Hi

My name is Kristy and I have only just started visiting this site which has brought me some comfort in my darkest hours. I lost my dear sweet little man Harrison William exactly 10 days ago. He was 36weeks and 2 days, 5lbs 13oz and 50cm long. I have had a very difficult pregnancy with a lot of unanswered questions. I lost Harrison's twin in the first trimester and they think Harrison may have had a condition called VATERs. My husband and I feel so helpless at the moment so if anyone can shed some light on this condition I would be so very grateful. We are going to meet with the doctor later this month to discuss what has happend, but I feel like I am going crazy in the meantime. This is my first pregnancy and I keep wishing that I will wake up and it is all a terrible dream. I never realised how much I could miss my little man. Everyone keeps telling me that it is only early days but I just can't see how you can ever recover from this.

Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse I had the most terrible back pain yesterday. My sweet husband rushed me to the hospital and it turns out that I have an infection. Nothing antibiotics won't fix but I just feel so angry. This was the time in my life I was looking forward to and nothing seems to be going well. I know I shouldn't be judgemental, but when we were at the hospital I saw a heavily pregnant woman having a smoke, it made me so mad! I didn't even touch coffee during my pregnancy and I just feel that it is so very unfair.

My hubby and I still want to have children but I am worried that I will spend the rest of my life as a nervous wreck.

I love Harrison so very much and I just want to hold my baby in my arms.
Kristy