My thoughts are truly with you at such a hard time we had a huge shock finding out our lil one's heart had stopped at our nt scan....followed by a D&C 3 days later. I was so emotional leading up to it, but when I came out of surgery I really felt like I was detached from everything. And that detached feeling lasted for a couple of weeks for me, I was really just going through the motions and felt like I was existing just outside my normal world, if that makes sense. Wasn't crying, wasn't visibly upset, but just putting one foot in front of the other. And then one day it hit me, and I don't think I have ever cried that hard or for that long, and it helped. Just a little, but it helped. Because I had started to feel guilty that I wasn't more outwardly upset, so I think I understand why you are questioning yourself.
It all built up for me again around our due date too, and now I look back I can see it was part of the healing process for me. Everyone is different, and healing takes time, and your heart will never heal completely, but ever so slowly it gets just a little bit easier