Thanks everyone for your kind words, it really does help, reading others stories and seeing pictures of other beautiful angels also helps, thankyou for your story Tracey, i felt very sad for your loss while reading, *hugs*,
i will also be going for the follow up on Wednesday coming up, and i will probably come home and update here with whatever answers i get, i am also wondering if theres certain questions i should ask the doctor i see? is there anything you asked that helped you get answers? I only have a few questions to ask, but im feeling like i need more, but dont know what to ask, some of the questions ive come up with:
(sorry if tmi)
Is everything ok down there?
Am i able to conceive again?
When can we start again? (for future reference)
Will i get better care next time?
Could Roman have survived?
Why was my first app at 19 weeks?
What was the answers to the tests on the placenta/cord?
Did i have gest diabetes?
Whats my sugar levels now?
ask for a full rundown on what happened in detail
ask for a referral to counselling etc..
If you have any great questions i should ask, it would help greatly.
I also got my period the other day, on the 10th June, but im wondering if it is definitely a period, as i bled from 2-3 weeks after birth, and its been a couple of weeks since that stopped, but i wonder if the same bleeding has started again... or if it is def a period, because i have no idea, and i do hope its a period, although atm i hate seeing the sight of blood coming from down there, because i should still be pregnant!
Even though it was bad circumstances, i am glad i found a great support forum online to come to and talk, read and grieve with others
I'm very sorry for all of your losses, and wish i could help you all in some way too xo
Also, Rachel, i had a look at your website for your darling daughter, Maddison, and she was so beautiful! she looks very similar to Roman, so that did help seeing a beautiful girl that lookslike him, you have some very nice photos of her and your family, where did u get some of the name photos done? it looks very creative.
Thanks to everyone again, and i will check back often and read other stories and try and support others.
Its hard seeing other pregnant women and newborns, i guess part of it is jealousy, and i do feel guilty for not being happy for these women, but i just cant handle it, when i see them, i have to walk in another direction/exit the shop etc.. because it really pees me off, and sometimes i feel like why should i have to put up with seeing this when i go out,
i know i cant avoid it, and i know they are just thrilled to be pregnant and having a little one, i dont like the ones that wear very tight clothes though to the point where its way to noticable, and i know its not their fault how i feel and that their just happy to show off their baby bump. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Even when stupid baby ads/pregnancy come on tv it triggers something, reading the newspaper and magazines i just keep saying "this is rediculous, theres no way to escape it at all!"
I've also had to tell a pregnant friend that i cant be around her or talk to her for a long while, because i cant deal with it, (shes more an acquaintance) i had to tell her over facebook because she was updating news every few minutes on how shes feeling etc.. and that shes finding out the sex soon... and she didnt take it well that i was going to take her off my account for awhile... i feel a little guilty for it but i felt it was right for me to do.
Aswell as this, i really dont like when i see women with their children and their so frustrated with them and disinterested, because i would do anything to be a mum right now, and seeing parents complaining about their children to their friends, it really sends my blood boiling, i know that parenting must be hard and such with little children of course, but i feel some parents really take their children for granted and complain too much, is it wrong to think like that? does anyone else feel this way? like sometimes i feel like telling them what ive been through and that they are lucky to have a happy & healthy kid.
Last edited by AngelRomansMum; June 13th, 2009 at 10:41 AM.
I am so so sorry for the loss of your precious son.. Let me tell you everything you are feeling is completely normal.. It has been 6 months since the death of my twins (24wkers, survived for 12 days) and it's only now I can be in social situations with other mums and bubs without feeling the raw grief and jealousy.. It does get better though with time and talking about it however you feel comfortable will help. I love to talk and will tell anyone who will listen, but my partner prefers not too.. It can be hard, grieving so differently, but I have found so much support on the net and through support meetings.. I would love to write more but I am in a rush, I just couldn't read and run though.. Take care. Also wanted to add you are very brave to tell your story..
Oh sweetie, I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious angel Roman.
I understand all too well your frustration at the hospital not seeing you until 19 weeks. It was the same with me when I was pregnant with Noah. My local hospital wouldn't see me until I was 19 weeks, and the day I was meant to be there seeing them, I was in another hospital 3hrs away being told that my baby wasn't going to live. I was mad as hell at my hospital and my GP for what I thought was a lack of care. I wondered if there was more they could have done for me, and if I could have found out more sooner, but for me that wasn't so.
When I eventually fell pregnant with Harrison 3 months after losing Noah, I decided to go back to the hospital I birthed Noah at, which was about 40kms from where I lived. They saw me from about a week after getting my positive pregnancy test and I went on to have care that I could not fault and in the end I had a forever baby.
It is really hard seeing pregnant people everywhere, there were baby sales on everywhere when I lost Noah, and my sister was also 4 weeks behind me in her pregnancy and carrying a little boy. Most people I told understood my apprehension at being around pregnant women and my sister was fine. When I fell pregnant with Harrison so soon after, it became the norm for me to be around them again as I was pregnant too and that was ok for me then, but it took me close to 2 weeks before I met my nephew as his birth brought home loads of emotions for me.
I am sorry your friend reacted how she did on FB, perhaps it is the best thing for both of you to have some time out.
I hope you get the answers to your questions hun. In the mean time, please ask away in here and feel the love and support many of us have for you. It is a very sad road to travel down, but for me it made it feel a little less rough to know I wasn't travelling alone.
