Cry. Yell. Scream. Let it out.

You're not alone in grieving and mourning the loss of your birthing experience

I feel exactly the same as you... so many 'what ifs' and 'whys' running through my head, and I also cry when I think about Jasmine's birth. I feel jealous and resentful when I hear of other peoples births, how 'easy' they got it, when it didn't even matter to them how it happened, when I invested so much time during pregnancy.... People saying "at least you're both ok" and wanting to say "I'M NOT OK" and rip them from limb to limb...
It is getting easier though, very slowly, and I have hope that it will keep getting eaiser. And it will get easier for you too hun. It will take time.

We are here for you

(Oh, and the numb/painful section above the scar... try using a belly belt like people use during pregnancy... I found it helped with the pain of my pants rubbing on that skin. It does lessen eventually too)