Oh Lynn - I am so sorry to read about Cooper

I know all too well what you are going through and my heart goes out to you at this time, especially with Christmas. This period has been so tough and has brought out so many emotions in not only myself but others on BB. I lost my son Nicholas at 36w1d on 5 September this year due to a blood clot that developed in the placenta. Like you I question every single day WHY????? There is no reason, apparently it is "bad luck"! Like you, Nicholas was my first baby and he always will be - just like Cooper will always be your first baby.

The only way to get through is to live each day at a time, and don't expect too much of yourself - to have gotten through that last four weeks shows how much strength and courage you have. There are days where it seems to get easier and you think you can pick yourself up and move forward but then the next day comes and kicks your feet out from under you and your left feeling empty, angry, numb, sad, confused, and any other emotion you can think of in one hit.

I think without having carried a baby you cannot realise the bond you feel with every kick and hiccup and elbow you get, I know I never did beforehand. It is very hard for people to understand what you are going through, before it happened to me I couldn't even fathom first of all losing my baby, and then after the shock and agony of finding out they are gone but to then be told you now have to give birth to your baby. The mental anguish you go through in the birth process feeling like you are going through all this pain for "nothing" is unimaginable. Just know that you do have something to show for it - You are Mummy to a beautiful little angel baby and your gift to him was his birth, and in return he will be watching over you for all of eternity.

You have come to the right place, without the beautiful women of BB I don't know how I would have gotten through. Sadly, I do understand so much what you are going through and if you ever need anything please feel free to email me.

I will be thinking of you, DH and darling little Cooper :hugs:

Love Mel