't slept and DS was sick on thursday night so was up with him all night then too, so hadn't really slept since wednesday so I am so tired. Though he did have a spew in the line at customs which got us through much quicker!! He is OK, he just had a blocked ear which threw out his balance a little and made him queasy. DS is staying with nanny tonight so I will hopefully get a sleep in tomorrow.
    Bali was nice, very quiet, except for the sounds of me screaming at DS, wow, he was so naughty this trip. Little bugger!
    Well, AF came, just like I knew she would. Eventually!! I usually have a cycle of around 34 days, but this was 44 days, so I abit pi$$ed at her for waiting so long to come. Beeatch! I am ok about it, was a little upset on thursday when it came, but as I said in the first place, I wasn't confident anyway, so wasn't surprised. I am a little confused now about how I am meant to concieve when AF is all over the place?? blah blah blah enough about me, what have you lot been up to?? Lot's by the looks of it. I have been slowly going through the threads to see what has been going on, but it is taking me ages, so I won't do personals yet. But I do want to ask Spring...Orange and peanut butter sandwich?? Is that for real? lol
    speak to ya'll soon

  14. #86

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    It's lovely to have you back Bailey! Sorry about DS being sick - the poor love. It's really hard when kids get sick out of your home environment - you must be exhausted... :hugs:

    Sorry that your period arrrived - it brings you down for a few days doesn't it? I have been thinking of you and I am sure I can speak for everyone when I say WE MISSED YOU!

    I'll pop back tomorrow...

  15. #87

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    Bailey: WELCOME BACK HUN!!! We missed you but I am glad that you had a nice time. Sorry that the beeeatch arrived. I am not sure if you temp or use OPK's, but If your cycle is a bit out of whack it might be worth a try. LMAO about the orange and peanut butter sandwich. Although it sounds interesting, I ate the organge by itself and then the sanger, not having any weird cravings like that.

    Klee and Kristee: There must be something about the name because that is my name also but spelt with a K and a Y. Soon we will rule the world Whooohahaha.

    Lynn: I know you are the best State in the world, but if you get a chance to read these posts just want to say I hope you are having a ball and those injections are not too scary.

    Deb: How does the new style feel? I love getting a haircut and really need one come to think of it. I can't imagine doing it with three kids in tow, I bet you didn't really get a chance to lie back and enjoy the head massage but I am sure it was an interesting time.

    Tommysmum: My DH was the strong one for weeks after we had Harry and then one afternoon, he was driving to a friends house to help him carry and install a new plasma and on the way ran up the bum of a car. He said he just wasn't concentrating. Luckily no one was hurt but the lady who was in the car said, 'having a bad day' DH just broke down then and there. He ended up talking to this complete stranger on the side of the road about Harry and she was so nice to him. She even rang later in the evening to check that he was ok and it was him who caused the accident!!! I am glad that DH has mates he feels safe confiding in, it is important for him to deal with his grief in his own time and in his own way.

    Heybacko: WOW 6 inches, that's huge!!! how do you feel? Like a totally different woman I bet. I hope that you bleeding is coming to an end and that you levels get back to normal soon.

    Mel: How is your hair after the big Chop. Boy I think we might have to start a separate hairdressing thread. You'll have to email me a pic to hotmail. I bet you look like a spunk-rat.

    Well I thought I would update you on the Aunty visit. My suspicions were confirmed, everything was going really well until the AIL was through half a bottle of bubbly and the truth came out. She was skirting around the issue of my MIL and I just said, don't mince words, how about we talk about the real reason you are here! DH said he was very proud of how I dealt with her.

    I just reiterated over and over how I felt. Many times she told me that she thinks I was being too harsh and to give the MIL a break. I must admit, I told her to get F*@#^D a few times but then calmed down. I told her about the horrible things the MIL did at the funeral and that I wasn't that I was being stubborn, it is just that I have no space in my life for a realationship with her. DH said that if one of my parents had treated him like she has treated me, then he would want nothing to do with them either. One really interesting thing she did say is that they were raised in a strict Catholic family where love is conditional, WTF, what a pathetic excuse!!!!! My family are Catholic and we were always lavashed with more love then we could handle. What pathetic excuse!!!

    I also told her about how angry I was about how MIL treated DH and that I don't care who she is, she doesn't mess with him and I will support and defend him till the day I die. She is also a big coward, she put a letter in with DH's birthday card which amongst other things said she understands how hard the last 6 months have been and we hope that we can put behind us things that are silly and unnecessary SILLY and UNNECESSARY, she hasn't even stopped to consider here behaviour and how she has treated us!!!! That means nothing to me, where is the appology for the appaling way you behaved you cow!!! To be honest it made me angrier but I didn't want to upset DH by making a big deal of it.

    Apparently they are in Europe until 1 May and will contact us when they get back, if she calls I am just going to answer and say, I hope you had a nice holiday but I do not want to talk to you. Goodbye

    Sorry for going on and on. I don't want to worry DH anymore all of this on his birthday but I know I can tell you girls anything. DH is having a sleep in today, so just wanted to get it out before he wakes up.

    Anyway, I'll pop in later after he heads back to Canberra, Hi to all you other wonderful ladies.

    OMG OMG OMG, can I just say that I am the most excited pumpkin on the block, the BIggest Loser and Big Brother all on one night!!! I not ashamed to admit I am an addict. Do I have anyother Reality TV users in here??? (lol)

    Luv Spring

  16. #88
    Heybacko Guest

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    Just a quickie for Spring, I'll pop back later to catch up with everyone else...

    Just wanted to say well done you for getting through the AIL visit - she couldn't fool the combined radar of BB!! Bet it came as quite a shock to her for you to be so calm and composed and standing by your guns!! I bet Lil Spring was getting a few little kicks and jabs in too, with Harry looking down thinking 'my Mummy kicks butt!'! How could she say 'silly and unnecessary' - WTF was that supposed to achieve?? Are the women in your DH's family aliens or what??? I mean, what planet, eh???

    If I had been treated as you have been, I would be saying 'thanks but no thanks' too, sometimes there is just no going back, and a mistake is just to big to ever put right again.

    I think you were strong, brave and totally in the right - DH may love his mother in a 'have to' sort of way but I bet he sure doesn't like her much, so good to hear him backing you all the way. Just a shame they picked his birthday to hijack, so out of touch, aren't they.

    to you Spring, a job well done!

    Love Alex
    xxxx

  17. #89

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    Thanks HeybackO,

    It is like my MIl has some members of her family under a spell where they forget commonsense and don't think about what they are saying/doing and that what she says and does is gospil. She nags and bullies people until they submit. Well DH and I aren't going to be bullied, that's for sure. . Nevermind, we DH and I have had a lovely day together so until she opens her mouth and says the next stupid thing, I am just going to forget about her and her pathetic excuses.

    Nice to know that I'm not over-reacting though, sometimes I think well maybe I am being a bit harsh but I know when I hear from outsiders that they think the same, I feel validated.

    Lv Spring

  18. #90

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    Hi everybody,

    Spring - MIL and AIL sound psycho! I think you should just not worry about them, it is useless trying to reason with someone who cannot see any fault in anything they do. It's like trying to argue with a liar, it's pointless and impossible. Glad to hear you're sticking it to 'em! Don't let it bother you, you have bigger more important things to think about.
    I think I will try the OPK's, not sure if I can bothered with trying to work out the temping. I don't know what else to do, my cycles just seem crazy. I am not sure if it is better to try the OPK's or one of those Maybe Baby things?? Does anyone have any advice on either??

    Will come back in later to see how everyone is.

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