thankyou all so much for your overwhelming support and quick replies. im sorry I didnt reply sooner but every time I read this I break down in tears and just cant do it.
im still sad but I feel I am slowly accepting the fact that its happened and there wasnt much I could have done about it. I need to stop the voice in my head that keeps saying "I didnt give birth to my son, They cut him out of me..." I am trying to focus on that first gurgling cry of his I heard at 12:13am 3 wks ago today, that made me catch my breath and think omg im a mother, I have a baby... thats a nice memory.
thankyou too leasha for your tip with the belly bands, great idea, at least now I can wear pants that arent around my neck.

as for debriefing....I have spoken to a few people in my life who have had c/s, surprisingly (for me) they have all felt the same way, why dont people talk about it? why are there so many things in pregnancy and childbirth that are almost taboo to be spoken of?
anyway, my aunty had 3 cs, her first being an almost exact replica of my experience, it was great to discuss with her the emotions involved and how she has dealt with them.
also my sister in law, again a failed induction, failure to dilate, and my brothers girlfriend same story again.... point is I am reaching out, I am talking to these people and getting my feelings out there.
I love my mum to bits and my dp too, I think that unless one hasthe experiience of having a cs, its a bit hard to understand, I know it never crossed my mind beforehand.
I did actually write out my birth story on here but then lost the whole post and cried buckets of tears in frustration eventually I will try again.
once again, thankyou for your kind words, hugs and thoughts, they mean the world to me and I dont feel so alone.
xxx