I totally agree with Spring, we have to be mindful of what we say to people going through so much grief. It takes so much emotion and energy just trying to make sense of these tragedies, and as mothers the emotions hit us more directly than others - the fact is there is no sense in losing our babies, no matter what the circumstances or "reasons". Personally, all I know is that our babies should be here on earth with us, and that is all I want to know. What we need is, as Spring said, unconditional support, and to realise occasionally it is best to leave some things unsaid.