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Thread: Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #1

  1. #181

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    Big ones for both of you.


  2. #182

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    tellytubby I hate it. I keep telling myself that pregnancy is supposed to be special, but all I could do was worry, and that made me worry for being worried! LOL. We hired a doppler for DD's pregnancy and it really helped saved my sanity each time I started spotting. There was one day it happened at work and I called DH - he left work and went home to pick up the doppler and brought it to me. I lay in the backseat of the car just to make sure everything was still okay. It was horrible. You've echoed many of my feelings and thoughts and I'm so sorry you're feeling it too. Nobody in my family has been through this and it meant that after the first m/c, nobody really knew how to act around me which drove me bananas. So this time around we didn't really say anything straight away, but that doesn't feel fair either. Vicious circle.

    I guess I fell into this false sense of security that it wouldn't happen again. I did have one baby. DH is being really supportive because I keep blaming myself. He says that it could be him that's causing it, but I doubt that because I have spotting throughout. I have fibroids too, so I know that they could be causing the spotting. I know the facts, but I just want it all to go away so I can enjoy what will be our last pregnancy. We're both living in a land of limbo, waiting to fall pg, waiting to move house, waiting for our plans to happen. Right now, we're both just going through the motions (with a few highlights here and there!), just waiting for something to happen. Gah!

    AF is here atm and it's a "normal" one at last. I m/c naturally in April and didn't expect things to take so long to get back to normal. First m/c was a d&c and I felt on top of things a lot faster then. Good luck with your TTC, hun.

    Thanks for the hugs, Audax.

  3. #183

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    Pac - I totally understand where you are coming from. I think the whole uncertainty of TTC after miscarriage really takes it out of you. My journey went from not being able to conceive, to conceiving the miscarrying, to conceiving then miscarrying twin A but going on to have a healthy baby. Then conceiving easily but miscarrying again, then clomid for another healthy baby. Then SURPRISE, a healthy baby from not even trying. Then two miscarriages. So Ive kind of gone down then up then down again. I keep reminding myself Ive achieved 3 healthy babies before, I can do it again but I have to wonder whats different in the last 12-18mths from before? If anything things are better physically, mentally and lifestyle wise. I gave my body a rest after having 3 kids so close together, Im trying to eat healthy and lose weight............................yet nothing.

    We're 4 months off TTC. Dh is overseas atm so December is our start month. Im already noticing issues with my cycle (like spotting mid cycle and really bad cramping right throughout). I said if it became a stressful journey to get pregnant I wouldnt do it and I can just see Im going to have to head off to a fert specialist and find out what the heck is going on before we even start trying. Im betting theyll probably suggest clomid again as I think its a progesterone issue, then on top of that having to do the clexane injections for the whole pregnancy - Im already tired just thinking about it.

    Tellytubby, I think of you often, I hope your doing ok considering

  4. #184

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    Freya - that's full on. It's the whole unknown there, I guess. The knowledge that you can have a healthy pregnancy and baby - if it can be done, then why do you have to go through all the other stuff! It's not fair. I get jealous when I hear about people who flourish when pregnant, who just go with it. I hope I can be that person, but I doubt it. I have my fingers crossed that when your DH comes home, everything clicks into place for you.

    I'm healthy, bit heavier than I'd like to be, but I think I'm in an okayish range. I don't drink coffee, rarely drink alcohol, am not on any medications. Never have been. Biggest vice is I don't eat enough fruit. But I feel like for some reason my body isn't equipped properly to just hang on and do what it's supposed to do for nine months.

    Just one more baby....one more.

  5. #185

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    Freya - wow... yes I agree with Pac, full on I hope your body sorts itself out, and when your husband returns from overseas a beautiful, easy, sticky, surprise awaits you. Ahh that would be just heavenly, woudln't it? That is so sweet, for you to say that you think of me often. I feel like such a neglectful BB member. I've never actively looked in this section of the forum until recently, all of you beautiful women in here who have been doing it so hard, and I haven't cared to even look Yet when I needed you all the most, there you were, supporting me then, and still now. I'm so sorry for my absense, I really do support all of you and hope nothing but the best for you all. Freya, strange question, but were you once known by a different username? I'm just trying to piece my thinking together, Anne??? Excuse me if i''m mistaken x

    Pak, my god I hate it to. I have so many friends who announce their pregnancy to the world within ours of a BFP. I just wish I could be so carefree. Its just not fair. And they cruise through their pregnancies, not a stress, not a worry - just a beautiful journey, as it should be. From the very first moment we see a gorgeous second line, we do nothing but stress. And you know what?? I can only imagine how bad that is for our growing human But Pak, please, please do not blame yourself. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it. As much as I hate hearing this myself, it really was just meant to be. Keep your chin up high, you are an amazing woman, you will have another, healthy, beautiful baby, okay? We may even be bellybuddies together

  6. #186

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    Quote Originally Posted by PacRakMG View Post
    Nobody in my family has been through this and it meant that after the first m/c, nobody really knew how to act around me which drove me bananas. So this time around we didn't really say anything straight away, but that doesn't feel fair either. Vicious circle.
    I know that feeling so well. I remember when my nephew was handed over to me, there were these glances everywhere, like people were worried they'd break me. (mind you nobody thought to not have his 1st birthday party on my EDD ) I feel like nobody, especially in DHs family, understands just how precious this makes our little girl. They call us overprotective. I call them *********s.

