Yes exactly meow I am worried you are trying to make this work too much. I feel you need and have the right to be selfish in this relationship. It isn't a friendship it is of a professional nature. If she is a good midwife she understands that this is not her journey this is not about her feelings. What are you going to care most about one week post birth? The feelings of a women that you chose not to be your primary midwife or the fact that you got the birth attendant you needed? It will not hurt to discuss you feelings with her now, I know it will be hard but boy it will be much harder if you are in transition

It will not hurt to meet with other midwives and I can't hurt to keep reassessing how you are feeling and your prioritise about this birth. What's most important to you! I made far to many compromises in my last pregnancy care and labour. The consequences are far reaching. Only you know what is the right fit for you and what's worth compromising and what's worth fighting.

I think you have had too much on your plate the past few weeks. Juggling house moves and children's new schooling, family visits and holidays. Your midwives appointments are the only time you are getting to focus on the baby and your needs and that's leaving you panicked and rushed. Slow it all down, don't have that appointment next week if you aren't ready. Can you have some time to yourself to just be with this baby? Work out a plan together? It's all ok I promise, you have months to sort this out.