didn't want to have to write in here...

[Heaven]

Thanks Lulu. Nope not working or anything. I just finished my uni and haven't started looking for a job yet, phew, will put that on hold now. I'm grateful there's no pressure to work or anything yet and I can do it when I'm ready.
We had only told immediate family so DH just rang mum and she told ppl for us, I didn't want to talk to anyone.

[sportychick]

Sara Jane, I;m so sorry for your loss. It sucks in major way. Wish I could say something that helps, but I'll be praying for you.

[River]

OH Sara honey, I am so sorry to hear this news . I have sadness in my heart for you and I will be thinking of you.

Take care of yourself and rest up.

I am so so sorry for your loss darl.

[Cricket]

So sorry to hear about your little one, SaraJane. I can't take away your pain, but I am thinking of you, and pray that you will receive comfort and strength. You know where your baby is - resting in the arms of your Father, who loves you both more than you can ever know.

Take time to grieve with your DH.

[dusty]

oh hun, i am so so sorry to see your post and hear your sad news. i was so happy for you when you got your BFP and this is such a cruel cruel thing to happen to you. i don't have any advice but i wanted to send you lots of warm hugs and special thoughts.

xx

[paradise lost]

SJ, more I wish i was closer so i could come barging round your house with wine and trashy magazines and real hugs.

Some more info re: waiting: with #1 i had what i thought was my normal AF for a bit (we didn't know about the baby until i lost it) - i spotted for about 2 or 3 days and then the bleeding began. Once i'd started to cramp (the day after red bleeding began) it was all over within about 8 hours, then i just bled for another 3 or 4 days, after which it got lighter and lighter and stopped 4 weeks after the initial spotting had begun. With #2 i spotted for 13 days before the bleeding got heavy and i lost the baby on day 14 then spotted until a few days short of a month from the initial spotting starting.

Remember this is all on your terms. If the waiting gets too much you CAN have the D&C, sometimes a woman's body just has problems doing it by itself, but i would say you could safely wait certainly another week if you're comfy and so long as you don't have other symptoms (fever, headache etc.).

This liminal phase of not-pregnant-but-non-not-pregnant is so so hard hun. The waiting is agony, but let me tell you, in 10 or 11 months when your precious bub is staying in past his or her EDD you will be MUCH better at waiting after this. One of the biggest fears i had even after my furst loss, was that i wouldn't be able to have a baby, but i did. And you will too SJ, you'll get your baby.

My Nana always used to say "jesus only gives crosses to people who can carry them". There might be times when it feels unbearably sad, but even if you think you can't do this, Someone knows better.

Giant hugs to you. I hope your wait is smooth and short.

Bx

[sneakysparkle]

I'm so sorry sweetheart
Praying for you babe xo

[Antheia]

Oh no! Huni, i was so hoping this was not going to happen. I'm so so sorry. I'm thinking of you and DH during this sad time.

I'm just a PM away if you want to chat at all.

[Nadine]

SJ, I am so sorry to hear your news HUGE for you. I am sooo sorry!

[Lou Lou]

Oh no SJ - I am so sad to hear your terrible news. My heart goes out to you

[SallyJ]

SaraJane, so sorry to hear your sad news.

Regarding the tests etc, from my experience I would suggest you do have them so you can monitor what's going on, though it is a shame that the medical professionals you are dealing with are so dismissive of your concerns. I had no sign that anything was wrong till I went for my nt u/s at 12 1/2 weeks, and saw that bub had passed around 7.5-8 weeks. I opted for d & c to get it over with (and besides, my body was obviously not going to do anything about it - was still growing a placenta for goodness sake!).