    As much as it feels like they're not, the odds are actually on your side for every pregnancy. Most pregnancies survive and are OK. I had to tell myself this a thousand times every hour when pregnant with DD, because when you've been on the bad side of the odds, it's so hard to believe that you'll be on the other side.

    And it sucks, but I fully expect to have another m/c. That's a crappy place to be, but at the same time I just think I'm being realistic.

  7. #187

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    Great memory Telly! I was formerly known as A N N A T. But had to do a quick costume change when some family members overstepped boundaries!

    Heh, family havent been all that great a support with my miscarriages. The opposite infact but I wont go on about it because I bet all our stories are similar. Not even Dh was really supportive until the last two I had. I think it hit him then, looking at our boys, about what exactly it is we lost, even if it was in those early stages of pregnancy. He's worried now, about what another miscarriage would do to me. Cant say I blame him, I worry about it too. Worry that Im going to push the envelope to far.

    That said, for myself, the whole journey led to something beautiful in the form of some amazing lifelong friendships with some beautiful women I met on here way back in the early days of the Parenting after Miscarriage and Loss thread. I think they've been the saving grace, always one step behind me ready to catch me while I fall apart and then put me back together. A small consolation but something that keeps me going, knowing theyll be holding my hand the entire way through the pregnancy and birth.

  8. #188

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    Tellytubby - *hugs* it's been a while since I posted in here, to be honest I had forgotten about it

    PacRakMG - *hugs* to you to hun, the whole TTC journey after m/c sucks, I was lucky in my group as a lot of us had had losses before and understood what it was like, most of them have gone on to have bubs now or are pregnant, so it can all work out right.

    Freya - I hope you get that super sticky BFP really quickly when hubby gets back from overseas *hugs* to you as well xx

    Audax - sending you *hugs* too x

    afm - thought I'd better update my history...
    Jan '05 - d&c due to borderline ectopic and abnormalities not compatible with life; Jan '06, m/c; Jul '06, m/c; Aug '07, m/c; Dec '08, DS; Jan '10, m/c; Mar '10, m/c; Mar '11, DD, Jun '11, m/c.

    7 losses and 2 rainbow babies... I feel so lucky to have my 2 kids, especially DD as we thought we would lose her a few times with several bleeds early in the pregnancy and pre-term contractions at 21wks.

    Not much happening with me though, hubby doesn't want any more kids, I do... He wants to get a vasectomy but I don't want him to, and I'm trying to convince him that we should have 1-2 more babies, but scared of having another m/c at the same time, especially after our surprise pregnancy and early m/c in June.

    Hope the rest of you are doing ok today xxx

  9. #189

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    Tellytubby - Fingers crossed we'll be lucky enough to be bellybuddies together! I wasn't really using BB much when I was pregnant, so I didn't know about the buddies groups, and then when DD was born, she had hip dysplasia and I found it too hard to go into the baby buddies group and see how babies her age were developing when she couldn't. So I sort of missed out on all of that. I joined the baby buddies group after she was brace free and they are a beautiful bunch of people, so I'm looking forward to this time around joining in from the start. I'd love to just tell people that I fell pg after we found out ourselves, but we learned the hard way the first time. Once we told people, and the grapevine took off it was nuts. But when I m/c, the grapevine didn't work and I had people coming up to me a month later, asking me where my belly was. It was so painful for me and embarrassing for them. I sat at my SIL's baby shower (who fell pg before me) and when she was opening her presents, all eyes were on me to see how I was coping. So much pity, it was awful and I swore we wouldn't tell anyone again until we were at 12 weeks.

    Audax - I remember my ob talking about the odds and I know they're on my side. I know I can be a little overprotective at times, but luckily nobody gives me grief for it. My family saw what I was going through when we lost the first one, even though I acted pretty tough and then to go through the hip journey as well, yeah, it wasn't easy. My parents were overseas for the first six months of DD's life and when they returned, my stepdad went through this horrible period of guilt because they came home to see this cute chubby baby with locked-in legs and he realised what DH and I had been going through with very little support. So all that overprotectiveness comes from them too

    Freya - The support I've found on here is incredible. I think once all is well and I do fall pg, that the PAML group is probably the place I need t be. More

    JennaJayen - Your pg with DD must have been so nervewracking. I hope you can have another baby

