Goodbye little Caterpillar

[butterfly_warrior]

Am feeling just a little bit better today...

If going through infertility and assisted conception had brought me and DH closer together... this is doing so even more. They say that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger - and it's certainly evident in our relationship right now.

We took that scary first step last night... I cried, DH was very gentle... and then I bled everywhere. There's just nothing like changing bed sheets at midnight! Weird, though - the bleeding had stopped and there's been no more over night or this morning, guess we just stirred things up a little.

Trish - I want to publicly say thank you. I thought it was you - I was just leaving for an appointment and wasn't quite with it. Hopefully I didn't embarrass myself too much by trying to get wiped out by another car as I turned out of my street. DH was very touched also. I'd been finding things very hard as I had nothing to hold to represent our baby... it's amazing just how much a small token like that can help. Thank you.

Will be heading out for the day soon (when my jeans are dry) and won't be back until quite late tonight. I'm starting to feel up to facing the world in small doses.

BW

[Baby~amore`]

BW- nothing can take the pain away and right now it will be great, but in time it eases .It helps to have a few momentos of your precious baby they was to be your greatest joy.Glad you got it okay. Keep 'everything' you can - even if you pack it away for now ,one day you might want 'keepsakes'.

I remember for a while one of my favourite quotes was I rather have a moment of happiness than never to have known it at all. or similar.

By the way - someone mentioned about a quote from someone else ... about an angel baby giving them answers ..not sure if anyone else mentioned already it but it was Bec G that has the quote ~Audrey~ & ~Charlotte~ gave them the answers to carry to full term (Eliza)

take care and I hope you have a good day and get lots of love from your mum.

Yes, I believe it does make your & Dh relationship stronger to share this together, and IVF/infertility too.

Also, it wasn't you at all that had to be embarassed - the other driver was a imbecile to *beep* - you had enough time and they were speeding in 50km zone. Idiot !

[butterfly_warrior]

Thanks again, Trish. People speeding down that street is a fairly common thing, but in my state of mind at the time, I thought it was just as possible that I hadn't actually checked properly.

I survived yesterday... I didn't manage to talk to mum at all about things, I was finding it hard to keep it together generally so I eventually curled up on the sofa with my nose in a book to distract myself. My nephew decided to snuggle up with me and spent a lot of time just sitting with me (this kid is usually running around non-stop!) which was really very nice.

I've got to the point where what I need to be able to move on from here is answers from the medical side of things. The first of August seems so far away! Fortunately, I have a friend who I can bother with the questions, and it may just help to have them addressed by someone in the medical side of things, even if I can't get complete answers just yet. My biggest problem is that I often can't find the words to give voice to what I'm thinking/feeling and it just stews inside.

Also feeling a little lost as to where I belong on BB now... the IVF stuff makes me feel a little odd in the M&L area, the loss is still a little too raw to feel completely comfortable going back to the assisted conception areas. No longer pregnant, not actually trying just yet... I guess until I figure out where I belong once more, this thread will just continue to get bigger and bigger... for someone who finds it easier to type my feelings rather than talk about them, I'm very, very glad (not the right word - relieved?) that there is a place like this where I can do just that.

BW