Oh Wheatie, I'm so sorry. Reading your post today took me straight back to the raw-est of feelings. My heart truely goes out to you. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

My experience was not unlike yours and know that feeling how you cant believe it's happening to you. I went for a scan at what I thought was 9 weeks (purely to see how many were in there as my sister is pushing 40 and just had twins) for my first pregnancy. I went to the sonographer one lunchtime from work all excited and completely thinking nothing would be wrong and I'd have a picture of a funy little blob to scan and email my DH. I'd told him not to worry about coming to this scan as the next one will be more exciting.

As soon as the sonographer was looking at the screen I could see her hiding concern. There was the little 'shape' of the baby but no heartbeat. It had died 2 days earlier. I felt like I was in a bad movie and it wasnt happening to me. I went back to work on this stange 'auto pilot' but came home and literally collapsed in tears when it finally hit. I couldnt even face a shopping center for weeks for risk of seeing every pregnant person under the sun.

I know you'll find it heard to believe, but there really was nothing you can do, and as soon as you start talking to the wonderful girls here who have all been through the same pain, you'll realise how ridiculously common it is. I went through two weeks of blaming myself for everything until I got the tests results back from the D&C where, just like most of them, there was a chromosomal 'error' where some information get's lost among all the cell division. Sometimes that lost info isnt needed for some weeks into development, but when it is required for that next stage of development, things just stop.

You are lucky in a way that you havent passed the baby yet and have a good chance at some explanations...but the cruel thing is it doesnt change the outcome.

Please do make the most of talking to these girls, I cant tell you how much it helps that someone understands the pain and there's bucket-loads of support. I know it's hard to believe now, but that shocking stab in your heart does subside. The loss is always in your memory and heart and hopefully you will find a way to remember the little one you lost (I bought a little teddy bear charm which is now on my bracelet but other girls here have had beautiful ideas). One day you find you dont have to forget that little one, but just tuck it away in your heart and look to the future.

take care