Oh Sarah, firstly huge hugs to you

I felt a lot like this when I had the miscarriage in 07. I felt so guilty that I didn't react the way I assumed I would or should react. To me, I miscarried and that was that. I thought I felt this way because I had been told so many times that the baby had passed as there was nothing on the screen and there was a week of being told yes I was pregnant and then no I wasn't. I also felt that because I was just over 8wks, the pregnancy didn't feel as real to me as what Noah did, so the miscarriage to me felt less of a loss.
I felt guilty as there was a part of me that was relieved when it happened as it meant it was then over and I could go back to life as I knew it.
I was fine right up until my due date. That it when the enormity of what I'd been through hit me. I cried for my lost baby and I cried for the sibling my children would never know... most of all I cried for the fact that it had taken me this long to feel like this and I felt like I had betrayed the baby I was carrying.
I still have my moments, but as time goes on the memories get less hurtful and things become easier to deal with, but I will always remember my baby... how could I ever forget?

Sending you some healing vibes and loads of love. Please be gentle to yourself and know that you're definitely not alone in how you're feeling... it is true that everyone grieves differently.
Thinking of you