Im so sorry for your loss. Im sorry I can not add any words of wisdom, just that I believe what happened to you is so unfair and I am thinking of you and hubby during this time.
I'm so very sorry for your losses. I wish I had words to take away your pain. Life does seem so unfair sometimes and unfortunately as much as we would like the world to stop, it does go on. Your precious angels will always be close to your heart, so know that they are near you forever. You and your family will be in my prayers.
Kam - I am so very, very sorry for the loss of both your babies. Life is unfair at times and no one should have to go through the loss of a child or children. I am thinking of you and your family. Please take care
I remember when I was in labour with one of my children, I spent some time in the coffee room comforting a woman who was watching her own daughter give birth to a child that had already left. She was truly shattered and grieving the loss of her grandson, and so heartbroken for her daughter, but every time it got too much for her, she would leave the room and I would be waiting there for her. She felt she needed to be strong for her daughter, and not let her daughter see her upset. Most of all, she didn't want her daughter to feel like she had to feel guilty for her mothers grief too.
I also know from personal experience, that at least at first my family had the immediate feeling that perhaps we shouldnt talk about it. Take this song out of the playlist, it would remind them of her. Don't bring it up, we don't want to worsen their grief. It takes the right person to tell them - that is the absolute worst thing they can do.
I was given the most valuable information ever by the lady during my own grief councelling when my niece became an Angel from SIDS. "Yes, losing their baby has hurt them beyond belief. But trying to protect them from their grief by not mentioning her - or pretending she didn't exist is going to hurt them even more."
Perhaps get some of the extended family grief assistance books from the SIDS website and give them to your family "Just in case they need help too". It might just help.
Kam, oh honey, I am so so sorry . I can't even imagine what you went through to lose two precious bubs. Life is unfair, lets not kid ourselves. Unfortunately, I wear rose coloured glasses most of the time, but even I was so rudely awoken when I experienced my own loss. I birthed my own son at only 20 weeks along, and I thought God was so cruel to take away my little baby. There were so many terrible and sad and guilty emotions I went through days, weeks and even months following Joshua's death. But with time I came to accept that yes, life is very unfair, and some women do get to keep their babies, it just wasn't me this time. But our time will come someday, and our new babies will help us heal and fill our hearts with love again. And bring new joy to our lives.
I aso felt that people were forgetting too soon, didn't feel comfortable talking about my loss. So I talked about it, and I forced them to acknowledge my son. He existed, and was so loved, I wanted them to understand that. I just feel so disappointed that my own family wasn't more supportive through my loss.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, and with your two precious angel babies.
Beata xxxx
KAM, I am so sorry.. I know nothing will take away your pain right now but I hope you please take comfort in the fact you are not alone.. Maybe getting in touch with SANDS (Stillbirth and neonatal Death Supp) Will help.. They have listeners that you can call anytime and they also have a library that you can borrow from as well as newsletters that you can place a memorial in if you wish.. There are so many ways to honour your babies.. I have been sent a bracelet from a memorial site called Nicola's tears and had my bubs names written in the sand and printed out on canvas.. For me its little things like this I do to keep their memory alive.. And you always have us here.. Just 1 day at a time..
KAM, I am deeply sorry for the sorrow that you and your husband are feeling.
I to understand what it's like to not only lose 1 child but 2, as I lost my baby twins in Aug 08, they were born stillborn at 19w 6d one of each a girl then boy.
I can only offer this advice to you, take it minute by minute, hour by hour & then day by day. You will feel extremley angry for a long period of time, vent it out, once you can do this you are releasing the massive build up of hate etc.
It has been 6mths since the passing of my angel's, and to honour them in my own way I am getting a tatoo near my ankle a footprint of each child , it mean's every step I take they take with me.
Please PM (private message) me you need to talk whatever you need, all us girls Bellybelly can understand what you are going through, you are not alone just remember that.
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