Sorry to hear that you have to deal with some insensitivity and unexpected gossip version 1st day back at work , but at least you have now put all that behind you, its always hard to deal with 1st day back and now you've done it! I hope it will get easier from here ...have an early night to rest, you deserve it!
BeiBei, you're right, the first day is behind me, and that was always going to be the worst.
I'm still really bugged that people know who shouldn't, and know more of my private life than I want them to - I'm still trying to figure out who I should complain to about that, though. It's bugging me too much to be able to let it go and say nothing.
I sometimes find myself in a weird state where I wonder if I ever really was pregnant. And then I feel guilty because I feel like I'm forgetting the Caterpillar already.
I'm frustrated with the lack of answers, the week between here and my next appointment... and the fact that part of me wants to try again, while another part is absolutely terrified of ever doing so.
I think there's just so much to process after being at work for the day, my mind is a complete jumble... DH had better prepare himself for a late night listening to me tonight!
BW, I hop e things are going ok for you today and that the transition back to work after being away is going ok. My heart breaks for you everytime I read about your struggles - I can't imagine how you are feeling. Your appt with Dr S is not so long away now - I hope you get the answers you are seeking. In the end, you did the best you could with the knowledge you had, and nobody can ever do more than that. God is with you and it's OK to be angry at Him as well - His shoulders are big enough to take it. Maybe we will understand in time why He does the things he does, and maybe not, but in the end there has to be some comfort in the fact that He is on control - because we certainly aren't!!!!! I hope and pray that your days continue to get better and that the insensitive and rude questions at work will stop. You are loved by many people, so take comfort in that and take the slow painful steps to recovery that you need.
I don't think today could have sucked less if it tried...
My first day back at school the kids were out of uniform, second day was school photos. They were always going to be hard days and I knew I'd struggle...
However I did not expect to hear things along the lines of "are you really sure you should be here?" Especially not when that's followed by "you know you're nearly out of sick days, don't you?". I can understand "you're not doing the best thing by your students if you're not ready to be here"...
But the one thing that really got to me, and has me feeling like a worthless, defective human that needs to be scrapped was "we think the stress of teaching contributed to you losing the baby, perhaps you should take a leave of absence".
I haven't stopped crying since... DH isn't home, and I don't think there's enough chocolate in the world to deal with the way I've been made to feel. Bad enough that I have to deal with the emotional aspect of not being able to get pregnant. Even worse that I have to deal with losing a very much wanted and loved baby. Now I'm being made to feel that not only can I not get pregnant or keep a baby alive, but because of all this I can't do my job!
How do you deal with the fact that your place of employment doesn't want you? How do you deal with the fact that the only way we can afford IVF is for both of us to be working? I feel so worthless, defective, faulty... like I belong on the scrap heap.
I'm not sure whether to throw and smash things or sit here and cry... either way, it doesn't do the migraine-type headache I woke up with any good.
BW, im so sorry for your loss and everything that you are going through now. Wow, i cant believe people at your work said that to you....especially your work contributing to your miscarriage and having a leave of absence!! Like wtf! That is such an unsupportive thing to say. I can understand the choc attack, i hope DH will be home for you soon. Im almost in tears for you. My work place hasnt been over supportive- ie as in gossipers etc.. but my boss has always said take all the time you want. Doing ivf is such a big part of our lives, i just cant believe someone would say that to you right now, if ever. God, what did you say to them? I think you need to talk to someone maybe at your work, or was it your boss that said that to you?? I hope you feel a little better soon. You are not worthless, never feel like that. mel
BW - i read your post when it first came up - and had to walk away from my computer as tears of anger were streaming down my face. i can't believe how insensitive your work place is being about this - i seriously can't fathom how it has gotten to this point that people are making these comments. it keeps running through my head that, if they know that work is stressful for you, why aren't they making changes to help you - why aren't they doing everything in their power to eliminate the stress in this environment? it's just disgusting behaviour from the people in management that firstly, your privacy has been breached by telling others of your situation, and secondly, that they are trying to get you to take time out to make life easier for them. If and when you choose to take a leave of ansence following your next transfer, it's something YOU and your husband need to decide upon without pressure from anyone else. and it needs to be a leave of absence on your terms, not theirs. the comments you've received are downright rude and hurtful and the people making them need to take a good long look at themselves
i wish there was something else i could say or do to make life easier for you at the moment BW - there is nothing i can say that will change what has happened - i just want to send you massive hugs hun - take care
OMG how insensitive they are, I cannot believe they can say that. Also what century are they living in thinking that was the cause of the m/c and how rude too. I am just stunned that so many unfeeling and rude people can work at "that" type of school too.
Hugs to you, can't think of anything else to say I am so angry.
BW, I just found this thread and wanted to say how sorry I am to hear of your loss. There are tears in my eyes right now, especially after reading about some of the insensitive comments you have had to suffer since.
Take special care of yourself at this delicate time. I am thinking of you. :hugs:
I've been wondering If I'm being over-sensitive... I've been wondering if I've reached the point where I just have to "get over it" and get on with life. Reading the comments so far tells me that I'm not. Especially when you consider this in light of the absolutely disgusting way I was treated last year.
