To all who have sent their thoughts thank you. Today isn't a good day, we should have been 21wks today. It just doesn't seem fair, we were 18w5d when all this happened & I guess we thought that we were past the 12wk mark so all would be alright. I guess you just never know. The hardest thing for me at the moment is sometimes to look at my son, James. I know that must sound horrible, but the thing is that Alex was the spitting image of James & there are times when I am holding him while he is sleeping & he looks exactly like Alex did when I held him after he was born. I am also sick of people telling me that it is Mother Natures way, that there must have been something wrong with him, I swear if one more person says that they are likely to get a mouthful. Because to look at him he was so perfect. Gorgeous little fingers & toes with perfect little fingernails & toenails, I guess that makes it harder to come to grips with. I am so proud of my hubby to have stayed while Alex was born (in his own words he isn't good with blood & that sort of stuff) & that he saw him afterwards. Also the support my Mum showed us was unbelievable, she was there & cut the cord. She is a bit like me, she has good days & bad days. I just can't come to terms with the fact that you are given this most gorgeous & wonderful gift of a little life & now we are never going to get the chance to see him grow or what sort of person he would have become. Life goes on I know but it seems so damn hard to do it. I am also sick of people telling us we should be grateful we already have one. I am grateful & I know how lucky we are, but do they think they are making it any easier for me to cope! All I can think of is the fact that I should have been lucky enough to have 2 beautiful boys not the one that I have & the most precious angel baby that we do.
Sorry I seem to get off track it is so easy done.
I must be off for now, James is in need of some motherly love (or at least I need to give him some!!)