Big hugs
_______________________________________
J- 15 M- 11 H- 2 Noah Thomas - Born an angel, 21 Feb 2006 (20w5d) Little Wing (8w3d)
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I have no advice but I just wanted to offer my support.
I am sickened at the way you were treated whilst birthing your beautiful boy, may he rest in peace and fly with the angels.
xxx
Hi darling,
I am sooo sorry to hear of your loss. I hope that you are taking good care of yourself and taking time to grieve for your beautiful miracle baby.
I lost twins at 26 weeks on March 25th. Please know that all these feelings that you have are very normal.
In terms of support please know that there is so many beautiful groups/people around to take ypur hand on this journey. One of them is BB, they are a beautiful group of women who give invaluable advise and love. I have joined SIDS and Kids and SANDS, both are very welcoming and supporting. So far I have attended a group meeting at each organisation, it has changed my outook on everything, and I would highly recommmend group therapy. Everyone is different of course, and all in your own time. There is never a 'right' time. I attended my first meeting 4 weeks after the event, but I felt like I was ready to open up to this type of support.
At my first meeting, I admit I was terribly nervous and unsure I was actually ready to do this, but once I started telling my story I was immediately welcomed with open arms.
Group therapy is the most amazing experience as you are in a room with others who know exactly how you feel and the depth of your loss.
Please feel free to PM me as I am in Melbourne and more then happy to help in any way I can.
Take care and sending you hugs
I love lighting candles for Maddison and other angel babies.
I think it has helped me with my grieving process.
I think its a great idea to write out all your questions. I did as well.
What are the chances of it happening again? And if so what will happen next time
Can I do any thing different in my next pregnancy.
I found after having Maddison there were so many things that I wish the hospital had done differently. After 2 months I returned to the hospital and spoke to the midwives in the ward where Maddison was born. I told them the good and the bad. They seemed to take it on board and said that unless they are given feedback then they never know if what they are doing is ok. And it is true until you have lost a baby you don't know what is helpful and what is not. I also made a little sign to hang up in the room for future families. http://forums.bellybelly.com.au/foru...ng-advice.html
After doing this I felt I had a lot of closure and was able to move on and just remember Maddison as the beautiful baby that she was with out any negative feelings.
Best of luck. I hope you get the answers you are looking for xx
Last edited by Nelle; July 8th, 2009 at 12:26 AM.
: Just editing out signature with ticker :)
Hi hun,
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, RIP beautiful Roman. Losing a baby this late in pregnancy is so very heart breaking ,I know. I've lost my son at 20 weeks too, he was so perfect and beautiful. I went to my 20 week app. and found out I was having a boy and he was perfect. In a couple of the still pictures he did a 'thumbs up' gesture with his hand and I really thought all would be OK. I was pretty nervous thoughout my pg, so I really thought he was telling me he was OK and not to worry. A few days later I lost him. The 'thumbs up' sign really haunted me for a long time, and now I know he was telling me that he was OK with going to heaven.
I found a lot of support with SANDS as all women there have had late losses and talking openly about your own loss is very beneficial and helpful because these women have been in your shoes and they understand you. I also see a psychologis who has taught me that what happened wasn't my fault (I blamed myself for a lot of things I thought I did wrong like lifting a watering can, vacuuming the house, going for long walks etc). In reality, none of these things contributed to my m/s, I was just looking for something to blame. I now realise what happened was so out of my control. This has helped me to move on.
Having a supportive partner, family and friends is also very beneficial as is this site which has helped me soooooo much (thanks everyone!).
I wish you strength and peace, and thank you for sharing your story. You are a very strong woman, and I've no doubt will get through your loss, although you will never forget your son and your love for him.
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Be gentle with yourself hun.
Beata xxx
Thankyou again for the replys, and sorry for the losses, i wish we all had different outcomes *hugs* xo
I'm glad what im feeling is normal, i know that when i get pregnant again, ill be more aware of others around who may have these same feelings, and if i notice it, i'll understand.
I also hope i get the answers to the questions, but you never know what their going to say, i think im going to feel sick waiting before they call my name out coz i am a very anxious type of person when it comes to results.
Rachel, i think its great that you wrote up a list of things to do for other families!, you are a great inspiration and thinker, i wish all hospitals had that list, and i wish i had done a couple of things on that list..also thanks for the links
Lisa, im also sad that you got a first app at 19wks, its not right to get an app this late, i thought this hospital i went to would have been good because im about 10mins away, they may be local/close but not good quality, im happy to hear with your next pregnancy you got better care!
I'm also glad to hear of good experiences at the group meetings, i dont think im ready for that yet though, but for you that have you are brave and im glad its working for you x
Beata, i understand the blaming completely, because i do question what i could have done different, i am reminded by others theres nothing i could have changed, but i do wonder if i could have got an earlier app and saved him, at 20wks losing hurts so much,because your starting to make plans and getting the attachment with the kicking, and the baby bump just starting to grow, and become noticeable, i feel your pain *hugs*
Thankyou everyone again xx, i will keep updating here as much as i can.
Last edited by AngelRomansMum; June 14th, 2009 at 11:20 PM.
: i like correcting my spelling
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Noah Thomas - Born an angel, 21 Feb 2006 (20w5d)
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