Yes talking to other people who it has also happened to is INVALUABLE. I cant say that enough. It was a struggle for me at first as DH is a REALLY private person and didnt really want to tell anyone (still doesnt) but the minute I confided in a few close girlfriends at work and one of them started reeling off not only her own experiences..but those who work around me who I had no idea about, i instantly felt a sense of relief. It helped me to believe how common it was and that there really is nothing I could do.
As for the tests, my Ob (yes like you I only made it to my first appt) is Dr Nick Lolatgis who is one of the expert panel from this site. As soon as I had the scan with the bad news, the sonographer rang him in his rooms (just upstairs from the scanning dept) and he came to see nme straight away. I had a D&C within 48 hours (I was in a daze so just went along with what he suggested). Two weeks after the D&C I got a letter in the mail from the lab (prepare yourself when they describe your precious bub as 'products of conception') with the result of what happened. Dr Lolatgis also gets a copy of this, then he rang me for a chat and to see if I wanted to come and talk at length about it. In my case there was no real need as the test results came up with a missing chromosome (the most common chromosomal error) called Turners syndrome and once he explained this particular type happens to ANYONE, I didnt feel I needed to look at further testing of DH or myself. I guess one thing I did find out (as Turner's syndrome only happens to females) is my bub was a girl..which at the time was sad, but has now given me an 'identity' to grieve.
Having said this, I may have been lucky and even with testing they still might not find an actual cause. Do ask you Ob as it's well worth it in the long run to help you stop blaming yourself as well as mking the decision to try again (I was terrified of trying again for weeks).
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