[Heaven]

Thankyou all for your beautiful healing words
I'm feeling a bit better.
Had the second blood test yesterday, OUCH!! Didn't have the normal lady, and she gave me a bruise. It has never hurt before, I think the other lady is really good.
Anyway, go to see the Dr on Tuesday for the results and whatever else.
Still only having spotting, so this is day 10 of it. Had none yesterday so I was getting worried thinking it wasn't going to happen and I'd have to have a D&C but this morning when I woke up there's a bit more than usual and some pink spotting which looks hopeful (ok, that sounds really odd but I just want it to be over now). Sorry about the TMI.
I am going to see my acupuncturist on Wednesday so hopefully if nothing has happened he can help. I think I'll ask for a medical certificate from my Dr just to say that it's definately not ok so I can give it to the AP so he doesn't feel weird about trying to help a m/c happen!
Have been temping again but that's not giving me any insight into when it will happen, damn, my temp did dip but for the last few days it's been going up again so no help there.
Ok, well that's all from me, thankyou all!

[butterfly_warrior]

Hang in there, SaraJane. Remember that God is in control...

Hopefully things will get started and be over soon. Just look at how unwilling your body is to let go of this precious angel... Thinking of you... sometimes the wait is the worst of all...

BW

[Shanti]

Sara, I only just found this thread I'm so sorry once again for your HUGE loss.... You know I am thinking of you and your DH every day and I am so proud of you for the way you've handled it all so far, you are doing so well.... cry when you need to cry, smile when you want to smile, and don't feel bad for any feelings you have as it is all normal

You have really gone through an emotional time the last few days I'm so sorry

[Heaven]

Thanks BW and Ren.

Well, more bad news for me. A family member is really unwell, we knew this was coming and I have to go away tomorrow morning early. Don't know how long for, probably 2 wks. We were planning on going on the weekend anyway for a holiday but now I just have to go a bit earlier.
ANYWAY, I'm meant to have my Dr appt tomorrow morning for the results of my BT and whatever else. So I rang them but she's not there today, my 2nd BT results haven't came back but the first have and they said HCG: 8900 and Progesterone: 28. So it really doesn't mean anything, can't see how fast it's going down or anything. But they've written a note for the Dr to ring me tomorrow to talk about it.
So, what I want to know is, I'm going away, there's nothing I have to worry about is there? Unless something happens and I'm feeling really sick or bleeding a lot? Then I will go to the hospital down there. It's still just spotting at the moment but has increased a bit the last 2 days, still not much tho. Any advice on what I have to do, look out for or anything??
Thanks girls.

[Kitt3n]

Oh SJ, you poor thing!

Try and rest, as hard as it is. If the bleeding gets worse or you get a different coloured discharge go straight to ER (you may be haemorraging) (SP??)

Take care and let your body and heart mend xxx

[Heaven]

Thankyou Cat

[MeredithD]

SJ - I am so so sorry for your loss.Life can be so cruel - to give us a precious gift then snatch it away just as our dreams are unfolding! It is so unfair and my heart breaks for you and all you are going through. Sadly, i know all those emotions only to well.
Not trying to change your mind on the D&C issue but I will just give you my personal story and opinion. I have done it both ways and would defnitely go the D&C. I have lost 4 babies now but actually "losing" them, my body is not keen on at all. My first m/c was quite early (5 weeks) and I did start out the "natural' way but after a lot of pain, ended up with a D&C as it just wasn't all clearing out. My next two were "missed m/c's" and I elected D&C because I couldn't handle carrying dead babies around whilst still feeling all the pregnancy symptoms. I needed closure and I also wanted to have my babies tested. Mind you, I still ended up with retained products after both D&Cs. Last time need a second D&C but this most recent m/c looks like I will pass the rest myself.
I am sorry if I am sounding so negative to "natural" m/c. I am in no way trying to deter you from the very personal decision you have made. Just wanted to warn you that it doesn't always "complete" itself naturally and may take quite awhile eg weeks. With your HCG and prog levels still quite high, your body does still think it is pg and so may hang on to your baby for some time yet. Even after a D&C almost 3 weeks ago, my HCG is still 900 (I still feel m/s almost all day!) and my temp only dropped yesterday so I am guessing, without surgery, my babies would still be in there now, almost a month after they died.Personally, I just could not have handled carrying them around that long.
Praying for you that things happen sooner rather than later and you are able to "birth" your baby as you wish. Remember, your health IS a priority so if things aren't going well, then please get medical attention.