    I guess I'm feeling a bit blah about it all at the moment because I'm at the point where we should have shared the news and been enjoying it. We cleaned our our spare room two weekends ago, so it's pretty much empty. All the baby things are in the wardrobe and I know when I do fall pg, at that 12 week mark, everything will be coming out

  10. #190

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    I listen to some of your journeys, and I am just gobsmacked at the heartbreak some have been through. Such strong, resilient women in these threads - it really is inspiring

    Pak - Yes I was the same with my DD. I wasn't aware of the bellybuddy threads, I'd come on quite often, and would wonder why there wasn't many posts in the 1st tri/2ndtri/3rdtri threads - thought I must have been one of the few pregnant. How wrong I was! Everyone was just chatting in the belly threads thats all! So with my DS I made the effort to join the group, I know exactly what you mean - wow what a lifesaver those friendships have been. I am such introverted person IRL, so the people who I do see, I couldn't really call real friendships. With my first m/c no one knew, so didn't have to worry about "those" looks - however I found that just as hard, I was mourning the loss of a child, and no one even knew. I was so alone, it was ridiculous. Second m/c, a few people knew. I do regret telling a friend from mothers group however. She is pregnant, due 2 days after my angel. Everytime I see her, she tries to bring up conversation on how I am doing and what not. I don't really know how to act, or what to say. I mean... I can't really tell my heart has been ripped out twice now, i don't understand why this happens to me. I'm awkward around her... So I just lie. Tell her how great I am and act happy to see her. Its so gut wrenching trying to pretend like I don't care about my loss

    I'm so glad to hear you're surrounded by great family, your step dad sounds like a gem. Im at the point where I should be announcing it too. My phone beeped at me today to tell me to go to my NT scan. Ahh that sucked a bit. So have you officially started trying yet?

  11. #191

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    More Tellytubby

    My cycles have settled down finally so I guess it means we're back on the bandwagon. DH is so keen, he said he wants to finish our family so we can just enjoy. He loves the age DD is at now. The first 12 months were really hard, he felt a bit useless, didn't know what to do, and I wanted him to help so it was a bit of a disaster really. Plus he was working long hours then. I'm hoping it'll be different this time. So it's time to start counting the days on the calender and figure out when our right time is. We seem to conceive okay, it's the follow on that's the challenge.

    Have a nice weekend everyone, hope some nice things come your way

  12. #192

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    Pac, I just realised your DD and my Ds3 are both March 09 babies Arent they just the best

  13. #193

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    LOL how awesome! See, bet we should have been belly buddies at some stage

  14. #194

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    Pak I hope you don't have to count down the calendar days for too long, before you see that stressful 2nd line. heehee. I know that sounds bad, but you know what I mean

    I just finished watching rabithole. Has anyone seen it? Wow... So much emotion. I cried almost the entire way. I could feel her grief.
    I kept thinking of losing my angels.. I know that is ridiculous comparing the loss of a child to a miscarriage. I am so thankful I have two healthy, gorgeous children sleeping in their beds right now.

    To think that accidents like that one do actually happen... A very similar accident happend to my DH's boss. Life sucks sometimes hey.

    Hope you guys are taking care of yourselves. xx

  15. #195

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    Thanks Tellytubby

    Mum told me about rabithole, not one I could watch. I just about bawled in the beginning of Up!!!!

  16. #196

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    Pak you're not the only one. I also bawled in the beginning of up, so sad!

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    Just sneaking in to say-

    Telly, I remember the day I was sitting at my computer, feeling lost and all alone, and wishing I didn't have to be. That's when I changed my FB status to reflect my sadness over my mc. I remember thinking I didn't care anymore if people felt awkward or uncomfortable.......... I needed to make it known that I had a baby, and he/she mattered. And that's when we reconnected after how many years of non-contact? That's when I realised I wasn't alone, and that we share the same terrible sadness. From that day on, you've been such a special friend to me, I never thought we'd bond so much given the way we bickered in the good old days. I just want you to know that I second everything you're saying here. It's awful to have to hide your grief. It's awful to have to wear the fake happy face so others feel ok around you. If you want to scream it from the rooftops, I'll be right there holding your megaphone for you. You have 4 beautiful babies, some who just sadly couldn't stay here with us. I have everything crossed for your TTC journey. May it be a quick, sticky, healthy happy BFP for you. My heart still hurts for you every day. I want you to know that no matter how alone you might feel, as long as I'm around you never will be. And if you need someone to yell at, or punch, I'll be on the next flight home!

  18. #198

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    Hey girls, I thought I should join you here if its ok.

    I just read through the last few pages and Im so sorry to hear about the terrible losses you have all endured.

    Telly, your second last post really resonated with me. My close friend is due a week before my second angel was due (in Aug) and its been really, really hard seeing her get bigger while I went on to lose again. Its sad but it has affected our friendship a bit because she doesnt want me to feel hurt by seeing her, which is true because it does, but at the same time it would have been nice to have her stay close during this awful time for me.

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