Sarah, honey, you're grieving. Everything you have written is perfectly normal. There are multiple stages to grief including anger, numbness, shock, denial, elation, relief. You may not visit all of the stages of grief during this difficult journey, and you may revisit some multiple times - it's all normal. There are no rules for dealing with grief - you deal with it as best you can. And so far, you're doing a wonderful job. Don't be afraid to lean on your IRL friends and family as well as your BB family and friends. And when you're really struggling, remember, take it one day at a time... and if that's too much, take it an hour at a time... and if that's to much, take it a minute at a time.

A friend of mine once scribed in a book she gave me When we can't run, we walk. When we can't walk, we crawl. When we can't cruel, we get our friends to carry us. Let your friends carry you when you need.