I agree with everyone here... grieve for the birth you did not get- if you dont acknowledge it and deal with your feelings they will consume you. Let your partner know that you are upset- you are not crying for no reason- you have a reason- and its a valid one.

Yes people can say the main thing is that your both ok- but as Leasha said- right now YOUR not ok with it, in time maybe you will be.

I know you are quite apt at writing your feelings down, so maybe try that- get it on paper- let go of all the things that disapointed you- and then..... as hard as it may be- look back and try and find something ANYTHING that was good and special about your experience, even the smallest things and focus on them.

Take care know you are not alone in your feelings
SB
xoxoxo