Hi Nae and Dianne,

Thanks so much for your very kind words and your understanding. It's so good to chat to someone who really understands, and really cares. Losing a baby is definitelly the most devastating and heart breaking experience I've been through, and what upsets me even more that there is still so many girls out there who will go through the same experience. My heart just goes out to them as I know what a life changing and painful experience it is. My heart goes out to you both also, I know what is like to walk in the shoes of a mother who definitely doesn't deserve her baby being taken away so soon.

I'm getting a bit better now, I have been seeing a grief councillor for the last 2 months and I have gone to a support meeting throug SANDS which has been very confronting but good for me to get my feelings out in the open. These girls have also experienced a terrible loss, and some quite a while ago and they still find it hard to talk about it.
I love talking about Joshua as it makes me feel like he's always with me, and especially when others talk about him because to me they are acknowledging him.
I also believe that my relatives and those of my partner Alan, are looking after Joshua and probably fighting amongs themselves for babysitting rights !!

I think my faith in God has really helped me with my loss, and I know he is in a really good place, although I would give anything for him to still be here.
Thanks again for your kind thoughts, and for your great support. It means so much to me.
Lots of love and hugs
Beata xx