I also don't see where they can get off telling me that stress contributed to the miscarriage when it happened at the end of a three-week break and I was not at all concerned about going back - I was actually excited, eager to be back, and trying to think of ways to break the news of the pregnancy to the kids...
I really don't know what to do, though. I can't see us being able to afford IVF if we don't have both wages, especially as mine is the greater... so in the end, if I stop work, it kind of defeats the purpose of doing so.
I also can't see how me leaving at this point is in any way fair to my year 12 students (one thing they threw at me today - me having been off for a week wasn't fair to them) who are already stressed enough right now!
I have a really, really bad headache (too many tears, again), and I just want DH to be home! I can't decide what to do, and I'm in no state to make a decision any time soon. Maybe if we can get some answers at our appointment next week it will be an easier decision to make.
BW ive been following your sad journey, but have been unable to find the 'right' words to post.
I just wanted to come in here and offer you the biggest of cyber hugs i can muster up.
I really dont know what else to say......
Please take care of yourself and i hope you get the answers you need at your next app.
Yr12's are teenagers, we remember what it was like back then and only realise now how horrible we were without realising it.
As for the fellow staff members, pfewey to them, they dont deserve you. You are doing whats right for you atm, if thats being back at work then so be it, the should back you 100% without the comments.
Tell me where you are and i'll come teach them a lesson!!!
BW, I am sorry that the work situation doesn't seem to be improving, it seems those comments are quite hurtful and insensitive...are they coming from your students or your colleague or management? If they are from the students, like you said, they are quite stressed right now, so maybe don't take it too hard, they are teenagers ...and stressed teenagers, they think they know everything but they really don't ...however if they are coming from the management, I think you should definately need to straight things up...although I don't know exactly how...
But one thing I do know is "Don't make the decision right now"! Sometimes work gets me as well, it feels like a huge big brick on my chest and I feel I am overwhelmed, but I am trying to tell myself that I am not going to make any decision now because I am so upset or angry or stressed...wait the feeling pass or give it a couple of days to think it over, then you will know you are not making an emotional decision, especially considering the cost involved in IVF (unfortunately we do live in a material world, how I wish we can just walk away with all these and tell them 'sorry you are not good enough for my hobby)...
Have a chat with DH tonight, get all your feelings out, talk it through and think it overnight, see if you still feel the same tomorrow morning...no one is rushing you to make decision...if they say those things trying to make you feel worthless, myabe what you can do is just the opposite -- ' Not letting them to"
The kids that are in year 12 will cope without you, those that will be successful no matter where. and this is no reflection on you at all. Its just a matter of reality. Its a fact of life. There are situtations which just happen and change is envitable
Some of our kids have had messy year, a teacher took long service and went overseas to see her family for 5 weeks, got back for a week adn then had to go again for another week as there was a death in the family. How unfair on your work place to say that.I have been questioned before about using up my sickdays!! I just get sick during winter and I catch every single sniffly thing at the drop of a hat. I think DH is the only one building a better immune system.
You need to work out what is best for you, and I know you still need some time to do this.
Would you consider maybe even reducing your time so working 3 days a week or something to help you. That way you still have some money coming in. If you went such a good numbers person I would suggest a financial planner! teheh.
I am so mad i am spitting feathers here! Do they feel, as teachers with no expertise, they know more about how miscarriages are caused than your FS?!? To say thinks like that to you, now of all times, when you need kindness and support, is just despicable.
I wouldn't decide ANYTHING right now. I'd wait until DH gets in, cry, talk, hug, allow yourself to get through this extra pain they've needlessly inflicted. Then sleep on it and see how you feel at the weekend say. If another person says a single word to you give them hell, tell them EXACTLY what you think of their "advice" and of your privacy having been breached and of the whole shoddy deal. I wish i could be there to do that for you, i know how hard it is when you don't want to break down and just getting through the day is tough enough.
Money is a worry but remember through all of this that your job, DH's job, are there to provide the cash you need to do what you want in life. If they start costing more than the money is "worth" then you get out of there! There are other jobs, there are 1001 ways to make money. Having to go into a place where people treat you appallingly and grind away at you until you're desperately unhappy SHOULD NOT be one of them. YOU and DH are the important numbers in this equation (yeah i went there with the maths! ) not your job or the idiots that work there.
The comments all came from a member of the executive staff - management, essentially. He's trying to pin the blame for the gossip on my friends in my staff area, however I know for a fact that they would say nothing! I suspect it may have been a certain person familiar to us both, mrsmac, who managed to put things together and that's where it spread from... I have learned my lesson now!
It takes a lot to get DH angry, but he was ready to grab the phone and give this person a piece of his mind... I love my DH!
Part time is certainly an option - I wouldn't even care if I still had to go in every day, just that I can spend less time there. I don't think stopping work completely is in my best interest - I think the depression would get the best of me if I did. Right now I need a reason to get out of bed and face each day, and while work isn't exactly the best reason, it's the only one I have right now.
Two digesic have sort of sent the headache back to a more manageable level... I'm certainly feeling much calmer after getting it out and cuddling with DH for a bit.
BW
Last edited by butterfly_warrior; July 25th, 2007 at 10:32 PM.
: said the opposite of what I meant - oops!
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and love. HOpe today is easier.
) not your job or the idiots that work there.
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