Hi hun,
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, RIP beautiful Roman. Losing a baby this late in pregnancy is so very heart breaking ,I know. I've lost my son at 20 weeks too, he was so perfect and beautiful. I went to my 20 week app. and found out I was having a boy and he was perfect. In a couple of the still pictures he did a 'thumbs up' gesture with his hand and I really thought all would be OK. I was pretty nervous thoughout my pg, so I really thought he was telling me he was OK and not to worry. A few days later I lost him. The 'thumbs up' sign really haunted me for a long time, and now I know he was telling me that he was OK with going to heaven.
I found a lot of support with SANDS as all women there have had late losses and talking openly about your own loss is very beneficial and helpful because these women have been in your shoes and they understand you. I also see a psychologis who has taught me that what happened wasn't my fault (I blamed myself for a lot of things I thought I did wrong like lifting a watering can, vacuuming the house, going for long walks etc). In reality, none of these things contributed to my m/s, I was just looking for something to blame. I now realise what happened was so out of my control. This has helped me to move on.
Having a supportive partner, family and friends is also very beneficial as is this site which has helped me soooooo much (thanks everyone!).
I wish you strength and peace, and thank you for sharing your story. You are a very strong woman, and I've no doubt will get through your loss, although you will never forget your son and your love for him.
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Be gentle with yourself hun.
Beata xxx